Tag: Domestic abuse

Narcissists can give you fleas

What does it mean when narcissists give you the fleas?

Fleas comes from the adage “He that lieth down with dogs shall rise up with fleas”, which has been attributed to Benjamin Franklin.  According to Wikipedia, the quote has an almost universally agreed meaning of “You should be cautious of the company you keep. Associating with those of low reputation may not only lower your own but also lead you astray by the faulty assumptions, premises and data of the unscrupulous”

When a victim has the fleas, it means that they have picked up behaviours of the narcissist. This is mainly because they have been exposed to the narcissist’s behaviours for a prolonged period of time and have ended up feeling helpless and hopeless.

The victim will look for ways to escape and sometimes will resort to behaviours which are not characteristic but serve as a way to demonstrate their anger and alleviate the powerlessness they have been feeling.

The good thing is, that victims that use narcissistic behaviours against their abusers, quickly back down and feel ashamed and remorseful. This shows that they don’t need to be afraid of turning into a narcissist themselves.

Some examples of getting fleas can be when a victim shows passive aggressive behaviours when feeling cornered or triggered by someone close to them.

They could also at times become aggressive towards a narcissistic partner or parent.

Lastly, they may even shout at their parent or partner and even end up calling them names.

These are just maladaptive behaviours that can be changed by being self-reflective and by asking a therapist for support. Victims of narcissistic abuse live with C-PTSD so they will not always be able to cope in a healthy way. They just need the right guidance to makes changes by turning unhealthy coping mechanisms into healthy ones.

Thanks for reading!

Love Athina ♥

© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.

 

Narcissistic abuse red flags

If you have noticed the following red flags in a person close to you, then you need to take precautions. Below is a check list which you need to pay close attention to. The more of these you can relate to, the quicker you need to remove yourself from a relationship with such a disordered person.

Narcissists are everywhere and can be both male or female. They can be partners, family members, friends, teachers, managers, therapists, coaches, spiritual advisors, neighbours and any person in a position of power.

PATTERNS TO WATCH OUT FOR

  1.  You have a feeling something is wrong or feels off
  2. Constant lying or exaggerating
  3. No regards for rules or laws
  4. Overly concerned with public image
  5. Has too many chaotic relationships in their past
  6. Never apologises
  7. Makes excuses often
  8. Poor financial management
  9. No accountability
  10. Destroyed relationships
  11. No real friendships
  12. Demands trust
  13. Projects their feelings onto you
  14. You feel uncomfortable or in danger
  15. Aggressive/Passive Aggressive
  16. Has double standards
  17. Cheats in relationships
  18. Blames others constantly
  19. Controlling
  20. Isolating
  21. Two faced and hyper critical
  22. Backstabber
  23. Acts differently in private and in public
  24. Drug or alcohol addict
  25. Distorts facts to suit their needs
  26. Plays the victim often
  27. Insults, teases, smirks
  28. Provokes and then blames
  29. Creates circular conversations
  30. Is shaming
  31. Is condescending
  32. Twists your words in arguments
  33. Your feelings aren’t validated
  34. They can have different personas around different people
  35. They guilt-trip you
  36. They thrive on drama
  37. The thrive on causing you pain
  38. They know how to push your buttons
  39. They have to always be right
  40. They can’t laugh at themselves
  41. They belittle your accomplishments
  42. They compete with you
  43. They often gaslight you
  44. They give you the silent treatment
  45. They turn others against you including family
  46. They alienate children from the other parent
  47. They withhold attention or affection as a manipulation tactic
  48. They give you inconsistent details of their past
  49. They are ruled by money and want yours
  50. They get bored easily
  51. They are status orientated
  52. They are self-centred and entitled
  53. They have a big ego
  54. They groom their victims
  55. They badmouth their exes yet return to them to make you jealous
  56. When meeting a potential partner they love bomb them.
  57. They remember things you did years ago and bring them up in arguments
  58. They rewrite history to suit them
  59. Can pretend to be hyper-emotional so they can manipulate others
  60. They might constantly correct you – nothing you do is ever right

If you think you are indeed dealing with a narcissist and need support, then please feel free to contact me. Detaching from or dealing with a narcissist is not an easy task, especially if they are a partner or family member.

If you feel you are in danger, then please contact your nearest Refuge or move to a location the narcissist doesn’t know about. Record all conversations if you can (stick to texts or emails) so nothing can be used against you.

Most of all, look after yourself. Self-care is extremely important!

Love Athina ♥♥♥

© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.

 

 

Rules a partner has to follow in a relationship with a narcissist

 

It is important to see these rules, as if the narcissist was saying them directly to their partner. This will enable the victim (soon to be survivor) to relate in a more intense way and to get help to leave the narcissist.

Love Athina ♥

 

Relocation back to the UK and new Youtube video – ‘Signs you are dating a narcissist’

After a long absence, due to my recent relocation back to the UK from Germany, I am ready to start working again and embrace the world of change and healing.

I have just created a new video for my youtube subscribers and I am very grateful to be back home, so I am able to take on more face to face clients. Although Germany was very international, not everyone I encountered spoke English well.

