You are allowed to outgrow the version of yourself that was created to survive.
Sometimes healing isn’t about becoming a better version of yourself.
It’s about letting go of the version of you that learned to:
Keep everyone happy to avoid conflict.
Feel responsible for other people’s emotions.
Put family expectations before your own needs.
Feel guilty for having boundaries.
Stay small to avoid making others uncomfortable.
Avoid difficult emotions because they never felt safe to express them.
Maintain relationships that no longer reflect who you are.
When you grow up in an emotionally unhealthy family environment, certain behaviours become survival strategies. You learn to adapt, accommodate, anticipate and suppress parts of yourself. But what once protected you may eventually prevent you from living authentically.
Healing involves recognising that you no longer have to live according to the rules you were given as a child.
You are allowed to change. You are allowed to disappoint people. You are allowed to have different values. You are allowed to choose relationships that nourish you. You are allowed to become someone your family may not recognise.
Outgrowing old patterns isn’t betrayal. It’s growth.
What is one thing you are giving yourself permission to outgrow?
On the 21st of August, I sadly had to euthanise my beloved 8 year old dachshund. It all happened within 24 hours and it came out of nowhere. She collapsed after vomiting and we rushed her to the emergency vet hospital. They stabilised her over night, they did an x-ray and ultrasound and the only thing they could see initially was a little liquid in her ovaries which means she may have had the early signs of an infection.
The next morning, they called us and told us she was doing better and even managed a tiny walk. They said they would do a routine spaying operation just to be on the safe side and then she would be home with us in the evening.
A few hours later, after waiting in suspense to hear back from the vet, we got a phone call to say that they needed permission to take more blood, as she was showing unfavourable neurological issues. Unfortunately, the blood test showed high inflammation in her little body, severe anemia and essentially her body was shutting down. Her blood was no longer clotting so they couldn’t operate anymore. She had also had an aneurysm and we were told that the kindest thing we could do was euthanise her. The vet suspected that her body was shutting down due to a tick borne disease which is hard to spot and progresses rapidly. Even though she had been on anti-tick medication, the vet said it is not reliable in preventing disease.
This was an incredible shock, especially after we thought she was coming home to us. Our gorgeous little Daola, was the light of our life, our best friend and our emotional support. For 8 wonderful years, she filled our life with such joy, comfort and unconditional love.
Losing a pet when you also live with CPTSD, is incredibly hard, especially because you already struggle so much with regulating your emotions, self-soothing and hyper vigilance. As someone who lives with this myself, I have had a solid couple of weeks of increased anxiety alongside my grief for my little girl.
It is important to understand that an unexpected death, whether this is a pet or a person, is very hard to navigate. The circumstances may even be traumatic, so when you already live with trauma, your body and mind need time to adjust.
The loss is profound, so the sadness and despair you may feel is completely normal under the circumstances. The stronger the bond and attachment you had to your pet, the stronger the grief and the longer it may take for the intensity of those feelings to subside.
It has been nearly 3 weeks since I lost my gorgeous dog and the grief is still intense. Life feels dull and being at home feels very empty. I am allowing myself to cry and think of her and I am resting as much as possible where I can. Grief can be exhausting, so it is important to practice good self-care.
Many emotions have been present through my grief journey such as guilt, anger, despair and many ‘What if’s’. What if I had gone to the vet earlier? What if I had noticed the signs sooner? All emotions are valid. We try to make sense of the shock and instead of feeling helpless, we try to fill our minds with thoughts that distract us from feeling the pain. This doesn’t work however. Our pet is gone and there is nothing we can do to bring them back. We must grieve that loss and the deep love we felt. The only way to grieve in a healthy way, is through acceptance that they are gone.
A group of courageous souls came together in my first online art therapy group ‘Meet your authentic self’ — exploring creativity, connection, and self-discovery through the gentle power of art therapy.
They created and reflected in ways that helped them peel back the layers of “shoulds” and “expectations,” making space for the truest parts of themselves to shine. They pushed through any uncertainty they were feeling and bravely shared their honest emotions and how they viewed themselves throughout this therapeutic experience and in general.
Group art therapy offers significant benefits, including improved mental health outcomes, enhanced social connections, and increased self-esteem. It provides a safe space for individuals to explore emotions, develop coping mechanisms, and build a sense of community.
Benefits of Group Art Therapy:
Emotional Expression and Processing: Art therapy provides a non-verbal outlet for expressing and processing emotions, which can be particularly helpful for individuals who struggle with verbal communication or have experienced trauma.
Social Connection and Support: Group settings foster a sense of community and belonging, reducing feelings of isolation and providing a supportive network for emotional healing.
Increased Self-Esteem and Self-Awareness: Creative activities can lead to self-discovery, enhancing self-esteem and promoting a more positive self-image.
Reduced Anxiety and Stress: Engaging in art therapy can be calming and relaxing, helping to reduce anxiety and stress levels.
Development of Coping Mechanisms: Art therapy techniques can help individuals develop healthier coping mechanisms for managing difficult emotions and situations.
Improved Communication and Interpersonal Skills: Collaborative art projects and group interactions can enhance communication and build stronger relationships among participants.
Enhanced Creativity and Self-Expression: Art therapy encourages individuals to explore their creative potential and express themselves in new and meaningful ways.
I’m so grateful for each participant’s openness and presence. Thank you for trusting me on this journey! Here’s to carrying these insights forward — and to continuing to meet yourselves with curiosity, compassion, and courage.
If you are interested in joining future online art therapy groups, or one to one art therapy sessions, please leave a comment below!
You can of course join me from anywhere in the world and I am happy to accommodate your time zone as much as this is possible. I am currently in the CEST time zone.
