Category: Uncategorized

The healing journey of Chiron

Very insightful post! Love this quote! Thank you for sharing Deborah.

”On some level we are being asked to die to old ways of being and it may be a tough call. The losing of that habit or thing will have a cost but it will also have a benefit which we can often not see when we are captured by the pain of loss and it may far outweigh the cost of loosing it in the long run”.

emergingfromthedarknight's avatarEmerging From The Dark Night

Chiron

Its part of being human, being part of the natural cycle of things, that all things change and end.  There can be times when we hold onto old ways of being, old habits, old patterns of thought and even old defences that are not really helping us any more.  At one time they may have kept us safe or helped us to cope but as we change and grow we begin to see how old patterns can repeat over and over leading us in circles which do now allow any forward growth.

This is not to imply that the trajectory of growth occurs only in a straight line.  Often we have to cycle and recycle through and around old experiences, re-experiencing the original imprint or wound in a common way, we may have to do this many times, until we spiral up to a new level of consciousness and see the reality of what we have…

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The importance of persistence

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When some of us decide to take on a new goal, we tend to put in a lot of effort at the beginning and then as time progresses we don’t sustain the same effort to reach it. This is sometimes the case when people have New Year resolutions. An initial goal is set at the beginning when motivation is high but when the going gets tough, the less effort is put in. We tend to start procastinating and the more we put something off, the worse it gets.This then results in our failing to reach our goal.

Wanting to make a change, especially when it comes to bad habits, requires commitment, effort and persistence. To really make a change we have to commit to something 7 days a week! This might seem extreme but it really isn’t. Thomas Edison famously remarked that ‘genius is 1% inspiration, 99% perspiration.

Most of us wish there could be a ‘quick fix’ for most things in life but this really isn’t possible when we want to make lasting change. It’s an in-built human urge to free ourselves from painful patterns of behaviour and seek peace, happiness and contentment immediately. When an individual has deep-rooted beliefs and unconscious patterns that have kept them stuck in unhappiness most of their life, this is something that requires persistence to change.It means that an individual would have to keep persevering through the ups and downs, through the disappointments and sometimes inevitable frustration.It means that the same goal might have to be looked at from different angles until a breakthrough happens.

Do you find yourself setting a goal and then getting overwhelmed too quickly?Do you find that the minute you hit a difficulty, you give up straight away? Do you have a low tolerance for frustration?

I would love to hear some of your experiences ♥

© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.

Facebook page

Dear friends,

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I have added a facebook community page recently, which I am hoping to also use as a platform to talk about issues regarding self-improvement, practicing self-compassion, dealing with dysfunctional/toxic people and how to stop people pleasing!

If you are on facebook, then I would greatly appreciate if you stop by and say hi! 🙂

Love ♥ Athina

Thank you for the follows and support!♥

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Sending you all warm wishes for a peaceful and hopeful day. I really appreciate your support of this new page and if there are any topics you would like me to talk about, then let me know in the comments below.

♥ Athina

© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.

Fear of negative emotions & being a People pleaser

If you are afraid of experiencing other peoples’ negative responses or emotions, then you will do everything you can to avoid this.This fear will make it hard for you to say NO to someone and you end up doing things you really don’t want to do.You feel compelled to always do as they say and become completely submissive to their needs. This is the core of being a people pleaser.

These fears usually stem from childhood abuse, where you had an overbearing, manipulative parent or parents. If your parents would punish you severely if you didn’t do what they wanted, then you will have been conditioned to be obedient at all times.

Some really important characteristics of being a people pleaser is when you have low self-esteem, are addicted to others’ approval and are always dependent on them for your self-worth and validation. This happens especially when you might have had a narcissistic/psychopathic parent that criticised you negatively all the time and made you feel excessively guilty and shameful when you didn’t do as they said. With extremely self-centered parents, everything is always about their needs and your needs take a back seat. Every time you want to take a step forward and be more independent in your thinking & behaviour, they will always find a way to pull you back and make you feel dependent on them and their way of thinking.(codependent).It is a very strong type of conditioning that happens in abusive homes and as a young child you aren’t able to escape this environment.

Something that is very common when you are people pleaser is always rationalising peoples’ abusive behaviour to the point of always forgiving it. You always make excuses for others’ bad behaviour and say things like ‘Yes my father beat me but at least he provided a roof over my head’ or ‘I know my mother is very manipulative but deep down she has a good heart’.This has a lot to do with ‘toxic bonding’ or stockholm syndrome’, where you are extremely attached to your abuser in a very emotionally damaging way. You aren’t able to accept the reality of how bad something actually is, because it is extremely painful.

Another couple of traits that make someone a people pleaser and also make them more susceptible to emotional abuse is the fact that they may be emotionally immature and have very weak boundaries. They don’t know what is theirs and what is others’. If they grew up in a home with a parent that would constantly go through their things as a teenager, always invade their space whilst at the same time parentifying them and giving them things to do that weren’t their responsibiliy, this has a detrimental effect on how they view others and how they view themselves. They grow up thinking that it is ok for someone to use them, to take advantage of their lack of assertiveness and self-respect.

A very important part of dealing with manipulative or pushy people is developing self- assertiveness. This is something very useful for people that are constantly submissive to others in an unhealthy way. Assertiveness can be taught and this is something I offer in Coaching.

If you think you might need assertiveness training, then please let me know.

Best Wishes

Athina

Unhelpful thinking styles/Cognitive distortions

This link below gives you a useful list of all the unhelpful thinking styles that we might use in our daily lives.For those of you who suffer from depression or anxiety, keeping an eye on your thinking style is really important. Try and challenge those negative thoughts by replacing them with more positive or helpful alternative thoughts. With practice, this should help you feel better.

http://media.psychology.tools/worksheets/english_us/unhelpful_thinking_styles_en-us.pdf

Love Athina ♥