Healing from PTSD is tough! Healing from Complex PTSD is even tougher.
In honour of World Suicide Prevention Awareness Day, I want to tell every single one of you survivors out there that you can look at your PTSD & CPTSD differently, just for today! ♥
C-PTSD = COURAGE PROGRESS TENACITY SURVIVAL DETERMINATION
Love ♥ Athina
© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.
I hope you are all enjoying your weekend to the best of your ability.To those of you struggling at the moment, I hope you are doing ok and reaching out for support. The blogging community is filled with wonderful, caring people and it is important to keep this community positive and encouraging. To those of you who need it, I am sending you a big hug! ♥ Take it one step at a time ♥
As some of my regural readers know, I am off to London tomorrow until Thursday to visit family and friends, while my husband is away for work.My Youtube videos are usually posted every Monday, however due to the fact I am off to London tomorrow, I decided to do this one a little earlier.
I talk about Complex PTSD once again, as there are so many of you who suffer with it and I am pretty sure that you need some hope, to keep fighting it and keep moving forward. Through lots of research and from my own personal experience, I talk about the most helpful things you can do to support your healing.
Much love Athina ♥
© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.
If we were able to count how many times we avoided our own suffering, I think we would fail miserably..
We have all at some point avoided emotions that are uncomfortable, by distracting ourselves, by numbing ourselves and by completely ignoring what is really going on..
This makes complete sense..Humans don’t like suffering..
By avoiding pain, we are temporarily soothing ourselves so we can better cope with what is bubbling under the surface. We might drink alcohol, do drugs, eat too much food, watch too much tv or spend too much time on the internet. We might develop addictions to numerous things and not even realise it.This is how we cope and in society at the moment, a huge percentage of us are addicted to the internet. If we are feeling down, we go online to search for clues as to what might make us feel better.If we are lonely, we announce it to the world on social media to get attention, instead of just reaching out to a caring friend. If we are happy, we also go online and share it with the world, instead of just enjoying the moment.
Since the focus of this post is on uncomfortable feelings, we need to acknowledge how often we avoid them..How will we ever grow and better ourselves if we constantly hide behind our suffering?
Distractions are good sometimes, don’t get me wrong..and also connecting with people online, blogging, watching videos etc..The important thing to remember is however, that we still need to be aware of what we still need to improve or change in our lives and actually do it!
For those of us who suffer with a mental illness, it is even more challenging to not run from suffering..Especially if it is a constant part of our lives to feel really low, anxious, terrified, lonely etc..If we have a history of trauma, no matter how much we try to ‘numb ourselves’, this will eventually start seeping out..
If we have been made to feel small, unimportant or ashamed in our childhood, then this will be incredibly tough to run from or avoid..We will feel it in the depth of our being..It will reveal itself in every step forward we may try to take..No matter what we do in our life, we will never feel good enough, lovable enough, deserving enough..It is a tough reality to bare..
Avoiding our feelings gives us temporary relief but with a whole life ahead of us, this isn’t enough..
If you are suffering at the moment, then face the pain..cry…ask for a hug..have human contact..Talk to someone who will genuinely listen..Don’t bury your suffering inside a tv or by reading about how you can make it better on numerous sites….This can also become addictive..gathering information about a certain area constantly but without actually taking any actions to improve that area of our suffering, is also avoiding pain..
Yes, of course we need validation for our suffering but make sure that you are making progress..If you want to deal with your anxiety, then take active steps to improve this..Talk to a qualified Coach or Therapist..Practice daily positive affirmations..Take ACTUAL STEPS to accept and manage your feelings..ACCEPTANCE is very important but ACTION is too!
If you want to change jobs but feel too scared, then face your discomfort head on and start applying for new ones..Attend interviews..Keep trying..
If you are scared of heights but would love to go trekking, then find a way to face your fear..
The list goes on..and applies to many areas of our lives..
No matter what uncomfortable feelings you are avoiding, face them..The longer you avoid them, the longer they will remain..
We have to face discomfort..
We have to face reality..
We have to face our fears..
This is how we will grow..heal..get better
This is how we will improve our confidence, reduce our suffering and release our fears..
and lastly, if a situation is unchangeable due to our lack of control over it, learn to ACCEPT it for what it is..
Love Athina ♥
© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.
This video is the 2nd one of my codependent series on my Youtube channel.
