Category: Child abuse

Breaking the cycle of your childhood abuse-Start being kind to yourself

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Of course it isn’t as simple as the 4 things written in the photo but it is definetely true that in order to break the horrible pattern of abuse from your childhood, you have to stop abusing yourself. YOU hold the answers to how much you will recover and it is up to you to start changing your thought patterns day by day..Nobody ever said it would be easy but it is possible..

The internalised messages of ‘You are not good enough, you are stupid’ are just repeats of what your abusers told you. They aren’t the ‘real’ you! The real you is a worthwhile person who deserves love and happiness.The real you is a person who deserves to heal and doesn’t need a nasty inner critic. With the help of a therapist or a coach, you can keep yourself on track. By having someone to report to, this might help you be more motivated. It is very important to keep trying as your brain needs sustained effort to learn ‘new, healthier messages’. That is why it is important to practice the above steps every day.

Your brain needs time to destroy the old habit wiring already in existence and then build new wiring for your new empowering positive affirmations.

Whatever your mind keeps hearing, it will eventually accept as truth. So what you want to do is to start repeating your new positive thoughts to yourself. Do it constantly. Do it repeatedly. Do it daily. Do it with passion, conviction and belief.

Tips on forming a healthy relationship after you’ve experienced an emotionally abusive one

It can be quite worrying to think about a new relationship especially if the previous one was emotionally scarring for you. Emotional abuse in an intimate relationship can erode you self-esteem, your trust and your ability to believe in the possibility of healthy love. I have been there in the past and know really well how difficult this can be to overcome.

Here I have listed a few things that helped me move forward in my own life. I am now happily married after many failed emotionally abusive relationships. Maybe the following tips might help you too.There is always hope!

WHY – IDENTIFY ‘WHY’ YOU WERE DRAWN TO AN EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE PARTNER IN THE PAST, SO YOU CAN AVOID FALLING FOR ONE IN THE FUTURE (Low confidence, vulnerable time of your life, history of trauma)

FORGIVE YOURSELF – BE SELF-COMPASSIONATE AND DON’T CRITICIZE YOURSELF FOR HAVING CHOSEN AN ABUSIVE PARTNER.

SELF REFLECTION – GET IN TOUCH WITH HOW YOU TREAT YOURSELF FIRST (what is your self-belief system like? Do you respect yourself? )

BELIEF – BELIEVE IT IS POSSIBLE TO BE ABLE TO LOVE & BE LOVED IN A HEALTHY WAY.

RED FLAGS – MAKE A LIST OF ABUSIVE RED FLAGS TO WATCH OUT FOR IN FUTURE PARTNERS

SUPPORT SYSTEM – MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A SUPPORT SYSTEM OF FRIENDS AND FAMILY AROUND YOU THAT ARE HEALTHY OR A THERAPIST TO HELP YOU HEAL FROM YOUR PAST EXPERIENCE

TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS – IF SOMETHING DOESN’T FEEL RIGHT IT PROBABLY ISN’T

MAKE SURE ACTIONS MATCH WORDS – MAKE SURE THERE IS CONCISTENCY WITH WHAT SOMEONE SAYS AND WITH HOW THEY ACT

EMOTIONAL FLASHBACKS – BE MINDFUL OF WHETHER YOUR REACTIONS ARE ACTUALLY RELATED TO THE PRESENT OR WHETHER THEY ARE CREEPING UP FROM THE PAST.

TESTING THE WATER – TELL YOUR NEW PARTNER ABOUT YOUR PREVIOUS EMOTIONAL ABUSE BEFORE YOU ARE INTIMATE – THEIR REACTION WILL HELP YOU DETERMINE IF THEY ARE A ‘SAFE, CARING PERSON’

I will be talking about these tips in much more detail very soon on my youtube channel. I will post a link to this very soon when it is ready.

Thanks for stopping by!

Love Athina

 

 

Mother’s Day when you had an abusive mother

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Practicing self-compassion when you didn’t have a nurturing mother is very important.

To not feel like celebrating your mother on Mother’s day is completely understandable when she was abusive, overly critical, neglectful & selfish.

The same goes for Father’s day or any other major holiday that focuses on the family unit.

If you are still in contact with an abusive parent, please don’t feel guilty about not doing anything if that is how you truly feel. If your mother complains to you about not doing anything, don’t let her complaints affect you.

If you do decide to send your mother a card, please don’t feel guilty if you can’t write anything in it that is warm and loving. Maybe a card that simply states ‘Happy Mother’s Day’ is enough!

In any case, it is a personal choice and nothing is right or wrong.  Just go with your feelings and be kind to yourself.