Mother’s Day when you had an abusive mother

IMG_0926

Practicing self-compassion when you didn’t have a nurturing mother is very important.

To not feel like celebrating your mother on Mother’s day is completely understandable when she was abusive, overly critical, neglectful & selfish.

The same goes for Father’s day or any other major holiday that focuses on the family unit.

If you are still in contact with an abusive parent, please don’t feel guilty about not doing anything if that is how you truly feel. If your mother complains to you about not doing anything, don’t let her complaints affect you.

If you do decide to send your mother a card, please don’t feel guilty if you can’t write anything in it that is warm and loving. Maybe a card that simply states ‘Happy Mother’s Day’ is enough!

In any case, it is a personal choice and nothing is right or wrong.  Just go with your feelings and be kind to yourself.

Our choices have to reflect our values

FontCandy (22)

I have met many people who have very strong morals and values and are stuck working in a company that doesn’t reflect these in the slightest.

I have also met people who are lucky enough to actually have a job that reflects their values but in their personal life this isn’t the case.

What is it that stops people from ditching the uncomfortable situations they find themselves in and going for what they really want? Is it timing or circumstance?Or maybe they are just unlucky in their choices. Things start off well and then things take a turn for the worse.

The reason that people struggle with  changing something in their life is due to the fear of it being the wrong choice again. I mean if it has already happened once, it can happen again right?

This is very common and when it comes to jobs or relationships it is quite understandable that people worry about not finding the right one.

In cognitive behavioural coaching, the coach can help the coachee self-reflect on their thought processes and find the thoughts that may be blocking them from making a decision. It can also assist with the steps that the coachee needs to take to reach their goal.

As always stated in any coaching session, motivation is key. If the coachee isn’t motivated to make a change then change won’t happen.

 

Tackle goals one at a time

FontCandy (21)

When you have set yourself a goal that you want to reach, you might set the actions you want to take (to achieve your goal) too high! By too high I mean that they aren’t achievable due to many factors such as lack of time, lack of motivation, no confidence etc.

It is generally best to suggest that you break down your ultimate goal into smaller chunks.

Create an action plan by listing small realistic steps that you can actually take to achieve your end-goal.

 

Real change sometimes requires patience..

FontCandy (20)

How many times have you found yourself trying something new and giving up after the 1st try? What are your thoughts? Do you make excuses to avoid trying again? Are you embarassed because others witnessed you make a mistake? Or are you one of those people who really doesn’t care and keeps trying regardless of the initial result…

Most of the time when we try something new, we are curious and interested in how we will progress and this keeps us moving forward until we get better. This is great!

What happens however, when we have to learn a new language but find it really difficult and don’t have the motivation to really try? Is it ok to just accept that some things are just not for us? How much of a chance do we have to give new things?

In my experience, if you give up too soon you haven’t really given it enough of a chance to become habitual. To make a lasting change in anything we have to keep at it until it becomes automatic. It is like learning to ride a bike. Once we have learned the skill we are able to just do it..

The biggest challenge for people having to learn a new way of thinking or behaving is that they have to be able to sit with any uncomfortable feelings that may arise. Change can be very scary and to try something new that you also aren’t really interested in, makes things a lot harder.Being motivated is very important. If you lack motivation and interest in something, then it makes sense that you will give up straight away.

The more you try, the more experience you gain. You can make many mistakes but that is ok as long as you eventually learn from them. Once you start slowly accumulating small successes in your efforts, the whole learning experience then becomes more comfortable and enjoyable.

 

 

 

Being An Empath Is Beautiful

A very insightful post on empaths..Can identify to so many of the many traits listed here. How about you?

Silver Girl

I’m learning that being an empath can be a beautiful thing.. but it means I have to take exceptional care of my emotional, spiritual and physical health in order to be balanced and stay well. It’s taken my lifetime so far to understand myself and my needs as a sensitive. In the past I attracted narcissistic people and suffered from chronic depression, chronic stress, PTSD and multiple autoimmune disorders… It hasn’t been easy.

I’ve had so many lessons to learn regarding self protection, observing not absorbing, responding not reacting, healing the past, what food to eat, personal boundaries, self care, self love, avoiding toxins and toxic people, acceptance, forgiveness, handling emotional stress, how to re-energize, positive thinking … the list goes on.. and on..

I am finally learning to be me and to be well..

This is a good article by Alex Myles regarding accepting, honouring and embracing your high…

View original post 1,818 more words

Procastination, perfectionism, negative thinking? We all have something we do that makes our life more difficult

Humans are fallible beings and we all have moments where we over-complicate the way we live our lives.

It is very difficut to balance our work-family-personal life without getting overwhelmed.

There are always those overly boring tasks that we always put off or that presentation at work that we have to get perfect. Many of us find rejection quite painful and have thoughts such as ‘No one will ever love me again’ or ‘I’m just not attractive enough’. Others find it easier to make excuses and blame their failings on their past. Being a victim is easier than taking responsibility for our own life.

Many of us are control-freaks and want to go as far as controlling what we are physically unable to control, like other people’s opinions or reactions to us.

There are many thinking errors that we all indulge in but how do you even recognise you are making such errors in the first place?

When people suffer from depression & anxiety, thinking errors are very common as they are part of the illness. Cognitive behavioural coaching can be very useful for tackling these unhelpful thinking patterns. There are many models and exercises that can be very helpful in helping someone get ‘unstuck’ and the coach is trained to use these models in a conversational way with the person they are coaching.

In my own experience, I have found coaching very helpful in dealing with anxiety inducing situations. What is your experience? Have you had coaching before? Is it something you would ever consider?

Take a little look at the different links on this page and if you are curious in any way, then let me know.

I am offering free coaching sessions to the first 10 people that read this blog post and make themselves known.

 

Thanks for stopping by

IMG_1001

For any newly created site there is always a bit of a delay in the initial interaction. I am currently in Germany but hoping to reach more people via this platform.Since I am already familiar with wordpress and the people on here are very friendly, I decided that the creation of a page here would be ideal. I also have another blog site on here which focuses on trauma and healing from abuse. It is an anonymous blog so please be respectful of this if you know it. I will be creating YouTube videos very soon so bare with me.

Feedback is always wonderful so look forward to hearing from you!