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Narcissists can give you fleas
What does it mean when narcissists give you the fleas?
Fleas comes from the adage “He that lieth down with dogs shall rise up with fleas”, which has been attributed to Benjamin Franklin. According to Wikipedia, the quote has an almost universally agreed meaning of “You should be cautious of the company you keep. Associating with those of low reputation may not only lower your own but also lead you astray by the faulty assumptions, premises and data of the unscrupulous”
When a victim has the fleas, it means that they have picked up behaviours of the narcissist. This is mainly because they have been exposed to the narcissist’s behaviours for a prolonged period of time and have ended up feeling helpless and hopeless.
The victim will look for ways to escape and sometimes will resort to behaviours which are not characteristic but serve as a way to demonstrate their anger and alleviate the powerlessness they have been feeling.
The good thing is, that victims that use narcissistic behaviours against their abusers, quickly back down and feel ashamed and remorseful. This shows that they don’t need to be afraid of turning into a narcissist themselves.
Some examples of getting fleas can be when a victim shows passive aggressive behaviours when feeling cornered or triggered by someone close to them.
They could also at times become aggressive towards a narcissistic partner or parent.
Lastly, they may even shout at their parent or partner and even end up calling them names.
These are just maladaptive behaviours that can be changed by being self-reflective and by asking a therapist for support. Victims of narcissistic abuse live with C-PTSD so they will not always be able to cope in a healthy way. They just need the right guidance to makes changes by turning unhealthy coping mechanisms into healthy ones.
Thanks for reading!
Love Athina ♥
© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.
10000 Subscribers on Youtube!
I just wanted to write a quick post today about how grateful I am to have reached 10,000 subscribers on my youtube channel.This is a milestone I never thought I would ever reach! My videos are most definitely not perfect or perfectly edited, yet the information I have been trying to get across is being reached!I am so glad the content I have been uploading has been helping so many people all over the world! Narcissistic/Sociopathic abuse is an epidemic and spreading awareness has been so important to me! This sort of abuse has been happening for far longer than any of us could imagine yet it has only been talked about in detail, in more recent years.
My video ‘Rules children follow in a narcissistic home’ has had over 670,000 views and has been my most validating video for so many children and adult children of narcissists! I still can’t quite believe how many people have been able to relate to the content on my channel!
Thank you all so so much!
Lots of love
Athina ♥
Things not to say to those with a mental illness
Loving someone with PTSD
Ever since I made my youtube video ‘How does PTSD affect intimate relationships’, I have had so many of you contact me with questions about how to cope and support your partners. The reality is that it takes a very strong person to love someone who lives with PTSD, as they also live with it indirectly.
Loving someone with PTSD can easily takes its’ toll on the relationship and on the partner doing all the supporting. It can affect intimacy, communication & the expression of emotion.
The person with PTSD may not be able to work full time or may not be able to work at all.
It is of course very different for each individual relationship, as the severity of the PTSD is unique to each individual.
The most important thing to remember is that both partners have to practice self-care..
The one doing the supporting can also end up suffering from depressive episodes or anxiety..They may also generally feel mentally exhausted..
Breaks are very important and the partner of someone with PTSD, may at times need to take a mental holiday away from their partner..This is completely OK and almost necessary for the survival of the relationship.
Thanks so much for reading and please share this post if you think it may help someone!
Love Athina ♥♥
© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.
Narcissistic abuse red flags
If you have noticed the following red flags in a person close to you, then you need to take precautions. Below is a check list which you need to pay close attention to. The more of these you can relate to, the quicker you need to remove yourself from a relationship with such a disordered person.
Narcissists are everywhere and can be both male or female. They can be partners, family members, friends, teachers, managers, therapists, coaches, spiritual advisors, neighbours and any person in a position of power.
PATTERNS TO WATCH OUT FOR
- You have a feeling something is wrong or feels off
- Constant lying or exaggerating
- No regards for rules or laws
- Overly concerned with public image
- Has too many chaotic relationships in their past
- Never apologises
- Makes excuses often
- Poor financial management
- No accountability
- Destroyed relationships
- No real friendships
- Demands trust
- Projects their feelings onto you
- You feel uncomfortable or in danger
- Aggressive/Passive Aggressive
- Has double standards
- Cheats in relationships
- Blames others constantly
- Controlling
- Isolating
- Two faced and hyper critical
- Backstabber
- Acts differently in private and in public
- Drug or alcohol addict
- Distorts facts to suit their needs
- Plays the victim often
- Insults, teases, smirks
- Provokes and then blames
- Creates circular conversations
- Is shaming
- Is condescending
- Twists your words in arguments
- Your feelings aren’t validated
- They can have different personas around different people
- They guilt-trip you
- They thrive on drama
- The thrive on causing you pain
- They know how to push your buttons
- They have to always be right
- They can’t laugh at themselves
- They belittle your accomplishments
- They compete with you
- They often gaslight you
- They give you the silent treatment
- They turn others against you including family
- They alienate children from the other parent
- They withhold attention or affection as a manipulation tactic
- They give you inconsistent details of their past
- They are ruled by money and want yours
- They get bored easily
- They are status orientated
- They are self-centred and entitled
- They have a big ego
- They groom their victims
- They badmouth their exes yet return to them to make you jealous
- When meeting a potential partner they love bomb them.
