growth – COURAGE COACHING

Venture beyond the familiar

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Growth happens when we leave our comfort zone.

It is important to take baby steps outside our familiar surroundings, routines & hobbies in order to experience a new part of ourselves in the newness of the unknown.

The unknown can sometimes surprise us, so if you can be brave enough to take a chance on something new, then do it.

Love Athina ♥

Acknowledging our weaknesses

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How many of you find it easy to admit to your weaknesses? How often do you struggle with admitting a weakness to a friend or partner or even to yourself?

Do you ever feel a sting when a close person in your life points out a weakness that you weren’t aware you had? Or maybe it is just that person’s opinion but not your own? It’s tough knowing sometimes, whether we actually have that weakness that this person is pointing out to us..Is the sting we feel trying to tell us that maybe it is actually true?!

What one person considers a weakness doesn’t mean that the other person thinks so too..

For example, I may think that it is a weakness for someone to expect me to be perfect, when I am actually completely comfortable being less than perfect. It is not my problem this other person needs perfection from those around him, including me. I personally find the need to be perfect exhausting, therefore I am more happy to give everything my best shot and even if it doesn’t turn out amazingly, at least I tried.

Another point worth mentioning, is the difficulty some of us may have when it comes to admitting fault or weakness, because we actually fear what others think of us. If we are actually perfectionists by nature and set ourselves high standards all the time, then to admit that we have actually failed at something is out of the question. It is in this very case, I believe, that we need to work more on ourselves. Our own thoughts and the way we see the world, can either make our life more fulfilling or severely limiting. Some of us also may find criticism excruciatinly painful, because deep down we know we are flawed, wrong or not good enough. This may be because of negative programming in our childhood or from pressure to always show our best and most socially acceptable side.

Accepting and embracing our weaknesses, increases our awareness of where we might be limiting ourselves.

If someone has harmed us and this has impacted us in a destructive way, then this is slightly different. We have a right to be angry and put the blame where it belongs (in the case of murder,domestic abuse, child abuse etc). Working through grief about the unfotunate things that happen to us in life, is necessary for healing. Despite this though, we are still in charge of how we deal with whatever life has dealt us. It is always up to us to work hard at making changes in the areas we suffer with the most.We can either be a victim and sit back and point fingers at everyone else or we can take responsibility and take small steps to creating opportunities from our challenges.

Love Athina ♥

The importance of feeling our feelings

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If we were able to count how many times we avoided our own suffering, I think we would fail miserably..

We have all at some point avoided emotions that are uncomfortable, by distracting ourselves, by numbing ourselves and by completely ignoring what is really going on..

This makes complete sense..Humans don’t like suffering..

By avoiding pain, we are temporarily soothing ourselves so we can better cope with what is bubbling under the surface. We might drink alcohol, do drugs, eat too much food, watch too much tv or spend too much time on the internet. We might develop addictions to numerous things and not even realise it.This is how we cope and in society at the moment, a huge percentage of us are addicted to the internet. If we are feeling down, we go online to search for clues as to what might make us feel better.If we are lonely, we announce it to the world on social media to get attention, instead of just reaching out to a caring friend. If we are happy, we also go online and share it with the world, instead of just enjoying the moment.

Since the focus of this post is on uncomfortable feelings, we need to acknowledge how often we avoid them..How will we ever grow and better ourselves if we constantly hide behind our suffering?

Distractions are good sometimes, don’t get me wrong..and also connecting with people online, blogging, watching videos etc..The important thing to remember is however, that we still need to be aware of what we still need to improve or change in our lives and actually do it!

For those of us who suffer with a mental illness, it is even more challenging to not run from suffering..Especially if it is a constant part of our lives to feel really low, anxious, terrified, lonely etc..If we have a history of trauma, no matter how much we try to ‘numb ourselves’, this will eventually start seeping out..

If we have been made to feel small, unimportant or ashamed in our childhood, then this will be incredibly tough to run from or avoid..We will feel it in the depth of our being..It will reveal itself in every step forward we may try to take..No matter what we do in our life, we will never feel good enough, lovable enough, deserving enough..It is a tough reality to bare..

Avoiding our feelings gives us temporary relief but with a whole life ahead of us, this isn’t enough..

If you are suffering at the moment, then face the pain..cry…ask for a hug..have human contact..Talk to someone who will genuinely listen..Don’t bury your suffering inside a tv or by reading about how you can make it better on numerous sites….This can also become addictive..gathering information about a certain area constantly but without actually taking any actions to improve that area of our suffering, is also avoiding pain..

Yes, of course we need validation for our suffering but make sure that you are making progress..If you want to deal with your anxiety, then take active steps to improve this..Talk to a qualified Coach or Therapist..Practice daily positive affirmations..Take ACTUAL STEPS to accept and manage your feelings..ACCEPTANCE is very important but ACTION is too!

If you want to change jobs but feel too scared, then face your discomfort head on and start applying for new ones..Attend interviews..Keep trying..

If you are scared of heights but would love to go trekking, then find a way to face your fear..

The list goes on..and applies to many areas of our lives..

No matter what uncomfortable feelings you are avoiding, face them..The longer you avoid them, the longer they will remain..

We have to face discomfort..

We have to face reality..

We have to face our fears..

This is how we will grow..heal..get better

This is how we will improve our confidence, reduce our suffering and release our fears..

and lastly, if a situation is unchangeable due to our lack of control over it, learn to ACCEPT it for what it is..

Love Athina ♥

5 tips to better deal with rejection

Rejection hurts, no matter what the context.

So how do you deal with it in a more constructive way?

Here are 5 tips that might be helpful:

If you never get rejected, it means that you aren’t pushing past your comfort zone enough. Being rejected means that you are putting yourself out there and that takes guts. Rejection acts as proof that you are pushing your limits.
When being rejected, it is much better to acknowledge and accept the emotions that come with the rejection rather than supress or ignore the emotions. It is better to feel the disappointment, sadness or frustration than try to run from it or make excuses to avoid the emotions.
Self-compassion is very important whenever we are having a hard time. To better deal with the rejection, make sure you are paying attention to the way you are talking to yourself. If you get rejected after a job interview and think ‘I will never get a job, I’m just not good enough’ then that doesn’t make you feel better does it? Instead re-frame your thinking to something more positive, such as ‘ That’s a shame, but I have plenty more chances and I am sure I can do better’.
Learning from rejection and asking yourself ‘What can I learn from this’?, is very useful for growth and for doing better next time.
Self-approval is the most important thing when being rejected. If you are comfortable and happy with yourself as a person, then somebody else’s rejection won’t sting as much, because at the end of the day you have yourself to turn to when things feel disappointing.

Love Athina ♥