In this video, I talk about the ‘lesser talked about’ traits of someone with NPD. What is your experience?
If you are in need of support, please reach out by emailing me at courageisallyouneed@gmail.com
In this video, I talk about the ‘lesser talked about’ traits of someone with NPD. What is your experience?
If you are in need of support, please reach out by emailing me at courageisallyouneed@gmail.com
2023 is finally upon us and it is common for some of us to have plans for a fresh start in one or two areas of our life. This could be to tackle our health, our mental health, a change of job, or to end a relationship that no longer serves us. It could also be a new beginning in terms of getting married, moving home or starting a family. It all depends on how fortunate we are, what part of the world we live in, how blessed we are to have safety, family, a job or even the freedom to live as we wish.
Survival in this world is tough when we don’t have the means, the support system, the education, a good start in life, good health and loving people around us. Leaving our comfort zone can be very scary when we don’t have some of these needs met.
War is still driving so many families to seek refuge in unfamiliar territory and for those who choose to stay, they are faced with daily uncertainty, fear and loss. Why is one human life more important than another? It is such a cruel world we live in yet many of us still want to bring children into it to satisfy our personal needs of being parents.
In my lifetime so far, I have encountered so much abuse, neglect and nastiness from people that it has been truly disheartening to believe in the good of humans. There is so much inequality, unfairness and immorality. Humans keep making the same mistakes, hurting each other, themselves and other beings. There is generational trauma with no end in sight.
How do you cope in a world with such emotional complexity when you are a highly sensitive person (HSP) or empath?
As one myself, I truly find solace in the little things and my daily routines. I avoid watching the news, aspire to filling my day with uplifting rituals and by cocooning myself and my family within our own little bubble, I feel completely at peace, safe and content. By practicing gratitude for the things I am blessed with, I find joy in being alive. By supporting and helping others, I feel a sense of reward. When I encounter people who are strong, compassionate and generous, despite the fact that they may have had it tough in their lives, I feel hopeful.
Humans can also be wonderful, caring & brilliant souls that inspire others and bring positivity into the world. I would rather surround myself with these types of humans and have a smaller social circle rather than subject myself to energy vampires or narcissists. There will always be good and bad and a mixture of both. Not everyone is our ‘cup of tea’ and not everyone will contribute to our life in a way that is fulfilling.
How do you cope in this world as a HSP or empath?
How do you deal with the rollercoaster of emotions that hit you when you are overstimulated by the injustice and wrongs in your environment?
What is your experience?
If you relate to this post, then feel free to share your experience in the comments below.
Love Athina
Dear readers,
I hope you have all survived the holiday period and are feeling optimistic about this year. I am very much hoping we will see the end of the Covid pandemic this year and our lives can return to a semi-normal state. I also hope that our mental health will improve and that we will find ways to feel more in tune with ourselves, our needs, our bodies and our minds.
Mental health has been affected so much over the last couple of years due to the pandemic but it has been even tougher for those of us who have had numerous other struggles due to a traumatic past, toxic family members, grief, financial insecurity and other physical health issues.
For those of us specifically, who struggle with anxiety and CPTSD, we know all too well how tricky it is to keep our emotions regulated when we are triggered or scared.
Personally, as a lot of you may already know, I have always struggled with anxiety and low mood. Over the last couple of years however, I have been able to manage my symptoms much more successfully. This has made it easier for me to support others through my coaching and Youtube channel and to also continue to work on my own personal development through more training. Yoga has become a big part of my life, as is walking my dog and trying to keep active. Deep breathing and mindfulness has also helped immensely but the one thing I still struggled with until recently, was getting myself to an immediate state of calm when in the grips of anxiety.
The worst of my anxiety is usually when I travel by plane or when I have to do something that puts me in the spotlight. I also get extremely anxious when I think about losing someone I am attached to. Just before Christmas, I decided to try something completely different and was gifted something that eases anxiety. Although I was rather skeptical at first, after reading so many good reviews about it, I decided to give it a go.
This device is called CalmiGO.
CalmiGO is scientifically proven and uses 3 methods to lower anxiety levels:
-Relaxing scent
-Multi-sensory stimulation or grounding
-Breathing regulation (exhalation prolongation)
These 3 methods combined, activate the parasympathetic nervous system and lower stress level hormones.
CalmiGO is drug free and safe to use and if you would like to find out more about it, then feel free to click on this link:
www.calmigo.com/pages/about-me
My experience with using CalmiGO so far has been absolutely brilliant.
After trying this device for 3 minutes as recommended, I immediately noticed a reduction in my anxiety levels.