It is mostly informational in text, with the help of a few cute characters! Just the way I like it! ♥
Feel free to re-blog or share 🙂
I love cute things and music…so here you go ♥
Love Athina ♥
© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.
Rejection hurts, no matter what the context.
So how do you deal with it in a more constructive way?
Here are 5 tips that might be helpful:
Love Athina ♥
© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.
This blog post today is to officially accept my nomination for the ‘Blogger recognition award‘ by the lovely https://perceptionschange.wordpress.com
I am very humbled by the nomination, especially as this blogger is a mental health blogger. She writes about her own experience with depression & anxiety, offers tips on what helped her and this is very useful for others who also struggle and might find some solace in her writings.
Rules for participating in the Blogger Recognition Award
Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
Write a post to show your award.
Attach the award to the post.
Give a brief story on how your blog started.
Give a piece of advice or two to new bloggers.
Select 15 other blogs you want to give the award to.
Comment on each blog and let them know you nominated them
TIPS FOR NEW BLOGGERS
If you have the time to interact with your followers, then do so.
If you are able to keep an open mind and be encouraging and positive, then do so.
Make sure you write an ABOUT ME section on your blog, as it gives the reader a little background on who you are and why you write. I find this very important when checking out new blogs as I feel better connected to the content when I know a little about the writer.
WHAT IS THIS BLOG ABOUT & WHY DID I START IT
This blog is all about sharing free information to help those of you affected by mental illness, abuse from dysfunctional relationships and for those of you who are also interested in personal coaching. This blog is a result of my recent qualification as a life coach and I would be humbled to reach many more people that might need coaching to make changes in their lives. My particular focus is promoting self-care, self-compassion, changing negative thinking patterns & assisting anyone who is struggling with dysfunctional relationships and needs to break free. I create videos on YouTube which are also aimed at providing free advice on many different topics and I hope to help people in the same way I was helped over the years by mental health professionals & other empathetic people
NOMINATIONS
The 15 bloggers I will nominate are inspiring & courageous! Check them out!
https://runrabbitrunptsd.wordpress.com/
www.therichnessofasimplelife.wordpress.com
https://recoverytowellness.wordpress.com/
https://brokenfingernails.com/
https://piecesofbipolar.wordpress.com/
https://frombehindglass.wordpress.com/
https://hannahbolly.wordpress.com/
https://emergingfromthedarknight.wordpress.com/
https://thejourneytowardhealing.wordpress.com/
https://charsgirl.wordpress.com/
https://brokenyetcherished.com/
https://illyspeaks.wordpress.com/
This new coaching chapter in my life is giving me great joy and fulfillment. It isn’t something I ever really imagined myself doing a few years ago and now that I am, I am very much enjoying the interaction with people on a one to one basis. I know how much courage is required to push yourself towards achieving a goal or changing something in your life and deciding to have coaching or therapy, is exactly that, courageous!
This blogging platform has been immensely enriching for me both personally through my other blog and also professionally through the creation of this new one.I see a lot of myself in some of my coachees and fellow bloggers/followers and it is wonderfully humbling to be able to make a small difference, through own experience. In the ones that I don’t see myself in, I learn alot about the difficulties that different personality types may have and this is proving to be a great way to widen my knowledge even further on certain subjects. The thing that I am particularly enjoying at the moment, is that I can also use my skills to help close friends. I enjoy helping people from all walks of life but it makes me even happier to know that I can help the special people in my life as well. Isn’t this something you can all relate to? Helping out a dear friend? For those of you who agree, the fulfillment you gain from this is priceless.
I’d like to talk a little bit about my last job, before I moved to Germany from Bournemouth, England. This is something I mention in the ‘About me’ link of this blog but I just want to talk about it in a little more detail.When I used to work as a Healthcare assistant in an End of Life care home, that is when I realised that I really enjoyed helping people. When I went home after a long day, I knew I was making a difference in a small way and that made my work so important to me. It didn’t matter that I was earning such a low wage, as the smiles of gratitude on the residents’ faces meant so much to me. I worked 12 hour days, barely got a chance to sit down and had to help 10-12 residents with only one other assistant to help me.We were always rushed off our feet and sometimes it was incredibly hard to shower and dress the residents, when 2 or 3 other bells were going off at the same time. Each bell represented a resident who was calling for the toilet, needed help with getting out of bed or who was wanting their breakfast.This was physically & mentally exhausting. It was incredibly tough work, especially because you are someone who cares so deeply and you want to make sure you are helping every resident in an equal and respectful manner.There was never enough time and that is something that bothered me deeply. I enjoyed taking my time with each resident, as that is what I would want myself, if I was in their position.
