It’s been an extremely busy few days for me recently, which means my blog posts and youtube videos have had to take a back seat.
Work has been a priority, with little time for writing and reflecting.
I have also had an influx of emails from people needing immediate support dealing with narcissistic individuals. It always deeply saddens me to hear all the grief so many are currently experiencing and sometimes I wish I could just take all their pain away.
The ‘No contact’ question has been popping up a lot, so in this video I stress the importance of acceptance. Acceptance in this case, of the fact that a narcissist isn’t able to love or empathize and isn’t going to change and treat you better.
Once you manage to reach a place of acceptance through grief and talking with a professional, it is then easier to make the decision to go ‘no contact’.
As many of you already know, my journey to qualifying as a Life Coach, was based on my own recovery from my narcissistically abusive parents.
For those of you who don’t follow my more personal blog, I wanted to just give you a little insight into my own struggles.
In the last few days, I have been struggling with contact again from my father, after 1 year and a half of not speaking.
I sent him a letter, so he could stop harrassing me by phone.
I never exclusively told him I wanted no contact, but after a very traumatic time following his attempted suicide, (as a way of stopping his wife from leaving him) he gave me the silent treatment for a year, so I just went along with it.
I was not willing to respond to him and was already in a grieving process, even though there was no closure of any sort.
When he finally decided to start hoovering me back in with his phonecalls and sudden caring, I continued to ignore his calls. This communication from him went on for 8 months. I finally got fed up with the constant calls that I decided to send him a letter to end our relationship. I briefly explained my reasons and gave him the chance to reply.
I received his reply and it hit me really hard! More than I expected it to.
I realised that I still had a tiny glimmer of hope that he might change his behaviour and this was a huge setback for me. I also realised how incredibly strong the trauma bonding is between us, even more so than with my mother.
As a means of coping with my recent distress and the final letter to him, which I am in the process of writing at the moment, I created the below video!
It outlines what I have been going through and what many other survivors of abuse face all the time.
Please feel free to share it, if you think it may help others.
Just visit my Youtube page and embed it into your page.
Shame is caused by negative messages. The shame I am highlighting in this video is caused by dysfunctional parents. Shame is insidious and can have detrimental effects on the way we view ourselves and others.
This is something I am very familiar with as a survivor of narcissistic abuse and I want to highlight the cause of shame, so people can maybe identify with what might have been said to them as children and so they can find a way to move forward and heal.
Anxiety can affect our body in so many ways that sometimes it is very hard to differentiate between anxiety or something much more serious.Some symptoms are exactly the same as symptoms caused by more serious health problems, so how do we tell the difference?
It is usually helpful to get check ups with a doctor to rule out anything more serious but most of the time, a doctor can tell you if what you are experiencing is caused by anxiety.
The below symptoms were directly sourced from: www.anxietycentre.comThis website is the most helpful and detailed website out there regarding anxiety, that I have recommended to clients, those suffering from an anxiety disorder & also therapists.
This would be useful, to anybody out there who suffers with Generalised Anxiety, OCD, phobias, panic disorder, PTSD, CPTSD & Social Anxiety.
This website, helped me identify a lot of my own anxiety symptoms several years ago, when I was in a constant state of hyperarousal and anxiety. Shortly after this period, I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD, which finally gave me more insight into my condition.
The symptoms list on this website, were very validating for me at a time that I literally felt like I was going crazy with anxiety.
I personally have experienced the following symptoms, in addition to the most well-known symptoms that most people know about.
Eye problems, vision symptoms
Eyes sensitive to light
Tingling & numbness in arms
Frequent urination
Bad taste in the mouth and anxiety
A tinny, metallic, or ammonia, or unusual smell or taste
Depersonalization
Derealization
Brain fog
Tremors
Which of these symptoms have you experienced from your anxiety disorder?
Below is a detailed list of all the symptoms associated with an anxiety disorder. Did you ever think there were this many?
Body Anxiety Symptoms:
Back pain, stiffness, tension, pressure, soreness, spasms, immobility in the back or back muscles
Blanching (looking pale, loss of color in the face or skin)
Blushing, turning red, flushed face, flushed skin, blushing, red face or skin
Body aches, parts of or your entire body feels sore and achy, feels like your body and muscles are bruised
Body jolts
Body zaps
Body shakes
Body trembling, shaking, anxiety symptoms
Body tremors
Body temperature increase or decrease, change in body temperature
Brain zaps
Burning skin, itchy, crawly, prickly or other skin sensations, skin sensitivity, numbness on the skin
Burning skin sensation on the face, neck, ears, scalp, or shoulders
Buzzing sensation in the feet, toes, hands, fingers, arms, legs
Chest pain anxiety symptoms
Chest pains anxiety symptoms
Chest tightness feeling
Choking
Choking feeling in throat
Chronic Fatigue, exhaustion, super tired, worn out
Chronic pain and anxiety
Clumsiness, feeling clumsy, co-ordination problems with the limbs or body
Cold chills, feeling cold all the time
Cold flashes, flash
Cold hands and feet
Craving sugar, sweets, chocolate, usual craving for sugar and sweets
Crazy thoughts
Difficulty speaking, moving mouth, talking, co-ordination problems with the mouth or tongue
This is the 2nd of 2 informational videos about EMDR. In this video I explain a little more about finding an EMDR therapist and what to look for, what to expect during & after a session and I also give you an idea of what happens in each of the 8 phases of EMDR Therapy.
As someone who has used EMDR, I can highly recommend it for the treatment of PTSD & CPTSD.
Happy Monday dear friends! I have reached 100 followers on this page and I am very grateful for those of you who have supported this new venture. My other blog mychildwithin , documents a lot more about my healing journey and has already been around for just over 1 year. For those of you who already follow it, you may have read about how successful EMDR therapy has been for me, in regards to treating my trauma.
I uploaded a very quick informational video on Youtube about what EMDR is. I will be following this video with 2nd one that focuses on EMDR in a little more detail, in which I will talk about how it feels to have EMDR and what the different phases are that you go through.
As a narcissistic childhood abuse survivor, it has helped me neutralise my biggest traumas. That said, it isn’t of course suitable for everyone. I would recommend it through my own positive experience with it but I would urge you to research it really well and only find a qualified therapist who has training in it.
As a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and in honour of some of my followers who are also survivors of abuse, I want to do a short but very important post today about the unfortunate shaming & silencing that happens to survivors.
It is absolutely horrendous to deny someone of their right to freely talk about their abuse and to deny them the ability to heal.Every time a survivor talks about the abuse to someone who validates them and acknowledges their pain, there is a small layer of healing taking place.
On the other hand, every time a survivor shares their story and isn’t believed, is shamed for not forgiving their abuser or is told to not go public about their abuse, it is destructive & extremely painful. It shows that the person shaming the survivor lacks empathy & understanding for the pain & trauma they have been through. It is re-traumatising and makes the survivor feel isolated & abused once again.
For those of you out there, who don’t know much about child abuse because you have been fortunate enough to grow up with healthy, loving parents please understand this:
Survivors require acknowledgement of their pain & suffering
Survivors require kindness & empathy
Survivors need to hear ‘I am so sorry for what you have been through’
Survivors need to be shown healthy lovely, healthy boundaries because they never learned these in their childhood..
Survivors DON’T want to be told to forgive their abusers
Survivors DON’T want to be told to stop talking about what happened to them just because you are uncomfortable with it.
Survivors DON’T want to be told to ‘Get over it because it was a long time ago’
Survivors DON’T need any more abuse, silencing or shaming.