The most important part of the device for me is that it encourages you to prolong your exhalation. This is scientifically proven to decrease those awful symptoms of anxiety such as dizziness, accelerated heart rate, nausea and chest pain. When we are anxious, we end up breathing much too fast which results in a decrease of PCO2 levels. CalmiGO reverses this with exhalation prolongation. Since prolonging my exhalation was always the trickiest part for me, CalmiGO has been incredibly helpful in getting me to do this successfully. It vibrates and lights up whenever you reach a long enough exhalation, so this helps immensely when you are doing this for 3 minutes or more. Take a look at the photos below for an idea of what CalmiGO looks like and how to use it.
When I ordered CalmiGO, it arrived wonderfully packaged and came with a very detailed guide on how to use it effectively. It came with a little rubber cover and also an easy to use pouch to carry it in. There was also a pack of AAA batteries, a small screwdriver and a pack of 2 scented element attachments. One of these scented element attachments is placed on the front of the device near the ‘on and off’ switch. My preferred choice was lavender but you can also choose peppermint or bergamot if you prefer.
Although there is a detailed guide on how to use it effectively, there is also a tutorial video which you can watch here:
http://www.calmigo.com/pages/tutorial
Since I have found CalmiGO so incredibly useful in my personal life, I decided to collaborate with the founders of CalmiGO and I am offering a $30 discount on every purchase made through their website.
By adding the code COURAGE as a voucher when you add CalmiGO to your shopping cart, you get the above discount on the total price. Go to the link below to gets yours 🙂
CalmiGO really is an investment in a life with less anxiety.
For those of you who live with CPTSD or PTSD, CalmiGO will help ground you and if used every day for a month during a time where you are really struggling with panic and anxiety, you will see a huge decrease in your symptoms.
If you have any questions or would like to share your experience using CalmiGO, then please feel free to leave a comment below.
Much love
Athina
Over the last 9 months, I have been lucky enough to connect with Kayla on her brilliant journey of self-evolving. Kayla is a counsellor who very much enjoys supporting her clients in becoming the best version of themselves, as she also does for herself.
Kayla has created this brilliant brand which celebrates those of us who keep evolving and growing in our mental health journeys.
Kayla’s website is brilliant and deserves celebrating.
You can read about 3 self-evolvers’ journeys and also buy some brilliant clothing and accessories that are inspiring and mental health promoting.
You can also become an ambassador for the brand, if you think this is something you would enjoy.
Kayla’s brand is empowering and positive.
Click on the link below to check out it out
Thank you, Love Athina
Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others.
Emotional intelligence is the one part of the human psyche that we can develop and improve by learning and practising new skills.
My newest video on my youtube channel, talks about emotional intelligence in more detail.
Love Athina ♥
© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.
A lot of my followers on this blog and also subscribers from my youtube channel keep coming to me with the same question ‘How do I heal from childhood abuse?’.
Although this is something I have already addressed previously, I have decided to actually explore this in as much detail as I possibly can.
I will address this with reference to my own recovery journey and also by looking at research done by psychologists, psychotherapists and trauma specialists such as Pete Walker, Wilhelm Reich, Dr Bessel Van Der Kolk and many more.
Healing from childhood abuse isn’t a simple process. It takes a huge amount of courage, inner strength & resilience. It requires a willingness to become more self-aware of our own dysfunctional coping mechanisms, that we may have learnt from our primary caregivers.
If our parents were high on the narcissism spectrum, we will have endured years of all or some of the following:
Living in a household with abuse, causes the child to develop Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Complex post traumatic stress disorder is a more severe form of PTSD and has the following 5 features:
Emotional flashbacks are the most characteristic part of CPTSD. They are sudden and sometimes prolonged age regressions to the overwhelming feelings of being abused or neglected as a child. Emotional flashbacks don’t have a visual component. These flashbacks do however include an overwhelming feeling of fear, shame, alienation, abandonment, depression and emotional pain. They can range in intensity from subtle to unbearable.
Toxic shame is the when an individual has an overwhelming feeling that they are flawed, loathsome or stupid. It completely destroys a person’s self-esteem and causes the person to abandon themselves emotionally. This creates a feeling of hopelessness and helplessness.
The inner critic is the internalised punishing voice of our abusive parent. If we had a parent who was a bully and constantly called us names such stupid, pathetic, too sensitive, ugly etc, then we will have this voice within us, even if our abusive parent isn’t in our life anymore. It will be a habitual inner bully that punishes us instead of supports us.
Other symptoms of CPTSD are:
The stages of recovering
To recover from abuse and trauma, we must first educate ourselves on a cognitive level. We must understand that we most likely suffer with CPTSD and that it isn’t our fault that we are suffering. We have to put the blame where it belongs – to our abusive primary caregivers.
Secondly we must find a qualified therapist/specialist coach that will help us with the very difficult task of shrinking the inner critic. The inner critic can be a very difficult part of recovery to tackle, as the negativity from this critic has become automatic over our lifetime. It may take a long time to stop the inner critic from affecting us. Constant awareness of when the critic is present will help us stop him in his tracks and try and replace the negative criticisms with positive affirmations and self-compassion.
