Boundaries protect us. Boundaries tell others what we are not comfortable with and what we don’t want. Boundaries remind others to respect us. What happens when you are dealing with a narcissist? Do they understand boundaries?
Emotional abandonment is a huge part of growing up with emotionally unavailable parents. Parents who in many cases have NPD but also parents who are alcoholics or addicts or just too immature to have brought a child into this world.
Is this a topic you can relate to?
Did you feel emotionally abandoned and still suffer with people-pleasing tendencies, perfectionism or avoidant tendencies?
Feel free to share your experience in the comments below.
Just a quick post to update you on what I am up to at the moment. I am currently studying my first Counselling module with the Open University alongside my work. I am very excited about this and hoping to complete a whole Diploma in Counselling or a full on Bachelors. I am studying separate modules at a time, which enables me to be more flexible in my choices.
I am still making youtube videos on my channel and also still taking on new clients for coaching.
A lot of research has gone into this video which has a questionnaire about helping people identify whether they might be suffering with CPTSD. I set up a poll on my youtube page, asking my subscribers to choose a video topic out of 4 options and this video was the most popular choice.
As I myself have answered ‘Yes’ to around 34 out of the 40 questions on this questionnaire and have also been diagnosed with CPTSD from 3 different therapists, I know that this questionnaire is very accurate. I created it to help my clients feel validated and to provide a stepping stone in the right direction towards their healing journey.
It is highly important to stress that there are 2 different types of abuse that a child can suffer in their family home. Overt abuse and covert abuse. Most abuse survivors, who have experienced a combination of these 2 types of abuse, will answer ‘YES’ to all 40 questions and will have all CPTSD symptoms, as well as visual, physical and other sensory flashbacks, along with extreme dissociation. Those survivors who have only suffered from covert abuse, also score high on this questionnaire (as much as 38 out of 40). This proves the severity of both types of abuse and sadly many therapists don’t take covert abuse seriously, when they should.
I wholeheartedly hope you find it helpful and if you think others will find it useful and validating, then please share this post as much as possible, .
Also please feel free to add your answers in the comments below this post, or on my youtube channel! Please specify whether you experienced overt abuse or covert abuse or both.
I just wanted to write a quick post today about how grateful I am to have reached 10,000 subscribers on my youtube channel.This is a milestone I never thought I would ever reach! My videos are most definitely not perfect or perfectly edited, yet the information I have been trying to get across is being reached!I am so glad the content I have been uploading has been helping so many people all over the world! Narcissistic/Sociopathic abuse is an epidemic and spreading awareness has been so important to me! This sort of abuse has been happening for far longer than any of us could imagine yet it has only been talked about in detail, in more recent years.
My video ‘Rules children follow in a narcissistic home’ has had over 670,000 views and has been my most validating video for so many children and adult children of narcissists! I still can’t quite believe how many people have been able to relate to the content on my channel!
After a long absence, due to my recent relocation back to the UK from Germany, I am ready to start working again and embrace the world of change and healing.
I have just created a new video for my youtube subscribers and I am very grateful to be back home, so I am able to take on more face to face clients. Although Germany was very international, not everyone I encountered spoke English well.
Now that I am home, it is truly lovely to be able to communicate effectively and clearly and to not have to worry about the language barrier. There are many more opportunities for me in the UK and I am very much looking forward to getting involved with charities that support narcissistic abuse survivors.
In this new video, I talk about the most common signs that you are dating a narcissist.
If you have had experience dating a narcissist, then you will relate to this video. If you are currently in a relationship and feel undermined and confused, then this video might help answer some questions.
If you need support, then please feel free to contact me or another mental health professional. Leaving a relationship where the other person may be a narcissist, is not the same as leaving a healthy relationship. It has to be done very carefully, with reliable support and a clear plan. Victims tend to develop signs of C-PTSD and can suffer greatly with depression & anxiety.
Some narcissists can become dangerous and physically abusive.
The relationship dynamics although similar in most cases, can have unique circumstances, where the abusive partner may also be physically or sexually abusive. In worst cases, the abuse is so severe, that the narcissist may even kill their partner.
Last but not least, trauma bonding makes it very difficult for the victim to leave their abuser so the right support is absolutely necessary.
Please share this blog post or video, if you think it will help someone!
There are so many occasions from my own personal experience, where I have witnessed this type of amnesia. In most of these occasions, it was with a parent.
Narcissistic selective amnesia is real and extremely damaging.
If you have not heard of this before, then my latest youtube video below, will hopefully help.
When you are in the depths of emotional despair, it can be extremely upsetting dealing with this sort of reaction from the narcissist in your life.
Before you are aware that you are being abused by a narcissist, you are usually blind to the narcissist’s ways of abusing you. You have no idea that you are a dealing with a very harmful individual.
When the narcissist practices selective amnesia in response to something you have pointed out, you feel completely at a loss. The frustration can be infuriating to not feel heard & and to not be understood.
The narcissist isn’t always conscious of their selective amnesia unfortunately, but this doesn’t make it any less harmful.
If you have had experience with a narcissist’s selective amnesia, please share it in the comment section below.
Feel free to share this blog post, if you think it will help others.
It is important to know the steps of what to expect after realising your parents are abusive. It is crucial to finally understand why and how you were & are affected by narcissistic abuse. Giving what you have been through a name, is the beginning of your healing journey. It allows for validation of your feelings and to finally KNOW that it wasn’t your fault – It was your parents fault!
To actually work through the emotions, the acceptance of not having had healthy parents and the grief that goes with it, is a whole different challenge however. To reach a better state of mental health, you have to dig deep and allow a lot of painful feelings to come to the surface. Only after working through these painful emotions, will you then have the opportunity to look at your life through a different lens. To look at yourself with more self-compassion & understanding and to learn to set boundaries, takes practice and you need an experienced therapist on your side.
A psychological coach, which is what I have trained as, can support you in changing self-defeating thoughts or behaviours and can support you in the present to move forward with goal setting. A coach is not qualified to guide you through your grieving or acceptance in depth. That is a therapist’s job.
I have had a lot of teenagers watch my youtube videos and I am very much aware that I have to post videos carefully and support these children appropriately.
With empathy & unconditional positive regard, a child can feel a little bit better.
I know that if I had had this support as a child, it probably would have made a world of difference to my mental health.
This is the main reason I am passionate about supporting young people. They need someone to have their back with no strings attached. With narcissistic parents/step-parents, there are always strings attached. There is always some nasty remark waiting to be used against their child/step-child.
Children deserve unconditional love, acceptance, validation of their feelings and a safe environment to call home. This has to become a priority in our society.
Today’s post and youtube video is about the more hidden type of narcissism known as covert narcissism.
I know how destructive this type of narcissism can be from personal experience and I believe that more people need to be aware that covert narcissists sometimes hide behind a mask of generosity, fake empathy and self-sacrifice.
They walk among us more often than anyone realises and they can be doctors, healthcare workers and psychologists.
Covert means: not openly acknowledged or displayed, concealed or hidden
If you find the video or this post useful please feel free to comment, like & share it with anyone who might benefit.