In narcissistic relationships, the narcissist is an expert at shifting the blame onto others. For this reason alone, you shouldn’t apologise to a narcissist.
In most cases, you are usually not at fault. They’ve been shifting the blame onto you, and they want to make you believe that YOU are doing what THEY’RE doing.
By apologising to them for something you DIDN’T DO, you’re giving into their delusion, and giving them more power to falsely accuse you.
Have you heard of echoism? Echoism isn’t commonly talked about but is very real and a lot of individuals who have suffered narcissistic abuse in childhood actually live with it.
Echoism is very common with individuals who live with Avoidant Personality Disorder or who have many avoidant traits. Echoists find it extremely uncomfortable being the centre of attention.
Growing up in abuse means that you may have carried feelings of shame for the way you witnessed your parents acting or treating others.
Growing up in a dysfunctional family may mean that you witnessed your parents use, manipulate and control other people, just to get certain needs met. The people that these things were done to, were people that you genuinely liked and couldn’t believe had been treated in such a selfish and immoral way.
Growing up in a dysfunctional family, where one or both your parents had NPD, you will most likely have witnessed aggressive behaviour, socially inappropriate behaviour, victim playing, scapegoating, lying, manipulation and so much more. There will have been many times, where you felt ashamed that you were the son or daughter of such a parent. You would have literally felt like you were ‘bad’ or ‘toxic’ just by association. You would have felt like you had to constantly apologise for your parents’ awful behaviour. This was never your fault or ‘burden’ to carry however.
When dysfunction like this had always been your ‘normal’, you may have found yourself over-compensating somehow in adulthood. You may have noticed how much you are always trying to be kind, selfless and helpful to others. You may have noticed how much you people-please because you don’t want to be thought of as ‘bad’.
Your inner child took on your parents’ shame and this shame wasn’t yours to carry.
Your inner child may still need healing in regards to the abuse it witnessed and experienced.
Self-awareness is so important when trying to heal the trauma you experienced as a child.
You may not have awareness of certain behaviours you carry or even certain behaviours you still repeat because of what you were taught in your childhood.
To start healing, it is crucial to observe your emotions and pay attention to the intensity of your reactions in your body. What things trigger you and why? Why do some things upset you a lot? Why do you have low confidence in some areas but not in others? What things happened in your childhood that may remind you of the present?
Childhood trauma caused from abuse creates a lot of shame and emotional dysregulation.
If you want to start healing or figure out where things may be going wrong in your life, book an introductory call with me by emailing me at courageisallyouneed@gmail.com
Narcissistic parents are incredibly destructive to a child’s emotional & mental wellbeing. The 6 lies I talk about in this video, are very common in most narcissistically abusive households.
If this is your background or if you suspect that your upbringing may have been dysfunctional, then this video is for you!
Revictimization is common when you have suffered childhood trauma. Childhood trauma, particularly narcissistic abuse primes individuals to be more vulnerable to further abuse.
If you find yourself constantly attracting toxic individuals, then this video is for you.
Shame can be both good and bad. It can protect us from hurting others by commiting shameless acts but it can also be incredibly destructive when we feel ashamed for our mere existence. Shame is something that our abusive caregivers pass onto us by shaming us for things that they shouldn’t have.
Passive aggressiveness is very common in dysfunctional relationships and families where covert narcissists are in control. This is my most recent video.
Have you experienced passive aggressive behaviour?
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