An online group art therapy experience to help you reconnect with the truest part of yourself. If you are at a transitional time in your life, or are maybe just struggling with feeling a little disconnected with yourself, then this art therapy group will help you feel more in touch with yourself and the things that truly matter to you! Held online, so you can join from the comfort of your home and guided by me, a trainee art therapist. Reserve your spot now—limited spaces available. Please comment ‘join’ below by the 11th of July at the latest!
No art skills needed—just a willingness to explore your inner world in a safe, supportive space. Express, reflect, and feel seen—together.
When a parent is emotionally immature, abusive, or neglectful, it can be incredibly painful and confusing for the adult child. These patterns often make it difficult—sometimes even impossible—to maintain a healthy or meaningful relationship with that parent. The adult child may find themselves caught between loyalty and self-preservation, longing for love or validation while also needing to protect their emotional wellbeing.
Over time, repeated invalidation, manipulation, or emotional absence can erode trust, leaving the adult child to grieve the parent they never truly had—not because the parent is gone, but because the relationship cannot meet the basic needs of safety, respect, or mutual care.
Setting boundaries or choosing distance in these cases is not a sign of failure or selfishness—it’s often an act of deep inner strength, rooted in a desire to heal, grow, and break cycles of emotional harm.
If you relate to the above, then my newest video below might be just the right thing for you!
When you have grown up in a dysfunctional family home, with parents who weren’t able to meet you emotional needs and teach you healthy skills in relating to others, you will notice in adulthood that it takes you awhile to figure out how to heal.
In order to start healing you must first acknowledge that you actually had relational trauma. Some people unfortunately never become aware of this trauma and how it affects them and others find out very late in life.
The earlier you become aware, the better!
My new video talks about one of the biggest regrets I have heard my clients share with me about their healing journey.
Talking about childhood trauma can feel overwhelming, especially when opening up to a friend for the first time. How do we explore sharing our story in a way that feels safe and empowering, while also setting boundaries and managing expectations? How do we prepare ourselves for possibly being let down and invalidated by the person we tell?
Talking about something so difficult will never come easy to us, because safety was compromised in our childhood. Sharing the full range of our emotions, wasn’t acceptable and we may have been punished or invalidated a lot. That is why this feels scary and trust doesn’t come easy to us.
The first step to consider, could be to assess our friendship so far with the person we want to tell. Test the waters, so to speak.
Do we feel safe in their presence and can we truly be ourselves with this person?
Does this person listen to us empathetically?
Will we feel relieved by telling a (safe) friend about our trauma?
What will we do if they don’t respond in a validating way? Have there been any instances in the past where they may have invalidated us?
These are all good questions we can ask ourselves.
A safe person or ‘friend’ is one that listens and validates our experience, by saying something like ‘I am sorry to hear you went through that’.
In the above video, I talk about this tricky topic in a little more detail, so please watch it or share it if you think it will help someone.
As I am currently studying to be an art therapist alongside my coaching, I have been exploring art journaling as a way to get more in touch with my own creativity.
Art (therapy) journaling is a wonderful way to explore your emotional wellbeing, to understand what keeps you grounded and to see what comes to the surface through exploration of different materials, colours and techniques. Being creative is a great way to start 2025 and give yourself something that is just for you!
Art journaling can be very relaxing and enjoyable when you have already dabbled in some form of creative expression on paper. If, however, you are completely new to expressing yourself through the use of art materials, drawing, painting or collage, it can feel a little overwhelming at first. When you are new to being creative and aren’t familiar at all with where and how to start, then please let me know and I would be more than happy to help!
More specifically, art therapy is a technique rooted in the idea that creative expression can foster healing and mental well-being. As clients create art, they may analyze what they have made and how it makes them feel. Through exploring their art, people can look for themes and conflicts that may be affecting their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.
If you feel that you would like to explore one to one art therapy sessions online, then please let me know. I would be happy to guide you on this new journey and support you in expressing yourself in a new way.
Wishing you all a Happy New Year with lots of love, prosperity and good health!
Self-silencing is much more common that people think.
Feeling too afraid to express your true thoughts, desires, and emotions often stems from childhood experiences in environments where self-expression didn’t feel safe. This behavior is frequently shaped by generational patterns passed down unconsciously, where parents, influenced by their own upbringing and unresolved trauma, lacked the tools to create a space for open and secure communication.
If you recognize that you have a tendency to self-silence, it’s essential to take proactive steps toward building healthier habits and learning to express yourself more openly and authentically.
Watch my video below, to gain more clarity on self-silencing.
When you grew up in a home with dysfunction, chaos and unpredictable emotional outbursts, your mind and body is constantly thrown into a state of emotional dysregulation. Home didn’t feel safe, so you also didn’t feel safe. When unpredictable and unfair demands were placed on you as a child, this will have caused long term problems with hyper vigilance, low self-worth, shame, anxiety and depression. CPTSD will be the end result of growing up with emotionally immature and/or toxic parents.
As an adult, you will struggle with certain very basic every day things. Normal changes that are very much a part of life, may feel huge for someone with CPTSD. A sudden change in plans, a packed train, an illness or a delayed flight can all create immense anxiety in someone with a history of trauma.
When you live with CPTSD, over-preparing and knowing the details of things in advance, can ease your anxiety and help you feel more comfortable.
Creating safety as much as possible, helps trauma survivors feel better.
Creating regular routines and predictable outcomes can also be very helpful.
It is of course impossible to control everything in your environment, but being prepared can very much help.
When things don’t go as planned, having a back-up plan can create a safety net. Having certain objects with you that provide comfort, can also be extremely helpful.
What is your experience with this? I would love to know in the comments below!
