Weaponized incompetence is a form of passive-aggressive behavior where an individual deliberately performs tasks poorly or pretends to be incapable of completing certain tasks. This manipulation tactic is often used to avoid responsibility, forcing others to take over. It doesn’t always come from a bad place because it can stem from a lack of confidence or self-esteem. They may genuinely believe that they’re unable to perform a certain action or task.
When it comes to narcissists however, the intent is much more malicious. It is much more calculated and intentional.
Feel free to watch my YouTube video below to find out more about it.
For one to one coaching, please email me at courageisallyouneed@gmail.com
A one-sided friendship is a relationship where one person puts in all the effort, while the other person contributes very little. In this type of friendship, one person is always there for the other, but the same level of support and effort is not reciprocated. One-sided friendships seem to be common for those of us who have experienced childhood abuse or neglect. One-sided friendships seem to resemble the unhealthy dynamic we grew up in with an emotionally immature parent. In this dynamic we were constantly ‘giving’ and looking after the parent, hoping for some care and attention in return. Sadly we only got crumbs of attention and it wasn’t even positive.
A lot of us tend to feel that we want the friendship more than the other person, that it is more important to us than it is for them. We feel needier towards that friendship and then feel ashamed for feeling this way. This seems to be a theme that is repeated in our life.
When this happens we start wondering whether it is even possible to form a healthy, reciprocal friendship? The answer is YES, it is possible but only if we acknowledge and respect our boundaries and think about our worth. How far will we take a one-sided friendship until we finally give up on it?
How many chances do we give the person?
Would we rather be alone than have a couple of one-sided friendships that don’t enrich our lives?
What is healthier for us?
Feel free to share your experiences in the comments below.
Narcissistic parents are incredibly destructive to a child’s emotional & mental wellbeing. The 6 lies I talk about in this video, are very common in most narcissistically abusive households.
If this is your background or if you suspect that your upbringing may have been dysfunctional, then this video is for you!
As many of you already know, my journey to qualifying as a Life Coach, was based on my own recovery from my narcissistically abusive parents.
For those of you who don’t follow my more personal blog, I wanted to just give you a little insight into my own struggles.
In the last few days, I have been struggling with contact again from my father, after 1 year and a half of not speaking.
I sent him a letter, so he could stop harrassing me by phone.
I never exclusively told him I wanted no contact, but after a very traumatic time following his attempted suicide, (as a way of stopping his wife from leaving him) he gave me the silent treatment for a year, so I just went along with it.
I was not willing to respond to him and was already in a grieving process, even though there was no closure of any sort.
When he finally decided to start hoovering me back in with his phonecalls and sudden caring, I continued to ignore his calls. This communication from him went on for 8 months. I finally got fed up with the constant calls that I decided to send him a letter to end our relationship. I briefly explained my reasons and gave him the chance to reply.
I received his reply and it hit me really hard! More than I expected it to.
I realised that I still had a tiny glimmer of hope that he might change his behaviour and this was a huge setback for me. I also realised how incredibly strong the trauma bonding is between us, even more so than with my mother.
As a means of coping with my recent distress and the final letter to him, which I am in the process of writing at the moment, I created the below video!
It outlines what I have been going through and what many other survivors of abuse face all the time.
Please feel free to share it, if you think it may help others.
Just visit my Youtube page and embed it into your page.
‘Selfish’ means that you care enough about yourself to get your needs met; selfishness is a choice.
On the other hand, when you think about being ‘needy’, this means that your unmet/unknown needs motivate you — there’s no choice. This is when you become a people-pleaser and you lack the assertiveness to say no.
This isn’t where you want to be in this journey called life.
Selfish does not mean to focus exclusively on yourself — it just means that you easily can when you need to.
Selfish does not mean you become an irresponsible 4 year old, who does whatever he/she wants and ignores the needs of their family or their work.
Selfish means that you learn to love, value, accept, forgive, be true to, and care for yourself fully and wholeheartedly.
Healthy selfishness feels like taking a risk because you might have been brought up to believe that being selfish is a bad thing. However, healthy selfishness simply means you do not disregard yourself to please others or to support others at your own expense. Healthy selfishness means that you practice self-love and self-care.
How do you see yourself? Do you practice healthy selfishness?
Shame is caused by negative messages. The shame I am highlighting in this video is caused by dysfunctional parents. Shame is insidious and can have detrimental effects on the way we view ourselves and others.
This is something I am very familiar with as a survivor of narcissistic abuse and I want to highlight the cause of shame, so people can maybe identify with what might have been said to them as children and so they can find a way to move forward and heal.
Dysfunctional homes have this at their core.Children don’t feel safe to express emotions of sadness or pain..Children are taught that it is not ok to have sad or angry emotions..that they will be a burden if they dare to express these emotions..
This is not acceptable..This is emotional abuse..
Physical vulnerability is different to emotional vulnerability..When someone is physically disabled or physically ill, he/she seems to have more understanding from others..because you can see his/her illness physically..When a disability is emotional or mental however, people are quicker to dismiss it..This is where the stigma of mental illness comes in..Every single person out there with a mental disorder, is vulnerable..If they suffer with anxiety or depression, this makes them vulnerable..Just as much as someone who has a heart condition, or cancer or any other condition..
A vulnerable person is someone who struggles with day to day life.
People with mental illness frequently become vulnerable and easy targets of physical and mental abuse.
People with mental illness can have poor boundaries, emotional dysregulation and many other extremely debilitating symptoms. They deserve the same compassion as those with obvious physical disabilities. They deserve the right to be able to talk about their struggles.
Happy Monday fellow bloggers. This is quite a late post, so I hope it reaches some of you.
I have just done another video on YouTube, where I talk about the 3 main stages of recovery that someone goes through, in particular concerning the recovery from childhood narcissistic abuse. I also talk a little bit about the acceptance stage of recovery, which I personally found the toughest in my own recovery.
Acceptance that you parents weren’t able to love you unconditionally, is a painful, rejecting reality. It is easier to spend most of your adult life being in denial of this, as it is such an incomprehensible reality to accept.
Once you are able to reach this stage of acceptance however, you feel like a huge burden has been lifted off you.
I wish all of you who struggle with this sort of realisation, to be able to finally reach this stage one day.
Happy Monday dear friends! I have reached 100 followers on this page and I am very grateful for those of you who have supported this new venture. My other blog mychildwithin , documents a lot more about my healing journey and has already been around for just over 1 year. For those of you who already follow it, you may have read about how successful EMDR therapy has been for me, in regards to treating my trauma.
I uploaded a very quick informational video on Youtube about what EMDR is. I will be following this video with 2nd one that focuses on EMDR in a little more detail, in which I will talk about how it feels to have EMDR and what the different phases are that you go through.
As a narcissistic childhood abuse survivor, it has helped me neutralise my biggest traumas. That said, it isn’t of course suitable for everyone. I would recommend it through my own positive experience with it but I would urge you to research it really well and only find a qualified therapist who has training in it.
couragecoaching.net 