When you help somebody in such an intimate way and learn their routines, day in day out, it is inevitable you will get attached in some small way. It taught me a lot about patience, inner strength, resilience and practicing self-care. It also taught me a lot about trying to brighten someone’s day a little, making them as comfortable as possible and telling them stories about my own life. These residents needed something else to think about, rather than their own aches and pains. It is difficult to know you are near the end of your life and the only thing you have to look forward to is chatting to the person who cares for you, helps you get dressed & washes you. I got so much from helping these people, as I know that one day I will be the same. I might be alone, with no family left and any attention or communication I get, will give me strength. It is incredibly important to help people sustain their dignity, as every person who grows old was someone’s mother, sister or daughter.When residents you grow closer to over the months, eventually pass away, you feel devastated but also relieved that they aren’t suffering anymore. The bond you develop is unique, especially when you are also the carer who might have to clean and wash the resident after they have actually passed.
Due to my own struggle with Complex PTSD, I had many vivid dreams after I left this job and moved to Germany with my husband. I worried about the remaining residents, wondered how they were doing and learnt of the many changes in their lives. Some of them were now no longer able to walk at all, others passed away and I wished at times that I could have visited again. Living in Germany unfortunately made this too difficult.
Unfortunately, I also had experience working alongside many other carers who were narcissistic bullies! I couldn’t believe how these people could work in such a job! Their empathy was incredibly fake, as they enjoyed making myself and other friends/colleagues feel small & unimportant.They derived great pleasure from criticising carers in front of the residents, so they could appear better and more in control. They lied to the manager, fabricating stories about myself and other carers because they must have felt threatened by our caring & genuine demeanour. They acted in a racist manner towards one of my Romanian friends/carers and I must admit, it took a lot of strength to ignore them and keep working there. Having Complex PTSD which is a direct result of growing up with Narcissistic parents, meant that working alongside other narcissistic bullies, triggered many uncomfortable feelings. However, knowing who I truly am and ignoring the nastiness of these people, kept me going. Helping the residents was more important than listening to small minded and shallow people.
In my new work, I am very happy to have the freedom to help others in a safe and nurturing way, without the outside distraction of narcissistic bullies. Hurrah!
As a narcissistic abuse survivor, I can tell when someone has low confidence & needs support in developing self-belief. I know this feeling very well myself, through personal experience. I also know how important it is to encourage ‘realistic goal attainment’, rather than trying to achieve something that might be too big a goal.I feel happy to encourage self-compassion and to help people achieve things in small steps, suited to their capabilities. Especially if the clients suffer from debilitating mental illness, it is all about making their lives more manageable by encouraging self-acceptance and by creating plans that suit their daily routines. Having had depression myself, I know how it feels to struggle with every passing hour.You are definetely not alone and nobody should have to feel like they aren’t achieving anything!
I am really interested in finding out what you gain satisfaction from in your life? Is it your work? or your role as a parent? Do you enjoy being a husband/wife? or maybe you are a mum/dad to a furry friend? If you don’t work but volunteer instead, then I’d love to hear about it..
Whatever it is in your life that gives you joy and a sense of fulfillment, then feel free to share your experiences..
If you are someone who suffers from a mental or physical illness, maybe just getting through the day is an achievement in itself! Please let me know if this is something that you are proud of and if not, then I encourage you to try..
Much Love Athina ♥
© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.
How strongly do you believe this to be true?
I believe it is extremely important to treat ourselves with compassion, patience and love.
It is extremely important to replace negative thinking with more positive, constructive thinking.
I believe we must at all times acknowledge our mistakes, acknowledge our emotions and accept that we will attract what we believe about ourselves.
If we believe we are worthless, we will attract people that will treat us badly.
If we believe that we don’t deserve love, then we will attract people who will abandon us.
We have to notice our thoughts, notice our emotions and slowly make changes.
Change can be uncomfortable at the beginning, but it gets easier in time.
Start creating new positive habits in your life, to replace the old destructive ones.
Accept that you are flawed, as all humans have flaws. If your flaws are something that you can change, then change them. If you hurt someone, then make sure you tell them you are genuinely sorry.
If you do find that there are people in your life that treat you badly, then let them go.
Look after yourself first and the rest will fall into place.
Much Love Athina ♥
© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.
