Self-reflection & self-awareness

Chronic inflammation is connected to anxiety & depression

A little over 3 months ago, I finally made the decision to embark on a sugar free lifestyle. This has ultimately been life changing for me and required buckets of discipline and persistently resisting temptation.

In this post, I will talk about why I made this decision and what changes I have noticed, especially after a lifetime of constantly eating too much sugar.

The following video was hugely inspiring to me but my dear friend ‘Ketodawg’ was the main reason I embarked on this life-changing journey.

I will talk a little more about ‘Ketodawg’ in my next post but for now, please watch this video before reading any further.

Many of you, just like me, have probably enjoyed eating pasta, bread and starchy foods for as long as you remember. Many of you have a sweet tooth and can’t imagine life without sugar or processed food.

In my case, my childhood was filled with sugar. Both my parents had a sweet tooth and they allowed me to eat and drink sugary things as young as 2 or 3 years of age. I preferred drinking chocolate milk instead of regular milk and loved sugary cereals for breakfast. We always had packs of biscuits in the house and I learned to bake cakes before I learned to cook food.

In many households, this was and still is the norm.

Did you know that more than 5 grams of sugar in your bloodstream, can already be harmful to our bodies? Our bodies are not made to carry more than this amount in any given moment.

https://cluelessdoctors.com/2016/09/08/how-much-sugar-is-in-your-blood/

The World Health Organisation advises that we don’t have more than 25 grams of sugar per day.

https://theconversation.com/your-brain-on-sugar-what-the-science-actually-says-126581

If I take a moment to consider what my daily intake of sugar and carbs was for most of my life, I would say it exceeded 200grams a day. I am pretty sure I was already insulin resistant, which would have eventually lead to type 2 DIABETES.

I loved comfort food, so would regularly cook high carb foods such as pasta, rice and potatoes and I enjoyed bakery items, cakes and biscuits daily. I managed to reduce the sugar in my tea from 2 teaspoons to half a teaspoon, but that was still not good enough, as I was drinking 6-8 cups of green tea per day. At my absolute worst, I weighed 72 kilos. I was completely addicted to sugar, had always been an emotional eater and essentially learnt bad eating habits from a young age.

My father developed type 2 diabetes from an unhealthy, overindulgent diet and this is sadly what killed him in the end, at age 70.

For nearly 3 months now, I have been following the Keto Diet which means reduced carbs, no sugar and lots of healthy fats and leafy greens. This reduction in carbs puts your body into a metabolic state called ketosis. When this happens, your body becomes incredibly efficient at burning fat for energy. It also turns fat into ketones in the liver, which can supply energy for the brain.

The first week I started Keto, I was having intense cravings for all the foods I couldn’t eat. I was reluctant to throw out all of the yummy biscuits that I had brought back from a trip to Greece. I was also convinced that I wouldn’t be able to give up pasta, which was my go-to food most of the time, especially when I was really busy with work.

In the first 10 days of my Keto diet, I experienced Keto flu symptoms just as I had predicted from the research I had done. I reduced my intake of carbohydrates and sugars to a maximum of 25grams per day, which in turn made me feel lightheaded, fatigued, irritable, low and achey. To compensate, I was drinking plenty of fluids so I could feel better. A keto diet can cause you to rapidly shed water stores, increasing the risk of dehydration.

After this initial 10 day period, my cravings for sugary foods had gone and I was getting used to my new lifestyle.

My body had already started burning ketones from fat instead of glucose. This was evident in the fact that I had started losing weight.

The most amazing thing I started noticing was that I was no longer having these afternoon energy crashes, where I felt like I was going to fall asleep. I also felt like I had better mental clarity, less of a ‘foggy head’ and my energy levels overall were hugely improved.

I lost a total of 10 kilos, which I am extremely proud of and I feel much more confident in my body than I used to.

Last but not least, I have generally felt more stable in myself. As I have lived with the effects of CPTSD all my life, I have definitely noticed that I am much calmer and more positive now. This has been extremely important to me, as I never wanted to be on medication for my symptoms.

My friends and loved ones have also noticed that I am much better in myself and have even commented on my skin, saying that I have a healthier glow.

Overall, I would highly recommend cutting out sugar and processed foods.

Since these lead to chronic inflammation in the body, which eventually cause Type 2 Diabetes , Cancer, Alzheimers and ill mental and physical health, it is a no brainer for anyone that is looking to be healthier.

