cptsd – Page 2

Cognitive Bypassing & trauma

Cognitive Bypassing is the practice of avoiding feelings by detouring into cognitive ideas or beliefs. It means that we tend to overthink in order to avoid uncomfortable emotions such as grief, fear or anger.

There is nothing wrong with using cognitive strategies as part of your emotional well-being. However, when every negative emotion must be analysed, changed or explained cognitively, this is counterproductive. Compulsively adding cognition to emotion means that you don’t ever allow your traumas to fully heal. The uncomfortable truth is that there is a component of painful emotions that simply must be felt, as hard as that may be to hear.

Healing trauma has more to do with embracing the feeling in the body than holding on to the thoughts of the mind. Somatic healing is crucial in recovery from trauma when you live with CPTSD. Allowing yourself to grieve the losses of your childhood is also a huge part of the healing process. Throwing CBT techniques at clients who suffer with trauma just isn’t enough!

Different therapies that enable us to somatically process trauma are very important in healing childhood trauma. Art therapy, dance therapy, drama therapy, play therapy as well as somatic healing, EMDR, sensorimotor therapy and accelerated experiential dynamic psychotherapy are all very important.

Most of us who have experienced trauma, find ways to constantly avoid our emotions by overthinking but also by comfort eating, doing drugs or drinking alcohol, being compulsive, dissociating and so much more.

How many of us actually just sit with our uncomfortable emotions and allow ourselves to self soothe, allow ourselves to have a good cry and share what we are actually feeling? Do we actually allow ourselves to feel our sadness or fear and just give it the space to be present without analysing it? This isn’t easy for many of us. As much as it isn’t easy, we have to find ways to make room for it and really feel whatever comes up.

Why you mustn’t apologise to a narcissist

In narcissistic relationships, the narcissist is an expert at shifting the blame onto others. For this reason alone, you shouldn’t apologise to a narcissist.

In most cases, you are usually not at fault. They’ve been shifting the blame onto you, and they want to make you believe that YOU are doing what THEY’RE doing.

By apologising to them for something you DIDN’T DO, you’re giving into their delusion, and giving them more power to falsely accuse you.

Watch the video to find out more.

Love Athina

The spotlight effect – A result of narcissistic parenting

If you hate being the center of attention and constantly worry about what people are saying about you, then you may have what is known as the spotlight effect, a term coined by social psychologists.

The spotlight effect is a cognitive bias and it refers to the tendency to overestimate how much other people notice about us.

If you have social anxiety, then you most likely also struggle with the spotlight effect.

The spotlight effect can be detrimental to living your life fully, as it holds you back from allowing yourself to be ‘seen’ by others.

Watch the video to find out more and please feel free to share your experiences in the comments.

For one to one coaching, please feel free to email me at: courageisallyouneed@gmail.com

Love Athina

Self Sabotage-A result of childhood narcissistic abuse

Self-sabotage isn’t something we are necessarily aware of yet it can create havoc in our lives and it can stop us from reaching our full potential.

When we have grown up in an environment where there was constant chaos and drama and where our parents shamed us and criticised the majority of the time, it will feel more familiar to us to continue this dynamic in adulthood. We may lead equally chaotic lives with dysfunctional relationships and poor choices.

If we were constantly given the message that we weren’t smart enough, strong enough, attractive enough and in more general terms good enough, then this becomes our internalised voice and it pops up every time we try and take a step forward in our careers, relationships and day to day life.

Even if this internalised voice is negative and not true, it has been our mind’s companion for as far back as we remember. We took on this identity and it is harder to change it when it is all we have known.

If you can relate to this topic, then please watch the video to find out more.

I offer one to one coaching to those of you who struggle with this, so please feel free to get in touch by emailing me at: courageisallyouneed@gmail.com

Love Athina

The ignoring narcissistic mother

There are many different types of narcissistic mothers and some show a combination of behaviours. You may notice one mother who is overbearing and controlling and another who is extremely self-centred and ignoring towards her child. Some mothers can actually flip between overbearing and ignoring.

In this video, I explore the narcissistic mother who ignores her children. Being ignored by a mother feels very painful to the child. These ignoring behaviours create deep emotional gaps in a child’s life that can go undetected for years.

