Dysfuntional relationships

Grieving a parent who is still alive

When a parent is emotionally immature, abusive, or neglectful, it can be incredibly painful and confusing for the adult child. These patterns often make it difficult—sometimes even impossible—to maintain a healthy or meaningful relationship with that parent. The adult child may find themselves caught between loyalty and self-preservation, longing for love or validation while also needing to protect their emotional wellbeing.

Over time, repeated invalidation, manipulation, or emotional absence can erode trust, leaving the adult child to grieve the parent they never truly had—not because the parent is gone, but because the relationship cannot meet the basic needs of safety, respect, or mutual care.

Setting boundaries or choosing distance in these cases is not a sign of failure or selfishness—it’s often an act of deep inner strength, rooted in a desire to heal, grow, and break cycles of emotional harm.

If you relate to the above, then my newest video below might be just the right thing for you!

Love Athina

How do you tell a friend about your childhood trauma?

Talking about childhood trauma can feel overwhelming, especially when opening up to a friend for the first time. How do we explore sharing our story in a way that feels safe and empowering, while also setting boundaries and managing expectations? How do we prepare ourselves for possibly being let down and invalidated by the person we tell?

Talking about something so difficult will never come easy to us, because safety was compromised in our childhood. Sharing the full range of our emotions, wasn’t acceptable and we may have been punished or invalidated a lot. That is why this feels scary and trust doesn’t come easy to us.

The first step to consider, could be to assess our friendship so far with the person we want to tell. Test the waters, so to speak.

Do we feel safe in their presence and can we truly be ourselves with this person?

Does this person listen to us empathetically?

Will we feel relieved by telling a (safe) friend about our trauma?

What will we do if they don’t respond in a validating way? Have there been any instances in the past where they may have invalidated us?

These are all good questions we can ask ourselves.

A safe person or ‘friend’ is one that listens and validates our experience, by saying something like ‘I am sorry to hear you went through that’.

In the above video, I talk about this tricky topic in a little more detail, so please watch it or share it if you think it will help someone.

Love Athina

The difference between a toxic person and a narcissist

The word narcissist is unfortunately thrown around a little too much nowadays, so it’s important to explore the key differences between narcissistic individuals and toxic individuals.

All narcissists are toxic but not all toxic people are narcissistic. Just because someone has a toxic behaviour, it doesn’t mean that they have a personality disorder. Let’s not forget that someone who is a narcissist, has NPD, which means they meet the criteria as listed in the DSM. Also, seeing someone as toxic is a subjective experience. Something that you may consider toxic, someone else may not have a problem with.

Check out the latest video above for more detailed information.

Love Athina

Do you self-silence?

Self-silencing is much more common that people think.

Feeling too afraid to express your true thoughts, desires, and emotions often stems from childhood experiences in environments where self-expression didn’t feel safe. This behavior is frequently shaped by generational patterns passed down unconsciously, where parents, influenced by their own upbringing and unresolved trauma, lacked the tools to create a space for open and secure communication.

If you recognize that you have a tendency to self-silence, it’s essential to take proactive steps toward building healthier habits and learning to express yourself more openly and authentically.

Watch my video below, to gain more clarity on self-silencing.

Love Athina

Coping with a Narcissistic Mother-in-Law

Navigating the relationship with a mother-in-law can be challenging under normal circumstances, but when she exhibits narcissistic traits, it can feel like walking a tightrope. A narcissistic mother-in-law often demands to be the center of attention, thrives on control, and struggles to respect boundaries. She may use manipulation, guilt, or passive-aggressive comments to maintain her perceived dominance in the family dynamic.

Dealing with a narcissistic mother-in-law requires patience, clear boundaries, and a strong sense of self. While it can be tempting to appease her or avoid conflict altogether, addressing the behavior with kindness and firmness is key to maintaining a healthy relationship—not just with her, but also with your spouse. If of course the relationship becomes unbearable, then it is time to discuss things with your partner about how to set boundaries and make things more comfortable in the long run.

For a more detailed account of the 14 signs of a narcissistic mother in-law, please watch my new YouTube video below! Please like, share and subscribe if you appreciate my content!