If you suffer from anxiety, depression, PTSD or CPTSD I would highly recommend changing your diet, before resorting to medication. A good diet and regular exercise does make a huge difference. I have seen the results myself.

What is your experience?

Do you pay attention to what you eat and listen to your body?

Have you noticed any changes at all when cutting out sugar and processed food?

I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

Love Athina ❤

The importance of being emotionally intelligent

Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others.

Emotional intelligence is the one part of the human psyche that we can develop and improve by learning and practising new skills.

People with higher emotional intelligence find it easier to form and maintain interpersonal relationships and to ‘fit in’ to group situations.
People with higher emotional intelligence are also better at understanding their own psychological state, which can include managing stress effectively and being less likely to suffer from depression.

My newest video on my youtube channel, talks about emotional intelligence in more detail.

Love Athina ♥

© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.

How to heal from childhood abuse

A lot of my followers on this blog and also subscribers from my youtube channel keep coming to me with the same question ‘How do I heal from childhood abuse?’.

Although this is something I have already addressed previously, I have decided to actually explore this in as much detail as I possibly can.

I will address this with reference to my own recovery journey and also by looking at research done by psychologists, psychotherapists and trauma specialists such as Pete Walker, Wilhelm Reich, Dr Bessel Van Der Kolk and many more.

Healing from childhood abuse isn’t a simple process. It takes a huge amount of courage, inner strength & resilience. It requires a willingness to become more self-aware of our own dysfunctional coping mechanisms, that we may have learnt from our primary caregivers.

If our parents were high on the narcissism spectrum, we will have endured years of all or some of the following:

neglect
hypercriticism
parentifying
infantilising
pathological envy
blaming
patronising
mood swings
pathological lying
aggression or passive aggression
gaslighting
controlling behaviour
emotional blackmail
scapegoating
silent treatment
shaming
invalidation
isolation
intimidation
verbal abuse
sexual abuse
physical abuse
engulfment

Living in a household with abuse, causes the child to develop Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Complex post traumatic stress disorder is a more severe form of PTSD and has the following 5 features:

Toxic shame
Self-abandonment
Emotional flashbacks
A extremely harsh inner critic
Social anxiety

Emotional flashbacks are the most characteristic part of CPTSD. They are sudden and sometimes prolonged age regressions to the overwhelming feelings of being abused or neglected as a child. Emotional flashbacks don’t have a visual component. These flashbacks do however include an overwhelming feeling of fear, shame, alienation, abandonment, depression and emotional pain. They can range in intensity from subtle to unbearable.

Toxic shame is the when an individual has an overwhelming feeling that they are flawed, loathsome or stupid. It completely destroys a person’s self-esteem and causes the person to abandon themselves emotionally. This creates a feeling of hopelessness and helplessness.

The inner critic is the internalised punishing voice of our abusive parent. If we had a parent who was a bully and constantly called us names such stupid, pathetic, too sensitive, ugly etc, then we will have this voice within us, even if our abusive parent isn’t in our life anymore. It will be a habitual inner bully that punishes us instead of supports us.

Other symptoms of CPTSD are:

Feelings of loneliness and abandonment
Fragile self-esteem
Attachment disorder
Developmental Arrests
Relationship difficulties ( Fear of forming relationships or forming relationships that are too dysfunctional)
Hyper-arousal / extreme flight/fight response
Suicidal ideation
Oversensitivity to stress
Dissociation
Exhaustion
Body armouring (which involves tensing of muscle tissue whenever stress or emotion is experienced. To protect itself, the body takes a defensive, tight, and stiff stance. On a tissue level it enters into a muscular holding pattern that resists change and release. Unexpressed emotions such as anger, fear, and grief are common causes of this phenomenon. This was first described by psychologist Wilhelm Reich).
Impulsivity
Inappropriate anger

The stages of recovering

To recover from abuse and trauma, we must first educate ourselves on a cognitive level. We must understand that we most likely suffer with CPTSD and that it isn’t our fault that we are suffering. We have to put the blame where it belongs – to our abusive primary caregivers.

Secondly we must find a qualified therapist/specialist coach that will help us with the very difficult task of shrinking the inner critic. The inner critic can be a very difficult part of recovery to tackle, as the negativity from this critic has become automatic over our lifetime. It may take a long time to stop the inner critic from affecting us. Constant awareness of when the critic is present will help us stop him in his tracks and try and replace the negative criticisms with positive affirmations and self-compassion.

