Narcissistic abuse

The only way to face your trauma is to work through it

Facing your trauma in the initial stages of awareness, may feel incredibly uncomfortable and daunting. Even admitting to yourself that you suffered abuse or trauma in your childhood, can feel very scary and soul crushing at first.

If you do reach that point however, please know that you are doing the right thing no matter how uncomfortable.

The only way to heal emotional pain is by acknowledging it, feeling it and grieving it.

There may be people out there that make big promises of how to heal quickly and offer quick fixes for alleviating your suffering, but please know that these quick fixes never work. They may provide temporary relief but they don’t holistically address the deeper parts of your psyche that need nurturing.

I am telling you this because I have been there myself. I have tried short term treatments and they don’t work in the long run. My healing journey from childhood trauma started at the tender age of 16 and I am now 41. I am still working on my healing and will continue to do so.

To change dysfunctional behaviours such as people-pleasing, avoidance, dissociation, toxic shame and inner critic attacks we must put in consistent effort daily for months, even years.

Dysfunctional behaviours that we learnt in our childhood to survive the abuse, need a long time to ‘undo’!

The only way to improve your emotional wellbeing is by peeling away each painful layer gently, acknowledging it and pouring self-compassion and love into it.

What are your thoughts?

Love Athina

Carrying your parents’ shame

Growing up in abuse means that you may have carried feelings of shame for the way you witnessed your parents acting or treating others.

Growing up in a dysfunctional family may mean that you witnessed your parents use, manipulate and control other people, just to get certain needs met. The people that these things were done to, were people that you genuinely liked and couldn’t believe had been treated in such a selfish and immoral way.

Growing up in a dysfunctional family, where one or both your parents had NPD, you will most likely have witnessed aggressive behaviour, socially inappropriate behaviour, victim playing, scapegoating, lying, manipulation and so much more. There will have been many times, where you felt ashamed that you were the son or daughter of such a parent. You would have literally felt like you were ‘bad’ or ‘toxic’ just by association. You would have felt like you had to constantly apologise for your parents’ awful behaviour. This was never your fault or ‘burden’ to carry however.

When dysfunction like this had always been your ‘normal’, you may have found yourself over-compensating somehow in adulthood. You may have noticed how much you are always trying to be kind, selfless and helpful to others. You may have noticed how much you people-please because you don’t want to be thought of as ‘bad’.

Your inner child took on your parents’ shame and this shame wasn’t yours to carry.

Your inner child may still need healing in regards to the abuse it witnessed and experienced.

Self-awareness is so important when trying to heal the trauma you experienced as a child.

You may not have awareness of certain behaviours you carry or even certain behaviours you still repeat because of what you were taught in your childhood.

To start healing, it is crucial to observe your emotions and pay attention to the intensity of your reactions in your body. What things trigger you and why? Why do some things upset you a lot? Why do you have low confidence in some areas but not in others? What things happened in your childhood that may remind you of the present?

Childhood trauma caused from abuse creates a lot of shame and emotional dysregulation.

If you want to start healing or figure out where things may be going wrong in your life, book an introductory call with me by emailing me at courageisallyouneed@gmail.com

Love Athina

How covert narcissistic mothers create shame

In this video, I discuss how narcissistic mothers and particularly covert narcissistic mothers create shame in their children.

Sadly these feelings of shame, follow these children into adulthood and contribute to the trauma these individuals live with.

Watch the video to find out more.

Love Athina

https://youtube.com/watch?v=j4h7Vcpcb_I%3Fsi%3DuK-PQWTllFVw5uDL

Do narcissists have a moral compass?

In this video, I talk about narcissists and whether they have a moral compass.

In some cases, people may argue that narcissists can actually feel guilt when they have done something wrong and they can also feel ashamed.

It is important to take into account that somebody with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) also has a unique character, history of trauma and a certain outlook on life. All these must be taken into account when considering whether they have a moral compass.

In my experience, I would say narcissists definitely choose to ignore the things that they have done wrong to others but are quick to inflict the moral high ground on others, if they don’t agree with what these others have done.

Watch the video to find out more on this topic!

Love Athina

https://youtube.com/watch?v=EQFnweHx-j4%3Fsi%3DEzowtWXjMaGx4MZ7

You are the light that refused to surrender

‘You are the light that refused to surrender’ is a wonderful way to look at your healing journey after experiencing trauma.

If you, like me, have a history of trauma, you will be very familiar with the ups and downs of living with CPTSD. For me personally, having hope in my lowest moments, was the 1 thing that kept me going when things truly felt hopeless.

Having hope means that you allow yourself to believe that the day WILL come where you WILL feel better, where things will feel less scary, less isolating and less depressing.

It’s important to never stop hoping when things get tough and to allow yourself to embrace that feeling wholeheartedly.

Practicing gratitude is also extremely important for improving mental health. Be grateful for any tiny steps of progress you make, even if you managed to do 1 additional thing today that you didn’t manage to do the day before.

Living with mental illness is never easy but it can be manageable. Living with mental illness means that you might have to constantly make adjustments to the way you live your life, in order to feel better. These adjustments may look like the following: Changing your diet, adding more exercise to your daily routine, cutting out sugar, moving to the countryside, ending a relationship, leaving a stressful job, practicing meditation, seeking out support from a specialised therapist, going on a retreat, taking supplements and/or using medication. Each journey with mental illness is unique so what might work for one person may not necessarily work for another. Try things out, see what works and go from there.

Darkness may have been a big part of your past and may still creep up on you in the present. This is realistic as life can be tough even when you don’t live with a mental illness.The only way through this darkness however is to find the light. The light could be anything: a therapist, a close friend, a partner, a beloved pet, being in nature, a safe space, art, music or anything else that brings you comfort.

Most importantly however, you must try and find the light within yourself, within your heart and soul.

In those moments of relentless anxiety, depression or emotional flashbacks, love yourself unconditionally. Take yourself by the hand, like you would a small child and tell yourself ‘ I’ve got you, you are not alone’… ‘ I am there for you, unconditionally’.

If you are having a tough day, then I hope this post helps a little.

Keep going..keep living..you’ve got this!

Love Athina x

6 Lies narcissistic parents tell their children

Narcissistic parents are incredibly destructive to a child’s emotional & mental wellbeing. The 6 lies I talk about in this video, are very common in most narcissistically abusive households.

If this is your background or if you suspect that your upbringing may have been dysfunctional, then this video is for you!

Love Athina

https://youtube.com/watch?v=E3SeAa91bL0%3Fsi%3DTCnZOjlDFd4pTeV7

CPTSD-Living with feelings of shame

Shame can be both good and bad. It can protect us from hurting others by commiting shameless acts but it can also be incredibly destructive when we feel ashamed for our mere existence. Shame is something that our abusive caregivers pass onto us by shaming us for things that they shouldn’t have.

Watch my video for more.

Love Athina

https://youtube.com/watch?v=mJYI2qZU1e8%3Fsi%3DkvzYXSLcBPgCZ5fh

Signs that you are gaslighting yourself

In this post, I wanted to mention the important topic of gaslighting.

If we have survived years of emotional abuse by a parent or a partner who has been gaslighting us, this then ends up becoming our own internal voice. This is known as gaslighting ourselves.

Watch the video to find out more!

Did your narcissistic parent call you selfish?

Narcissistic mothers, especially the covert type, are experts at projection and will habitually project their own negative emotions onto their children.

Selfishness is one of them.

Many adult children of narcissistic parents will have experienced this in some capacity or their parent may have simply called them something else, such as ‘spoilt’ or ‘too sensitive’.

What is your experience?