Love Athina

Creating safety – Living with CPTSD

When you grew up in a home with dysfunction, chaos and unpredictable emotional outbursts, your mind and body is constantly thrown into a state of emotional dysregulation. Home didn’t feel safe, so you also didn’t feel safe. When unpredictable and unfair demands were placed on you as a child, this will have caused long term problems with hyper vigilance, low self-worth, shame, anxiety and depression. CPTSD will be the end result of growing up with emotionally immature and/or toxic parents.

As an adult, you will struggle with certain very basic every day things. Normal changes that are very much a part of life, may feel huge for someone with CPTSD. A sudden change in plans, a packed train, an illness or a delayed flight can all create immense anxiety in someone with a history of trauma.

When you live with CPTSD, over-preparing and knowing the details of things in advance, can ease your anxiety and help you feel more comfortable.

Creating safety as much as possible, helps trauma survivors feel better.

Creating regular routines and predictable outcomes can also be very helpful.

It is of course impossible to control everything in your environment, but being prepared can very much help.

When things don’t go as planned, having a back-up plan can create a safety net. Having certain objects with you that provide comfort, can also be extremely helpful.

What is your experience with this? I would love to know in the comments below!

Love Athina

The grief of not having a healthy family

When we grow up with dysfunctional parents, we have no comparison to what is supposed to be healthy. We just know what we know and we take these experiences with us into adulthood. We are moulded by these experiences and we carry the trauma with us when we try to function in relationships with others.

There may have been instances when we were teenagers, where we spent time in our friends’ family homes and we caught a glimpse of what ‘healthy’ looked like. Maybe there was a level of calmness that we didn’t see in our own family. Maybe there was mutual respect, support and validation of our friends’ emotions. Maybe our friends’ parents asked us lots of questions and showed genuine interest in us when our own parents never did. Maybe we felt ‘safe’ in our friends’ family home. Maybe this helped us survive our own childhood or maybe we genuinely never had this experience and were completely alone in our suffering.

Whatever your experience, know that you are not alone anymore. There are so many resources online to help you put the pieces of the puzzle together and help you understand why you may struggle so much in your current relationships. It is not your fault you are struggling and repeating the same dysfunctional patterns of behaviour you witnessed growing up.

Change can only happen when you commit to figuring out what needs to shift and what steps you need to take to heal and recover from your dysfunctional upbringing.

The video below, may help with this journey!

Much love, Athina

Why you mustn’t apologise to a narcissist

In narcissistic relationships, the narcissist is an expert at shifting the blame onto others. For this reason alone, you shouldn’t apologise to a narcissist.

In most cases, you are usually not at fault. They’ve been shifting the blame onto you, and they want to make you believe that YOU are doing what THEY’RE doing.

By apologising to them for something you DIDN’T DO, you’re giving into their delusion, and giving them more power to falsely accuse you.

Watch the video to find out more.

Love Athina

Weaponised incompetence

Weaponized incompetence is a form of passive-aggressive behavior where an individual deliberately performs tasks poorly or pretends to be incapable of completing certain tasks. This manipulation tactic is often used to avoid responsibility, forcing others to take over. It doesn’t always come from a bad place because it can stem from a lack of confidence or self-esteem. They may genuinely believe that they’re unable to perform a certain action or task.

When it comes to narcissists however, the intent is much more malicious. It is much more calculated and intentional.

Feel free to watch my YouTube video below to find out more about it.

For one to one coaching, please email me at courageisallyouneed@gmail.com

Love Athina

Self Sabotage-A result of childhood narcissistic abuse

Self-sabotage isn’t something we are necessarily aware of yet it can create havoc in our lives and it can stop us from reaching our full potential.

When we have grown up in an environment where there was constant chaos and drama and where our parents shamed us and criticised the majority of the time, it will feel more familiar to us to continue this dynamic in adulthood. We may lead equally chaotic lives with dysfunctional relationships and poor choices.

If we were constantly given the message that we weren’t smart enough, strong enough, attractive enough and in more general terms good enough, then this becomes our internalised voice and it pops up every time we try and take a step forward in our careers, relationships and day to day life.

Even if this internalised voice is negative and not true, it has been our mind’s companion for as far back as we remember. We took on this identity and it is harder to change it when it is all we have known.

If you can relate to this topic, then please watch the video to find out more.

I offer one to one coaching to those of you who struggle with this, so please feel free to get in touch by emailing me at: courageisallyouneed@gmail.com

Love Athina