The next step in recovery is verbal ventilation and the very painful process of grieving our childhood losses. Verbal ventilation is when we speak in a way that releases our painful emotions with a safe person. Grieving our childhood losses means that we actually allow ourselves to cry, be angry and really feel the deep pain of not having had healthy parents. Grieving can take a long time and can sometimes last for a couple of years. In grieving, it is important for us to also grieve our loss of self-esteem and safety.

Once we have successfully grieved, we then must deal with the feelings of abandonment via somatic healing and via learning how to become self-compassionate in moments of depression or anxiety.

Lastly, we will need help with dissecting all our defences, especially those that no longer serve us. We may have picked up defences and behaviours from our abusive parents that are dysfunctional and we will now need support in stopping these defences and practicing more healthy ways of coping.

A very important part of recovery is to learn how to be patient with our progress, as sometimes it isn’t straightforward. Recovery is a journey and self compassion is crucial.

A great mantra according to Pete Walker, is

‘Progress not perfection’

Expecting perfection in recovery isn’t going to help us move forward..

Progress however is key!

Thanks for reading!

Love Athina ♥

© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.

Things not to say to those with a mental illness

Love Athina ♥ © All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.

Complex PTSD & PTSD exhaustion

The exhaustion which comes as a result of suffering with the above conditions is constantly present. No matter how much you sleep or rest, you never seem to feel completely rejuvenated.

The following blog post by Roland Bal further explains this:

https://rolandbal.com/trauma-and-ptsd-exhaustion-fatigue-and-tiredness/

Love Athina ♥

Taking on others’ emotions-Having weak boundaries

When you have grown up in a dysfunctional narcissistic home, taking on others’ emotions becomes the norm. Narcissistic parents teach their children to cater to their feelings & moods and the child learns to ignore their own emotions.

A great book which can help you understand whether you have weak emotional boundaries, is by Charles Whitfield: Boundaries and Relationships: Knowing, Protecting and Enjoying the Self.

The following statements from his book, can help you identify whether you struggle with taking on others’ emotions and neglecting your own.

Answer with “never,” “seldom,” “occasionally,” “often,” or “usually.”

I feel as if my happiness depends on other people.
I would rather attend to others than attend to myself.
I spend my time and energy helping others so much that I neglect my own wants and needs.
I tend to take on the moods of people close to me.
I am overly sensitive to criticism.
I tend to get “caught up” in other people’s problems.
I feel responsible for other people’s feelings.

If you reply mostly with ”often” or ”usually”, then this is something you should consider getting support for. This means that you are extremely affected by the emotions & moods of those around you and aren’t able to focus on your own needs first.

If this is something you relate to and need support for, then please leave a comment below.

Thanks for reading

Love Athina ♥

Guilt & people pleasing

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Second-guessing myself always lingers in the background, when I don’t allow myself to PEOPLE PLEASE..

Feeling guilty for not people-pleasing is something that I just have to make friends with, although sometimes it just feels harder than others.

Being authentic & true to myself is so much more important but breaking old habits is tough, especially when I am not always aware. Sometimes I just seem to realise too late and end up having to deal with whatever it is I said yes to.

Whenever I have lingering guilt after saying ”I am not comfortable with that” or just simply saying ”No”, I try and ask myself why I am feeling this way. It always boils down to not feeling good enough, not being liked & feeling like ‘I am bad’ rather than the healthier ‘I have done something bad’.

I know now, that I was moulded into a people-pleaser by my parents, when I was a young child . Narcissistic parents are very good at using their children as sources of supply, whether that is for adoration, love, doing chores for them, being their emotional crunch or getting them to do all sorts of uncomfortable or age inappropriate things.

I am fully aware that even now, in my thirties, it is a lot easier and less scarier for me to make excuses about why I don’t want to do something rather than to simply say ‘I don’t want to do it’…

As a child, if I simply said NO, I would usually get into trouble and my parents would withdraw their love and attention towards me, until I complied..I learned the hard way that standing up for myself would almost always lead to punishment..

Now as an adult, I still feel crushed whenever I sense that someone isn’t happy with my response. The guilt can sometimes linger for days and this is a really crappy frame of mind to be in, as it isn’t productive or useful. However, part of being able to stop people pleasing, is to accept that you just have to sit with your feelings of guilt, as in the end you are doing what is best for you and not others.

