Today, I am dedicating this blog post to my dear friend and incredibly inspiring fellow blogger Imany!
She is one of the bravest people I have met through this wonderful blogging community, who has suffered the worst type of abuse (SRA) by her own parents and yet still has the courage and love to spread her inner warrior vibes to the rest of the blogging community.
When I read her posts, I feel like a happy bouncy pea..Just like the one below 🙂
She is bubbly, chatty, funny, genuine, encouraging, caring & extremely talented in her blog writing.
Despite her incredibly unfair childhood, I am pretty sure she was put on this earth to do amazing things..and she already is..Spreading love, encouragement, positivity and suicide awareness with this hashtag # go fix ..
I am sending her hap-pea vibes, as I know she will soon be ‘Hap-pea’ again!and just to be sure…Imani…I am sending you many, many cyber hugs to help you feel a little better! You are loved ❤
Sharing our stories is a powerful force of awakening. By sharing our stories we share with others how we, too, have felt alone, have felt vulnerable and have felt low. And by sharing our stories, we make it okay for other people to share theirs, to open their own mouths and to talk about the hard stuff rather than the fake pleasantries. By sharing our stories we unite with one another, feeling stronger and connected, able to love and be loved even more effectively. By sharing our stories we open ourselves up to other people’s kind blessings, their gratitude and their inspiration. We create a cycle, a wavelength, of love. And that love is necessary, no, sufficient, for preventing yet another loss of life from suicide on this rock floating in space that we call Earth (or Midgard, for Thor fans ;)).
Happy Monday to all of you! It’s the 1st of August today and time seems to have flown by so quickly!
Today’s post is about another topic very close to my heart, due to my own healing journey from codependency to healthy love. It most definetely wasn’t easy to get to where I am. It required perseverance, determination and a little bit of hope.
To heal from dysfunctional relationships & codependency, there are 5 steps that are important to take.Having a therapist who specialises in healing from codepedency, is important in guiding you.
The first step is becoming AWARE that your choices or actions are dysfunctional.
The second step to changing dysfunction is understanding the source of the dysfunction, so where did it come from?
The 3rd step is grieving the loss of a healthy childhood. An abusive childhood usually leads to poor choices in relationships & life in general. Without a stable & nurturing childhood you never learn healthy love, healthy boundaries & your emotional regulation is damaged.
The 4th step is understanding the complexity of changing self-defeating behaviours & changing certain defense mechanisms, that protected you in your childhood but no longer serve you in adulthood. It takes time, patience and self-compassion.
The 5th step is actually trying out new relationships when you have made progress in your healing. You have to make a few more mistakes and discuss these with a therapist by your side, so you can see where you went wrong and how to improve this next time.
When I first found out I was codependent back in 2008, it was like the blindfold was taken off my eyes for the first time. Before learning this, I had a suspicion that something wasn’t right in my relationships but I had no idea how to change this.
I felt like I was in an emotional maze and had no idea which way to go. Everytime I thought I was making better choices in regards to who I was in a relationship with, the more unbearable the heartbreak became.I desperately wanted to be loved but wasn’t able to figure out this painful puzzle! At some point I was so exhausted from the traumatic end of each relationship & the subsequent self abandonment, that I decided to move countries! I wanted a new start…I hoped that I might meet my future husband if I moved away but I never in a million years thought I actually would..Sometimes you need a little bit of luck too!
When I moved back home to Greece after 11 years of living in the UK, I was met with more drama, a flare up of my CPTSD and a father who abandoned me over and over again. I was back in therapy again with a new therapist and was finally diagnosed with CPTSD. I was told both my parents were ’emotionally handicapped’ but that therapist never told me my parents were narcissistic. Maybe she decided at the time that it wasn’t relevant to me.
Despite this she looked after me very well. Each step I took into uncertainty, she held my hand.
I was also entered into a group psychotherapy group and it was extremely beneficial. I was in a group with 5 other people that also had similar backgrounds and it was very healing.
Support is crucial in healing. Without all this I would never have made progress.
The video above is a simple explanation (I hope) of the general dynamics of a codependent & narcissist in a relationship. Maybe you will see yourself in this and get curious. If you do, then please connect with me and I would be happy to have a chat with you.
Please feel free to re-blog this post so it reaches more people! Thank you 🙂
So how do you deal with it in a more constructive way?
Here are 5 tips that might be helpful:
If you never get rejected, it means that you aren’t pushing past your comfort zone enough. Being rejected means that you are putting yourself out there and that takes guts. Rejection acts as proof that you are pushing your limits.
When being rejected, it is much better to acknowledge and accept the emotions that come with the rejection rather than supress or ignore the emotions. It is better to feel the disappointment, sadness or frustration than try to run from it or make excuses to avoid the emotions.
Self-compassion is very important whenever we are having a hard time. To better deal with the rejection, make sure you are paying attention to the way you are talking to yourself. If you get rejected after a job interview and think ‘I will never get a job, I’m just not good enough’ then that doesn’t make you feel better does it? Instead re-frame your thinking to something more positive, such as ‘ That’s a shame, but I have plenty more chances and I am sure I can do better’.
Learning from rejection and asking yourself ‘What can I learn from this’?, is very useful for growth and for doing better next time.
Self-approval is the most important thing when being rejected. If you are comfortable and happy with yourself as a person, then somebody else’s rejection won’t sting as much, because at the end of the day you have yourself to turn to when things feel disappointing.
Today I am grateful for my healthy body, my loving husband and the organic homemade food that I made for my little family.
I am grateful for the stability in my daily life, the ability to write my blogs & create YouTube videos and the love I share with my friends and family.
No matter how awful your circumstances, there are always things to be grateful for ♥
Yes, people have to do more! Turning a blind eye to child sexual abuse is soul destroying! Beautiful post written by Bethany, a survivor and extremely resilient warrior! x
This is the 2nd blog entry I am doing on love addiction, as I know how much of a struggle it is for many of you. I created 2 Youtube videos that cover the most important areas.
Pleae note that there are 2 types of 12 step programmes for love addiction.
One is called Love Addicts Anonymous (LAA) and the other is called ‘Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous’ (SLAA).
and just to be sure…Imani…I am sending you many, many cyber hugs to help you feel a little better! You are loved ❤
couragecoaching.net 