What healthy parenting looks like versus narcissistic parenting
In healthy parenting, the following things are needed to bring up a healthy & emotionally stable child.
Love and affection. “You support and accept the child, are physically affectionate, and spend quality one-on-one time together.”
Stress Management. “You take steps to reduce stress for yourself and your child, practice relaxation techniques, and promote positive interpretations of events.”
Relationship skills. “You maintain a healthy relationship with your spouse, significant other, or co-parent and model effective relationship skills with others.”
Autonomy and Independence. “You treat your child with respect and encourage him or her to become self-sufficient and self-reliant.”
Education and learning. “You promote and model learning and provide educational opportunities for your child.”
Life skills. “You provide for your child, have a steady income, and plan for the future.”
Behavior management. “You make extensive use of positive reinforcement and punish only when other methods of managing behavior have failed.”
Health. “You model a healthy lifestyle and good habits, such as regular exercise and proper nutrition.
Religion. “You support spiritual or religious development and participate in spiritual or religious activities.”
Safety. “You take precautions to protect your child and maintain awareness of the child’s activities and friends.
As listed directly from:
Narcissistic parents on the other hand do the following:
Their needs have priority over those of the children.
They view their children as an extension of their own personal wishes, so the child’s individuality is diminished. They don’t nurture their childrens’ own thoughts, emotions or goals.
Their ego needs are unquenchable.
Due to their own low self-worth they put their childrens’ accomplishments down, so they can always remain on top (as smarter, more capable etc)
They are completely unaware of the grief or discomfort their children are experiencing and are not aware of when they have been neglectful or abusive towards their children.
They do not feel empathy, and they will only pay interest in the child if the child is achieving or giving them an ego boost.
Shame is at the core of a narcissistically run family, so they will shame, ridicule, tease or criticise their children often. They will also use guilt-tripping, blaming, negative comparisons, emotional blackmail and so much more!
They create codependent children and expect them to always look after them and cater to their needs & wants.
The parents are possessed by their narcissistic ego, and nothing the child ever does will be good enough. The child tries and tries, but never quite manages to receive their narcissistic parents’ love and affection.
When the child gives the narcissistic parent(s) enough of an ego boost and meets their ego needs, the narcissistic parent(s) will reward their child with approval. This approval, however, is not genuine love.
Children of narcissists grow up feeling unloved, ashamed, unlovable and inferior.
Children of narcissists grow up thinking that there is something seriously wrong with them, (because their parent wasn’t able to love them in a healthy way).
Children learn that the focus isn’t on them (as it should be) but on their narcissistic parent(s). They learn to painfully accept this although don’t know that this isn’t normal.
Children learn to do whatever their narcissistic parents want, in hope that their needs for love, comfort and approval are one day met. This approval seeking behaviour follows them into adulthood where they continue to people please to gain approval.
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Love Athina ♥