What is your experience with feelings of guilt when choosing not to people-please?

Love Athina ♥♥

HSP-The Highly Sensitive Person

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People who are highly sensitive are born that way; it is not something that is learned.

The scientific term for high sensitivity is “sensory-processing sensitivity” (SPS).

Highly sensitive people have the following traits:

They feel more deeply.
They’re more emotionally reactive.
They’re probably used to hearing “Why are you so sensitive?”
Highly sensitive people are introverts but 30% of HSP’s are extroverts.
They’re more prone to anxiety or depression
That annoying sound is probably significantly more annoying to a highly sensitive person
They cry more easily and are deeply empathetic to other people’s emotions.
Highly sensitive people have reactions to criticism that are more intense than less sensitive people
They’re crushed by bad decisions
They take longer to reach decisions
They are highly conscientious
They tend to be highly intuitive & can tell when someone they care about is upset
They are incredibly observant
They can be easily overwhelmed by bright lights, too much noise, big crowds, strong smells or uncomfortable clothing.

Do you think you might be a highly sensitive person?

If yes, then the following website may be of use to you!

http://hsperson.com/

Love Athina ♥♥

Self-growth

How do we develop ourselves into better human beings?

What steps can we take to become wiser, more self-aware and more humble?

Self-growth is a topic that I think about a lot and when I am interacting with others in my environment, I feel saddened by the fact that so many people don’t seem to acknowledge their weaknesses, don’t find time to make improvements in their life and just seem to be on a path of complaining & under-valuing their lives.

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Although I acknowledge that in my own journey there are many things that I may not be able to completely change, due to circumstance or mental illness, I definetely aspire to bettering myself on a daily basis.

One of the biggest motivations for most people to make changes for the better, comes from a feeling that something isn’t quite right in their lives. They are either too stressed, too angry or just simply feeling depressed. They may start noticing certain destructive patterns repeating in their life and feel completely stuck in trying to make changes.

This is where coaching can be really useful and for the more complex mental health issues, therapy can also be an invaluable source for self-growth.

Although many people think that they have things under control, it is those same people that actually live chaotic lives and just don’t seem to prioritise their own self-development. They aren’t able to be introspective and they remain in the same state of mind most of their lives. They end up reaching the age of 60 and are still acting in ways that are either unhelpful, harmful to others or self-sabotaging.

So what is the first step to self-growth?

What is the one, most important thing that can motivate us to start making lasting changes?

We must acknowledge our weaknesses- It is helpful to write a list as honestly as possible about the things we really struggle with and want to work on. It is good to spend as much time on this as possible, looking at all areas in our life: relationships, work, spiritual, physical health, mental health etc..It might also be helpful to ask close family or friends for feedback about this. Which areas do they think we struggle in. It might not be easy to hear about our struggles at first, especially if we are not aware of them. In the long-term however, it could be very beneficial to us.

It is important to set 1 goal at a time in the area we would like to improve in.

We need to realise that change happens when we break out of bad habits and form new healthier ones. Again this needs to be broken down into smaller goals, by breaking out of 1 bad habit at a time and forming 1 new healthy habit.

We have to accept full responsibility for all areas in our life. This means that we have to fully accept that we are the only ones who can make changes. We can blame others until we go blue in the face but at the end of the day, it is our job to improve our lives. Accepting responsibility of course, doesn’t mean that we completely ignore certain disabilites we may have or certain traumatic events that we may have experienced. It means that we fully own our journey and embrace the unpleasant things we aren’t able to change by grieving them whilst also trying to have gratitude for the things that we are fortunate to have and are able to do.

Enrich our world with learning and doing courses in self-development

Growth comes when we face certain challenges. We have to push ourselves to move out of our comfort zone. Sometimes the things that scare us the most hide the biggest opportunities for self-growth. It is important to face these fears and see how far we can get.

What is your experience with self-growth? Have you looked inside yourself to see if something needs to change?

Feel free to comment or share this blog post.

Love Athina ♥

Covert narcissism-The hidden narcissist

Today’s post and youtube video is about the more hidden type of narcissism known as covert narcissism.

I know how destructive this type of narcissism can be from personal experience and I believe that more people need to be aware that covert narcissists sometimes hide behind a mask of generosity, fake empathy and self-sacrifice.

They walk among us more often than anyone realises and they can be doctors, healthcare workers and psychologists.