Now that I am home, it is truly lovely to be able to communicate effectively and clearly and to not have to worry about the language barrier. There are many more opportunities for me in the UK and I am very much looking forward to getting involved with charities that support narcissistic abuse survivors.

In this new video, I talk about the most common signs that you are dating a narcissist.

If you have had experience dating a narcissist, then you will relate to this video. If you are currently in a relationship and feel undermined and confused, then this video might help answer some questions.

If you need support, then please feel free to contact me or another mental health professional. Leaving a relationship where the other person may be a narcissist, is not the same as leaving a healthy relationship. It has to be done very carefully, with reliable support and a clear plan. Victims tend to develop signs of C-PTSD and can suffer greatly with depression & anxiety.

Some narcissists can become dangerous and physically abusive.

The relationship dynamics although similar in most cases, can have unique circumstances, where the abusive partner may also be physically or sexually abusive. In worst cases, the abuse is so severe, that the narcissist may even kill their partner.

Last but not least, trauma bonding makes it very difficult for the victim to leave their abuser so the right support is absolutely necessary.

Please share this blog post or video, if you think it will help someone!

Thanks for reading and watching!

Love Athina ♥

© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.

Healing from abuse

The sad thing about healing from abuse is that many people who haven’t themselves been abused, can’t possibly understand the survivor’s journey.

Healing from abuse is unique to each individual who has experienced it. The survivor will be emotionally damaged and/or physically hurt and unfortunately this damage is sometimes irreversible. Abuse leaves behind scars unique to each survivor’s experience.

Although healing means that your mind and body are able to recover, this doesn’t mean that the person can return to being ‘normal’.

The aftermath of abuse is usually permanent.

There might be long-lasting Complex PTSD for those who suffered child abuse, human trafficking, kidnapping or other severe types of abuse.

For some individuals abuse might be all they have known. They don’t have a pre-trauma or pre-abuse identity. They might not know what it is truly like to feel safe.

To all survivors of abuse or trauma,it is very important to remember this:

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Love Athina ♥

© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.

 

Why is going ‘no contact’ so hard?

It’s been an extremely busy few days for me recently, which means my blog posts and youtube videos have had to take a back seat.

Work has been a priority, with little time for writing and reflecting.

I have also had an influx of emails from people needing immediate support dealing with narcissistic individuals. It always deeply saddens me to hear all the grief so many are currently experiencing and sometimes I wish I could just take all their pain away.

The ‘No contact’ question has been popping up a lot, so in this video I stress the importance of acceptance. Acceptance in this case, of the fact that a narcissist isn’t able to love or empathize and isn’t going to change and treat you better.

Once you manage to reach a place of acceptance through grief and talking with a professional, it is then easier to make the decision to go ‘no contact’.

Thanks for watching and reading

Love Athina ♥♥

© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.

How to detect whether you or someone you care about is in an abusive relationship.

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When a relationship starts off with subtle signs of possessiveness or teasing that undermines the partner, this may then escalate to full blown domestic violence.

When one partner is trying to control the other partner in ways that are sometimes confusing and feel uncomfortable, then this may then escalate to complete and utter isolation from family and friends.

Sometimes the signs in abusive relationships are so subtle, that it is difficult to tell if someone is going to end up being abusive or not. Abuse can only be emotional and mental in some relationships. It doesn’t necessarily have to be physical and sexual. In other cases, it can be a combination of mental, physical, sexual & financial abuse.

The video I did today is important for those of you who know someone you suspect may be in an abusive relationship.If you suspect that it is actually your partner that is abusive, then please get in touch and I can put you in contact with the appropriate charities and organisations that can help you.

Love Athina ♥

© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.

Spreading a little awareness sparkle

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Just a quick post about something that matters as equally as physical health.

We all live with mental health and mental illness can touch all of us at least once in our lifetime.So how openly do we talk about it and how easily do we feel uncomfortable mentioning our struggles to a co-worker, family member or friend?

I have encountered so many of the below unhelpful phrases from ignorant individuals, so for this reason, I will keep spreading awareness of the importance of validating someone’s struggles with their mental health.

‘Don’t dwell on the past’

‘Aren’t you over it by now?’

‘Can’t you just try and be more happy?’

‘Stop focusing on the negative’

‘Strong people just get on with it’

‘Stop being a hypochondriac’

‘Stop being so self-centered’

‘Just snap out of it!’

‘You are just looking for attention’

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Look after yourselves ♥

Love Athina ♥

© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.

Shame

Shame is caused by negative messages. The shame I am highlighting in this video is caused by dysfunctional parents. Shame is insidious and can have detrimental effects on the way we view ourselves and others.

This is something I am very familiar with as a survivor of narcissistic abuse and I want to highlight the cause of shame, so people can maybe identify with what might have been said to them as children and so they can find a way to move forward and heal.

Love ♥ Athina

© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.

 

Trauma bonding

Trauma bonding is the reason people choose abusive partners time and time again.

Trauma bonding is also known as Stockholm syndrome, something that is mentioned a lot when someone has been abducted.

Trauma bonding is something that starts in a person’s childhood, if they have suffered abuse or neglect.

If you are someone who keeps choosing emotionally unavailable partners or abusive partners, then this is why.

Love Athina ♥

© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.