Watch the video to find out more and feel free to check out more of my content on my Youtube channel.

Love Athina

Narcissistic mother & passive/enabling father

Growing up with a narcissistic mother is very painful and isolating. If you are lucky enough to at least have an empathetic father, that alone can help you feel a little less alone. What happens however when your father is really loving and caring towards you but unfortunately fails at the part where he has to protect you from your mother’s abuse? When he isn’t strong enough to stand up to his wife’s demands, he also lets you down and enables your mother’s abuse.

It is especially tough when he tells you in private that he knows your mum is a difficult person but still doesn’t protect you from her hurtful actions. This still leaves you feeling hopeless as you don’t truly have your father on your side.

If this is you, then watch my most recent video below.

Love Athina

Echoism – A result of narcissistic abuse

Have you heard of echoism? Echoism isn’t commonly talked about but is very real and a lot of individuals who have suffered narcissistic abuse in childhood actually live with it.

Echoism is very common with individuals who live with Avoidant Personality Disorder or who have many avoidant traits. Echoists find it extremely uncomfortable being the centre of attention.

Watch the video to find out more.

Love Athina

The only way to face your trauma is to work through it

Facing your trauma in the initial stages of awareness, may feel incredibly uncomfortable and daunting. Even admitting to yourself that you suffered abuse or trauma in your childhood, can feel very scary and soul crushing at first.

If you do reach that point however, please know that you are doing the right thing no matter how uncomfortable.

The only way to heal emotional pain is by acknowledging it, feeling it and grieving it.

There may be people out there that make big promises of how to heal quickly and offer quick fixes for alleviating your suffering, but please know that these quick fixes never work. They may provide temporary relief but they don’t holistically address the deeper parts of your psyche that need nurturing.

I am telling you this because I have been there myself. I have tried short term treatments and they don’t work in the long run. My healing journey from childhood trauma started at the tender age of 16 and I am now 41. I am still working on my healing and will continue to do so.

To change dysfunctional behaviours such as people-pleasing, avoidance, dissociation, toxic shame and inner critic attacks we must put in consistent effort daily for months, even years.

Dysfunctional behaviours that we learnt in our childhood to survive the abuse, need a long time to ‘undo’!

The only way to improve your emotional wellbeing is by peeling away each painful layer gently, acknowledging it and pouring self-compassion and love into it.

What are your thoughts?

Love Athina

Carrying your parents’ shame

Growing up in abuse means that you may have carried feelings of shame for the way you witnessed your parents acting or treating others.

Growing up in a dysfunctional family may mean that you witnessed your parents use, manipulate and control other people, just to get certain needs met. The people that these things were done to, were people that you genuinely liked and couldn’t believe had been treated in such a selfish and immoral way.

Growing up in a dysfunctional family, where one or both your parents had NPD, you will most likely have witnessed aggressive behaviour, socially inappropriate behaviour, victim playing, scapegoating, lying, manipulation and so much more. There will have been many times, where you felt ashamed that you were the son or daughter of such a parent. You would have literally felt like you were ‘bad’ or ‘toxic’ just by association. You would have felt like you had to constantly apologise for your parents’ awful behaviour. This was never your fault or ‘burden’ to carry however.

When dysfunction like this had always been your ‘normal’, you may have found yourself over-compensating somehow in adulthood. You may have noticed how much you are always trying to be kind, selfless and helpful to others. You may have noticed how much you people-please because you don’t want to be thought of as ‘bad’.

Your inner child took on your parents’ shame and this shame wasn’t yours to carry.

Your inner child may still need healing in regards to the abuse it witnessed and experienced.

Self-awareness is so important when trying to heal the trauma you experienced as a child.

You may not have awareness of certain behaviours you carry or even certain behaviours you still repeat because of what you were taught in your childhood.

To start healing, it is crucial to observe your emotions and pay attention to the intensity of your reactions in your body. What things trigger you and why? Why do some things upset you a lot? Why do you have low confidence in some areas but not in others? What things happened in your childhood that may remind you of the present?

Childhood trauma caused from abuse creates a lot of shame and emotional dysregulation.

If you want to start healing or figure out where things may be going wrong in your life, book an introductory call with me by emailing me at courageisallyouneed@gmail.com

Love Athina