How to be assertive-Steps to healthy self-assertion

This post is the last one on assertion and hopefully the most useful to those of you who struggle with being a people-pleaser and/or are quite passive in your relationships with others.There is also a YouTube video attached for those of you who are auditory & visual learners.

Here is a quick guide on how to be assertive:

1. Firstly get the person’s full attention when you are trying to make an important point. This may seem like a given however it is important to ensure there are no distractions.
2.  Describe in an objective way, what you are having difficulty with in regards to the other person’s behaviour. EXAMPLE: ” I said I wanted to speak to you and you have just turned on the tv”.
3. Express constructive feelings using ”I” statements. Don’t say ”You completely ignored me”.Instead, choose to say ” I feel upset that you are not listening to me”. It is ok to state feelings of disappointment & annoyance, as these are constructive feelings.
4. Check your statements & make sure the other person gives you a response. This will hopefully enable some sort of resolution later on. EXAMPLE: ”I feel that you are hiding something from me. What do you think about this”?
5. Listen to the other person’s response with an open mind and give feedback in a controlled manner.  Avoid dismissing the reply as soon as it is given.
6. State your preferences clearly. EXAMPLE: ”I would like if you could always be honest with me”.
7. Request agreement from the other person.If they don’t agree or try to avoid the subject, clearly state ”Are you willing to make any changes?”
8. Communicate any relevant information concerning future occurences.State what you will do if the same problem re-occurs.

Author: Courage Coaching

I provide empowerment, empathy & support. I specialise in dealing with dysfunctional relationships, particularly narcissistic abuse & encouraging self-compassion. View all posts by Courage Coaching