What is traumatic aloneness?

Traumatic aloneness is something that I have experienced over and over again in my 41 years on this planet. It is a natural result of having grown up in a dysfunctional family where my parents didn’t meet my emotional needs.

”Psychodynamic theorist Gerald Adler attributed an early failure in nurturing to the experience of annihilation. He contended that the absence of a primary positive soothing caregiver creates an insatiable emptiness that impedes the development of a stable, healthy sense of self”. (quote source:https://www.avenuetherapies.com/blog/theres-lonely-theres-alone-and-then-theres-worse-traumatic-aloneness/

”Traumatic aloneness is a hole that was supposed to be filled when we were babies with the things we needed to feel loved and important. It is a hole that can now never be filled…To be healed it needs to be recognised, listened to and nurtured. Trauma therapy can go some way to repair it and ease the pain, but the hole although smaller, might always be there. However, we can learn to recognise it, soothe it, hold it and nurture it. We can learn to have connections and closeness with others”.

Watch my YouTube video to find out more:

Love Athina

6 Lies narcissistic parents tell their children

Narcissistic parents are incredibly destructive to a child’s emotional & mental wellbeing. The 6 lies I talk about in this video, are very common in most narcissistically abusive households.

If this is your background or if you suspect that your upbringing may have been dysfunctional, then this video is for you!

Love Athina

Why you are revictimized (after parental narcissistic abuse)

Revictimization is common when you have suffered childhood trauma. Childhood trauma, particularly narcissistic abuse primes individuals to be more vulnerable to further abuse.

If you find yourself constantly attracting toxic individuals, then this video is for you.

Love Athina

CPTSD-Living with feelings of shame

Shame can be both good and bad. It can protect us from hurting others by commiting shameless acts but it can also be incredibly destructive when we feel ashamed for our mere existence. Shame is something that our abusive caregivers pass onto us by shaming us for things that they shouldn’t have.

Watch my video for more.

Love Athina

Signs that you are gaslighting yourself

In this post, I wanted to mention the important topic of gaslighting.

If we have survived years of emotional abuse by a parent or a partner who has been gaslighting us, this then ends up becoming our own internal voice. This is known as gaslighting ourselves.

Watch the video to find out more!

Healthy mothering

Although most of my content focuses on what narcissism and dysfunction look like and I highlight how to avoid toxic individuals and protect yourself from them, in this post I want to talk about the importance of healthy mothering and what this actually looks like.

For those of us who didn’t have a healthy mother as a role model, having children of our own can be incredibly daunting, scary and overwhelming. We might be terrified of repeating dysfunctional patterns of behaviour and we want to make sure that our children are happy and healthy.

In this YouTube video, I talk about what a healthy loving mother looks like. Although I am not a mother myself, I have many friends who are mums and I can see what a wonderful job they are doing with their children. I have also extensively researched good mothering from a developmental and psychological viewpoint. I very much know what I wouldn’t do if I ever became a mother and that would be to not treat my child the way my mother treated me.

I experienced emotional neglect, emotional abuse, lack of attunement from my mother, emotional parentification and continuous invalidation of my emotions. I was born to ‘serve’ my mother’s needs and later to also look after my special needs brother.

If you are a mother then I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments section.

Much love,

Athina

Did your narcissistic parent call you selfish?

Narcissistic mothers, especially the covert type, are experts at projection and will habitually project their own negative emotions onto their children.

Selfishness is one of them.

Many adult children of narcissistic parents will have experienced this in some capacity or their parent may have simply called them something else, such as ‘spoilt’ or ‘too sensitive’.

What is your experience?

Repetition compulsion-A result of childhood trauma

What is repetition compulsion and why do we do it?

Is it something we have control over?

Repetition compulsion happens as a result of childhood trauma.

Watch the video to find out more

Love Athina

How does it feel when your narcissistic mother dies?

When this day finally arrives, the grief process is complicated and is full of contradicting emotions.

Losing a dysfunctional mother can be freeing but can also be devastating.

Watch the video to find out more

Covert narcissist mothers-Using illness as manipulation

Some covert narcissist mothers lie about their child’s health. They present a completely different story to reality, in order to garner sympathy from others. This is a very dangerous type of manipulation. It is also not fair on the child who is suffering because of this type of lying and abuse.

It is important for educators & medical personnel to keep an eye out for this type of mother. If a mother comes across as extremely pushy in a school because she wants her child to be diagnosed with a learning disability, then teachers must tread carefully. This is even more important when a mother is telling doctors her child is sick or mentally ill in any way .

If you have had experience with this, then please reach out and share you story. If you need support, then please reach out to a mental health professional.