As some of you already know, I have great insight into narcissistic abuse, after a tumultuous life with 2 narcissistic parents, many narcissistic ex-partners and narcissistic ex friends. Before my father discarded my mother in 2000 and filed for divorce, he had already met his second narcissistic wife. He had already lined her up to fill his emptiness and later had a child with her. The cycle of abuse unfortunately continued and there was nothing I could do to prevent it.He has been married to her for 16 years now and it has been the most destructive, soul destroying relationship I have ever witnessed.
My histrionic/covert narcissistic mother, on the other hand, luckily didn’t re-marry. She just had 2 relationships which didn’t work out.She has remained irritable, negative and critical. She still blames everything & everyone else for her misery and struggles to cope with her own depression.
My childhood in general was always hot & cold.One minute things were relatively normal and my parents would be kind & thoughtful and the next they would be extremely hurtful & abusive. This almost made coping with the abuse harder, as the kind moments would give me hope as a child and then when the abusive moments would come around, I was utterly devastated and confused. I then learnt that whenever my parents were kind, there were always strings attached to this kindness. I was told many times as a child ‘After everything I have done for you, this is how you treat me?’. I felt guilty and ashamed. I felt worthless and no good.
The one thing I know for certain is that for those of you who have also been affected by narcissistic abuse, you have developed a deep sense of self-awareness, a sense of gratefulness for the tiny moments of kindness that others have shown you and a high level of empathy from a young age. Most of you sought out therapy and have always helped and be-friended the shy or needy. Yes you have made many mistakes along the way, by getting involved with people who resembled your family of origin, however this is a logical result of growing up in an abusive or neglectful home.
The thing that helped me the most in my recovery was forgiving myself for struggling so much in my life. Self-compassion is the best gift you can give yourself as an abuse survivor.Recovering from narcissistic abuse means that you have to dig deep to reveal the many layers of trauma. You have to acknowledge that it isn’t going to be easy to go through all the painful realisations of your past but that is extremely important to work through each layer and grieve your losses. Trusting that others won’t hurt you is a huge struggle for those who have been abused. If your primary caregivers let you down so badly, why on earth would you trust complete strangers?
The most important thing to remember is that there is no time frame on healing and that everyone copes and heals differently.
My advice will always be to ask yourself ‘What do I need’? ‘What am I scared of’? ‘How can I look after myself’?
For those of you who can relate and understand, just remind yourselves daily that you survived an unfair childhood and that from now on you can give yourself the unconditional love your parents weren’t able to give you. In every low moment, remind yourself that you are brave and resilient.
Now in my 30’s I have already been through the darkest moments of despair and have healed extensively through many years of trauma therapy. I am now armed with knowledge,coping skills and the most important thing: the knowledge that healing is possible and that you ARE able to live a more fulfilling life. If you had asked me this same question 2 years ago, I wouldn’t be feeling so optimistic.
Now I am putting all my knowledge into helping others and it feels good! It feels good to see that others feel validated & comforted, because this is a feeling I missed out on a lot! It feels good to be there and pass on information, even if it only helps one other person. Free advice is so valuable and we can all do it! So many of us are already doing it!
Love Athina ♥
© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.
Moving out of our comfort zone can be extremely rewarding if we are able to manage the anxiety that pops up. Humans are creatures of habit and having a steady routine, a safe haven in our home and the people around us that provide love and validation,becomes so important.We fear uncertainty, loss, pain, and so we seek to keep ourselves cooped up in our ‘safety net’ of comfort.
The difficult thing about comfort zones, is that they can at times foster an attitude of learned helplessness making progress harder.
Personal discovery and personal development tend to happen more when we are outside our comfort zone but how often do we actually manage to venture outside it?
The one thing that my coachees always find helpful, is to start off with setting 1 small goal. It is easier to focus on 1 thing at a time if you want to make progress. The goal has to be something that is achievable and a little scary, but not overwhelming. Once you succeed in reaching this initial goal, this will then give you the courage and further motivation to tackle something bigger.
Sometimes, people overstretch themselves by doing too much at once, too quickly.
If someone has never left home, has never gone on a holiday abroad and then suddenly gets offered a job in another country where they don’t even speak the language, then this is an example of something that can be too much.
How do you cope when you have to leave your comfort zone? Have you had any experiences which were overwhelming? I am particularly interested in people who also suffer from anxiety often. How do you tackle this? I would love to hear your experiences.
Love Athina ♥
© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.
