Uncategorized – Page 15

Cognitive Dissonance

Thanks to the darling husband, I’ve been able to expand my educational horizon.

“Cognitive dissonance is a concept in social psychology. It is the discomfort felt by a person who holds conflicting ideas, beliefs or values at the same time. In this state, people may feel surprise, dread, guilt, anger, or embarrassment. Reacting to this unpleasant state, people have a motivational drive to reduce dissonance. Leon Festinger’s theory of cognitive dissonance was developed to predict and explain how people reacted to this situation.”

Narcissistic abuse causes cognitive dissonance. Then they use it to keep you in a constant state of chaos. I don’t know if they all do, but mine could rationalize anything he wanted to. He could later contradict his rationale and make that sound 100% rational. At first, it was a trait I liked about him; the ability to make sense out of certain feelings, emotions, events, ect…

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Anxiety-The thing we all hate but must embrace!

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Have you watched the film The Babadook? It is an incredibly powerful horror film that has a very strong psychological message. ****If you haven’t seen it then this might be a spoiler *****

The important thing I want to state before including a quoted review of the film is that although mental illness and specifically an anxiety disorder cannot be completely cured, we can choose to live with it rather than fight it. The more you fight something that scares you, the bigger the fear becomes. This is something that happens with anxiety. If you are experiencing anxiety and you tell yourself ‘don’t be anxious’ this usually results in your anxiety getting worse..It’s a bit like telling yourself to not think of a donut.The more you tell yourself to not think about a donut, the more you actually think about the donut! It doesn’t work! This is why with mental illness and in this case with anxiety, it makes much more sense to accept it and even say something like ‘Hello anxiety, I see you are back again.I am not scared of you anymore and I know you will eventually subside. I can manage you by taking a few deep breaths and changing my thoughts to more helpful ones”.

You may adjust this slightly to however you prefer or in whatever way makes it helpful to you. Of course mental illness is debilitating at its worst but with a few coping techniques it becomes manageable.

The film introduces us to mother and son, Amelia and Samuel, who are terrorised by a monster called the Babadook. The Babadook monster is introduced through a book called Mister Babadook and a very important line in this book is ” You can’t get rid of the Babadook”. The Babadook figure appears over and over in the film and it’s presence gets stronger and stronger, as Amelia and Samuel get more fearful of it.

”Whilst it occasionally threatens to overwhelm her (Amelia), as evidenced in the scene where she takes it food, her acknowledgment and understanding of it is what gives her the power to control it.The Babadook hasn’t gone away, and it hasn’t been defeated. Much like a chronic mental illness, it is not something that can be “cured”, and so the most important weapon against it is knowledge and acceptance. For Amelia, the realisation of how she is hurting her son is the moment where she finds the strength to separate herself from the Babadook”.

Sourced from this review:

http://the-artifice.com/the-babadook-mental-illness/

Mother’s Day when you had an abusive mother

Practicing self-compassion when you didn’t have a nurturing mother is very important.

To not feel like celebrating your mother on Mother’s day is completely understandable when she was abusive, overly critical, neglectful & selfish.

The same goes for Father’s day or any other major holiday that focuses on the family unit.

If you are still in contact with an abusive parent, please don’t feel guilty about not doing anything if that is how you truly feel. If your mother complains to you about not doing anything, don’t let her complaints affect you.

If you do decide to send your mother a card, please don’t feel guilty if you can’t write anything in it that is warm and loving. Maybe a card that simply states ‘Happy Mother’s Day’ is enough!

In any case, it is a personal choice and nothing is right or wrong. Just go with your feelings and be kind to yourself.

Real change sometimes requires patience..

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How many times have you found yourself trying something new and giving up after the 1st try? What are your thoughts? Do you make excuses to avoid trying again? Are you embarassed because others witnessed you make a mistake? Or are you one of those people who really doesn’t care and keeps trying regardless of the initial result…

Most of the time when we try something new, we are curious and interested in how we will progress and this keeps us moving forward until we get better. This is great!

What happens however, when we have to learn a new language but find it really difficult and don’t have the motivation to really try? Is it ok to just accept that some things are just not for us? How much of a chance do we have to give new things?

In my experience, if you give up too soon you haven’t really given it enough of a chance to become habitual. To make a lasting change in anything we have to keep at it until it becomes automatic. It is like learning to ride a bike. Once we have learned the skill we are able to just do it..

The biggest challenge for people having to learn a new way of thinking or behaving is that they have to be able to sit with any uncomfortable feelings that may arise. Change can be very scary and to try something new that you also aren’t really interested in, makes things a lot harder.Being motivated is very important. If you lack motivation and interest in something, then it makes sense that you will give up straight away.

The more you try, the more experience you gain. You can make many mistakes but that is ok as long as you eventually learn from them. Once you start slowly accumulating small successes in your efforts, the whole learning experience then becomes more comfortable and enjoyable.

Being An Empath Is Beautiful

A very insightful post on empaths..Can identify to so many of the many traits listed here. How about you?

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I’m learning that being an empath can be a beautiful thing.. but it means I have to take exceptional care of my emotional, spiritual and physical health in order to be balanced and stay well. It’s taken my lifetime so far to understand myself and my needs as a sensitive. In the past I attracted narcissistic people and suffered from chronic depression, chronic stress, PTSD and multiple autoimmune disorders… It hasn’t been easy.

I’ve had so many lessons to learn regarding self protection, observing not absorbing, responding not reacting, healing the past, what food to eat, personal boundaries, self care, self love, avoiding toxins and toxic people, acceptance, forgiveness, handling emotional stress, how to re-energize, positive thinking … the list goes on.. and on..

I am finally learning to be me and to be well..

This is a good article by Alex Myles regarding accepting, honouring and embracing your high…

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Procastination, perfectionism, negative thinking? We all have something we do that makes our life more difficult

Humans are fallible beings and we all have moments where we over-complicate the way we live our lives.

It is very difficut to balance our work-family-personal life without getting overwhelmed.

There are always those overly boring tasks that we always put off or that presentation at work that we have to get perfect. Many of us find rejection quite painful and have thoughts such as ‘No one will ever love me again’ or ‘I’m just not attractive enough’. Others find it easier to make excuses and blame their failings on their past. Being a victim is easier than taking responsibility for our own life.

Many of us are control-freaks and want to go as far as controlling what we are physically unable to control, like other people’s opinions or reactions to us.

There are many thinking errors that we all indulge in but how do you even recognise you are making such errors in the first place?

When people suffer from depression & anxiety, thinking errors are very common as they are part of the illness. Cognitive behavioural coaching can be very useful for tackling these unhelpful thinking patterns. There are many models and exercises that can be very helpful in helping someone get ‘unstuck’ and the coach is trained to use these models in a conversational way with the person they are coaching.

In my own experience, I have found coaching very helpful in dealing with anxiety inducing situations. What is your experience? Have you had coaching before? Is it something you would ever consider?

Take a little look at the different links on this page and if you are curious in any way, then let me know.

I am offering free coaching sessions to the first 10 people that read this blog post and make themselves known.