The next step in recovery is verbal ventilation and the very painful process of grieving our childhood losses. Verbal ventilation is when we speak in a way that releases our painful emotions with a safe person. Grieving our childhood losses means that we actually allow ourselves to cry, be angry and really feel the deep pain of not having had healthy parents. Grieving can take a long time and can sometimes last for a couple of years. In grieving, it is important for us to also grieve our loss of self-esteem and safety.
Once we have successfully grieved, we then must deal with the feelings of abandonment via somatic healing and via learning how to become self-compassionate in moments of depression or anxiety.
Lastly, we will need help with dissecting all our defences, especially those that no longer serve us. We may have picked up defences and behaviours from our abusive parents that are dysfunctional and we will now need support in stopping these defences and practicing more healthy ways of coping.
A very important part of recovery is to learn how to be patient with our progress, as sometimes it isn’t straightforward. Recovery is a journey and self compassion is crucial.
A great mantra according to Pete Walker, is
‘Progress not perfection’
Expecting perfection in recovery isn’t going to help us move forward..
Progress however is key!
Thanks for reading!
Love Athina ♥
© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.
Ever since I made my youtube video ‘How does PTSD affect intimate relationships’, I have had so many of you contact me with questions about how to cope and support your partners. The reality is that it takes a very strong person to love someone who lives with PTSD, as they also live with it indirectly.
Loving someone with PTSD can easily takes its’ toll on the relationship and on the partner doing all the supporting. It can affect intimacy, communication & the expression of emotion.
The person with PTSD may not be able to work full time or may not be able to work at all.
It is of course very different for each individual relationship, as the severity of the PTSD is unique to each individual.
The most important thing to remember is that both partners have to practice self-care..
The one doing the supporting can also end up suffering from depressive episodes or anxiety..They may also generally feel mentally exhausted..
Breaks are very important and the partner of someone with PTSD, may at times need to take a mental holiday away from their partner..This is completely OK and almost necessary for the survival of the relationship.
Thanks so much for reading and please share this post if you think it may help someone!
Love Athina ♥♥
© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.
There are countless times in my own personal life, where my own vulnerability got me into trouble.
At times where all I wanted was genuine comfort & love, I met people who took advantage of my vulnerable state of mind. Those people in particular had narcissistic traits and I only realised this of course when it was a little too late!
If you are in the middle of grieving, or fresh out of a bad relationship, be sure to tread carefully.
If you grew up in a dysfunctional home and now live with Complex PTSD, then you will always be vulnerable to the wrong person. Unless you have had a chance to work through your childhood trauma and come out of therapy healthier, choosing the wrong people to associate with, will be familiar but dangerous.
The trauma bond is what makes survivors of abuse more susceptible to predators in sheep’s clothing. Especially when it comes to romantic interests or intimate encounters.
A lot of survivors of abuse will settle for sex when in reality they really want love and a sense of acceptance.
Narcissists are experts at hiding their true colours at the beginning. They are also attracted to empaths & sensitive people like magnets.
If you have had an experience like this that has affected you, then please feel free to share it in the comments below.
Feel free to re-blog this post, if you think it will help others.
Thank you
Love Athina ♥
© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.
Mental illness has always been a part of my life. Whether it is through my own personal journey, through my family’s or watching friends struggle.
Although I haven’t been writing on here much, mental health will always remain a very important cause that I will always talk about. It is crucial for anybody struggling with mental illness to feel heard, to feel validated & to feel safe.
Empathy & understanding are necessary and we must all do our best to listen without judgement.
Life can sometimes throw us a curveball and none of us will ever know when this might happen.
Talk about mental health!
Be open & honest!
Be understanding!
Listen & give plenty of hugs to those struggling!
Sometimes that is enough to make someone’s day a little better!
Love Athina ♥
© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.
The sad thing about healing from abuse is that many people who haven’t themselves been abused, can’t possibly understand the survivor’s journey.
Healing from abuse is unique to each individual who has experienced it. The survivor will be emotionally damaged and/or physically hurt and unfortunately this damage is sometimes irreversible. Abuse leaves behind scars unique to each survivor’s experience.
Although healing means that your mind and body are able to recover, this doesn’t mean that the person can return to being ‘normal’.
The aftermath of abuse is usually permanent.
There might be long-lasting Complex PTSD for those who suffered child abuse, human trafficking, kidnapping or other severe types of abuse.
For some individuals abuse might be all they have known. They don’t have a pre-trauma or pre-abuse identity. They might not know what it is truly like to feel safe.
To all survivors of abuse or trauma,it is very important to remember this:
Love Athina ♥
© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.