- They remember things you did years ago and bring them up in arguments
- They rewrite history to suit them
- Can pretend to be hyper-emotional so they can manipulate others
- They might constantly correct you – nothing you do is ever right
If you think you are indeed dealing with a narcissist and need support, then please feel free to contact me. Detaching from or dealing with a narcissist is not an easy task, especially if they are a partner or family member.
If you feel you are in danger, then please contact your nearest Refuge or move to a location the narcissist doesn’t know about. Record all conversations if you can (stick to texts or emails) so nothing can be used against you.
Most of all, look after yourself. Self-care is extremely important!
Love Athina ♥♥♥
© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.
Rules a partner has to follow in a relationship with a narcissist
It is important to see these rules, as if the narcissist was saying them directly to their partner. This will enable the victim (soon to be survivor) to relate in a more intense way and to get help to leave the narcissist.
Love Athina ♥
The sad truth about why narcissists form relationships
Those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder sadly lack empathy and don’t feel remorse. They are cold, calculating, manipulative and emotionally shallow.
Narcissists don’t form relationships with others like healthy people do. They don’t seek out partners to love and share their life with in an equal, loving and respectful way. They see people as objects that they use to satisfy their needs.
These needs are usually attention, an ego stroke, improved social status, shelter, money, sex or a combination of these. These needs sadly do not include love.
Narcissists attach themselves to their victims and slowly bleed them dry, either financially or emotionally or both. They are known as being “parasitic” in nature, as they literally leech off their victims to get their needs met.
When Narcissists first meet their victims, they trick them into believing that they are their soul mate. They present themselves as the perfect potential partner and they create an intensely emotional experience for the victim. They will pretend to be supportive, loving, romantic etc. so their victim falls for them fast. Once they have lured their victim in successfully, the mask slips and their true colours start to show.
By this stage, the victim has already invested himself/herself completely in the relationship. The victim hopes that the narcissist will return to being the loving and kind person that they were at the beginning of the relationship. This exact thought is what makes them stay in the relationship despite any abuse they may be experiencing.
It’s really hard to believe, and it’s even harder to accept, but narcissists are not able to love anyone in a healthy way or create healthy bonds.
Narcissists also thrive on the emotional pain they cause their victims, especially when they hurt them on purpose. They feel important when they abandon their victim suddenly and see how much suffering they cause. The more suffering they see in their victim, the more important they feel.
Narcissists cause their victims extreme psychological damage and they are left feeling depressed and traumatised. Recovery is a slow process for survivors of narcissistic abuse but luckily it is possible to recover and find healthy love in the future.
Thanks for reading!
If you think this post will help others, then please share it!
Love Athina ♥♥♥
© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.
Working with children who have been abused
Working with children is something that I have very much enjoyed doing on and off for 9 years.
After graduating from University 14 years ago, I spent part of my time running my jewellery business and the other part of my time was spent working as a nanny with children aged 3-11 years of age.
Being a part-time nanny, allowed me to have enough time to work on my jewellery whilst also earning a little extra money to keep things stable financially.
At present, I find myself in slightly different circumstances.
Although I will not be pursuing anymore nanny jobs, I am considering coaching a young teenager in the next few days.
In a few hours, I am meeting her and her mum for an initial consultation, to see if she would feel comfortable enough opening up to me.
Here in the UK, when you work with vulnerable individuals, such as children, special needs adults or the elderly, you need to make sure you get a DBS done.
The Disclosure and Barring Service (DBS), is able to provide information about an individual as to whether or not he or she has a criminal conviction or has been charged with a criminal conviction which has expired. This provides the employer, which in my case is the mother of this girl, with peace of mind.
I haven’t actually applied for this yet as I will ask the mother how she feels about this.
Although I have never had a conviction in my life, it is still important to do things properly.
Coaching a young girl, who has just been through an abusive situation at home with her stepmom, is vulnerable territory.
Things have to be dealt with very carefully and I will have to refer her to a psychotherapist, if I see that her symptoms are serious. As a coach, I can only guide her with compassion and validation of her feelings but I can’t offer much more. Her mother has said that her daughter hasn’t found any of the counsellors at school helpful and that child services are happy that she will be talking to me, due to my background and focus of my business.
If I can help this young girl, I will be extremely grateful.
When I was that age, I had no idea that I was actually suffering from abuse. I thought my life was normal, even though I had no confidence and felt empty and unloved.
All children deserve a chance to be supported and have their feelings acknowledged. All children deserve to feel safe, loved and to feel happy.
Thanks for reading
Love Athina ♥
© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.
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