Some covert narcissist mothers lie about their child’s health. They present a completely different story to reality, in order to garner sympathy from others. This is a very dangerous type of manipulation. It is also not fair on the child who is suffering because of this type of lying and abuse.
It is important for educators & medical personnel to keep an eye out for this type of mother. If a mother comes across as extremely pushy in a school because she wants her child to be diagnosed with a learning disability, then teachers must tread carefully. This is even more important when a mother is telling doctors her child is sick or mentally ill in any way .
If you have had experience with this, then please reach out and share you story. If you need support, then please reach out to a mental health professional.
Narcissistic mother & son enmeshment is real and is something that affects many adult sons of narcissistic mothers.
If you feel that your mother is overly controlling towards you, doesn’t allow you to form relationships & is envious of your partner, then you must watch this video to educate yourself on this destructive dynamic.
If you have any questions at all or need support talking about your experience with a mother like this, then please get in touch by emailing me at courageisallyouneed@gmail.com
Emotional abandonment is a huge part of growing up with emotionally unavailable parents. Parents who in many cases have NPD but also parents who are alcoholics or addicts or just too immature to have brought a child into this world.
Is this a topic you can relate to?
Did you feel emotionally abandoned and still suffer with people-pleasing tendencies, perfectionism or avoidant tendencies?
Feel free to share your experience in the comments below.
Narcissists are notorious for wanting to always be in control of every situation, especially in close relationships. Sadly, this is happening more often than not, especially behind closed doors.
Many viewers have resonated with the content of this video sadly.
If you resonate with the content too, please feel free to leave a comment and share your experience.
It is important to know the steps of what to expect after realising your parents are abusive. It is crucial to finally understand why and how you were & are affected by narcissistic abuse. Giving what you have been through a name, is the beginning of your healing journey. It allows for validation of your feelings and to finally KNOW that it wasn’t your fault – It was your parents fault!
To actually work through the emotions, the acceptance of not having had healthy parents and the grief that goes with it, is a whole different challenge however. To reach a better state of mental health, you have to dig deep and allow a lot of painful feelings to come to the surface. Only after working through these painful emotions, will you then have the opportunity to look at your life through a different lens. To look at yourself with more self-compassion & understanding and to learn to set boundaries, takes practice and you need an experienced therapist on your side.
A psychological coach, which is what I have trained as, can support you in changing self-defeating thoughts or behaviours and can support you in the present to move forward with goal setting. A coach is not qualified to guide you through your grieving or acceptance in depth. That is a therapist’s job.
I have had a lot of teenagers watch my youtube videos and I am very much aware that I have to post videos carefully and support these children appropriately.
With empathy & unconditional positive regard, a child can feel a little bit better.
I know that if I had had this support as a child, it probably would have made a world of difference to my mental health.
This is the main reason I am passionate about supporting young people. They need someone to have their back with no strings attached. With narcissistic parents/step-parents, there are always strings attached. There is always some nasty remark waiting to be used against their child/step-child.
Children deserve unconditional love, acceptance, validation of their feelings and a safe environment to call home. This has to become a priority in our society.
In healthy parenting, the following things are needed to bring up a healthy & emotionally stable child.
Love and affection. “You support and accept the child, are physically affectionate, and spend quality one-on-one time together.”
Stress Management. “You take steps to reduce stress for yourself and your child, practice relaxation techniques, and promote positive interpretations of events.”
Relationship skills. “You maintain a healthy relationship with your spouse, significant other, or co-parent and model effective relationship skills with others.”
Autonomy and Independence. “You treat your child with respect and encourage him or her to become self-sufficient and self-reliant.”
Education and learning. “You promote and model learning and provide educational opportunities for your child.”
Life skills. “You provide for your child, have a steady income, and plan for the future.”
Behavior management. “You make extensive use of positive reinforcement and punish only when other methods of managing behavior have failed.”
Health. “You model a healthy lifestyle and good habits, such as regular exercise and proper nutrition.
Religion. “You support spiritual or religious development and participate in spiritual or religious activities.”
Safety. “You take precautions to protect your child and maintain awareness of the child’s activities and friends.
Narcissistic parents on the other hand do the following:
Their needs have priority over those of the children.
They view their children as an extension of their own personal wishes, so the child’s individuality is diminished. They don’t nurture their childrens’ own thoughts, emotions or goals.
Their ego needs are unquenchable.
Due to their own low self-worth they put their childrens’ accomplishments down, so they can always remain on top (as smarter, more capable etc)
They are completely unaware of the grief or discomfort their children are experiencing and are not aware of when they have been neglectful or abusive towards their children.
They do not feel empathy, and they will only pay interest in the child if the child is achieving or giving them an ego boost.
Shame is at the core of a narcissistically run family, so they will shame, ridicule, tease or criticise their children often. They will also use guilt-tripping, blaming, negative comparisons, emotional blackmail and so much more!
They create codependent children and expect them to always look after them and cater to their needs & wants.
The parents are possessed by their narcissistic ego, and nothing the child ever does will be good enough. The child tries and tries, but never quite manages to receive their narcissistic parents’ love and affection.
When the child gives the narcissistic parent(s) enough of an ego boost and meets their ego needs, the narcissistic parent(s) will reward their child with approval. This approval, however, is not genuine love.
Children of narcissists grow up feeling unloved, ashamed, unlovable and inferior.
Children of narcissists grow up thinking that there is something seriously wrong with them, (because their parent wasn’t able to love them in a healthy way).
Children learn that the focus isn’t on them (as it should be) but on their narcissistic parent(s). They learn to painfully accept this although don’t know that this isn’t normal.
Children learn to do whatever their narcissistic parents want, in hope that their needs for love, comfort and approval are one day met. This approval seeking behaviour follows them into adulthood where they continue to people please to gain approval.
If you found this blog post helpful, please feel free to comment, share or like!
It’s been an extremely busy few days for me recently, which means my blog posts and youtube videos have had to take a back seat.
Work has been a priority, with little time for writing and reflecting.
I have also had an influx of emails from people needing immediate support dealing with narcissistic individuals. It always deeply saddens me to hear all the grief so many are currently experiencing and sometimes I wish I could just take all their pain away.
The ‘No contact’ question has been popping up a lot, so in this video I stress the importance of acceptance. Acceptance in this case, of the fact that a narcissist isn’t able to love or empathize and isn’t going to change and treat you better.
Once you manage to reach a place of acceptance through grief and talking with a professional, it is then easier to make the decision to go ‘no contact’.
couragecoaching.net 