sexual abuse – Page 2

Trauma bonding

Trauma bonding is the reason people choose abusive partners time and time again.

Trauma bonding is also known as Stockholm syndrome, something that is mentioned a lot when someone has been abducted.

Trauma bonding is something that starts in a person’s childhood, if they have suffered abuse or neglect.

If you are someone who keeps choosing emotionally unavailable partners or abusive partners, then this is why.

Love Athina ♥

It is wrong to silence survivors of abuse

As a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and in honour of some of my followers who are also survivors of abuse, I want to do a short but very important post today about the unfortunate shaming & silencing that happens to survivors.

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It is absolutely horrendous to deny someone of their right to freely talk about their abuse and to deny them the ability to heal.Every time a survivor talks about the abuse to someone who validates them and acknowledges their pain, there is a small layer of healing taking place.

On the other hand, every time a survivor shares their story and isn’t believed, is shamed for not forgiving their abuser or is told to not go public about their abuse, it is destructive & extremely painful. It shows that the person shaming the survivor lacks empathy & understanding for the pain & trauma they have been through. It is re-traumatising and makes the survivor feel isolated & abused once again.

For those of you out there, who don’t know much about child abuse because you have been fortunate enough to grow up with healthy, loving parents please understand this:

Survivors require acknowledgement of their pain & suffering

Survivors require kindness & empathy

Survivors need to hear ‘I am so sorry for what you have been through’

Survivors need to be shown healthy lovely, healthy boundaries because they never learned these in their childhood..

Survivors DON’T want to be told to forgive their abusers

Survivors DON’T want to be told to stop talking about what happened to them just because you are uncomfortable with it.

Survivors DON’T want to be told to ‘Get over it because it was a long time ago’

Survivors DON’T need any more abuse, silencing or shaming.

Much love Athina ♥

Courage is..

Today, I am dedicating this blog post to my dear friend and incredibly inspiring fellow blogger Imany!

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She is one of the bravest people I have met through this wonderful blogging community, who has suffered the worst type of abuse (SRA) by her own parents and yet still has the courage and love to spread her inner warrior vibes to the rest of the blogging community.

When I read her posts, I feel like a happy bouncy pea..Just like the one below 🙂

She is bubbly, chatty, funny, genuine, encouraging, caring & extremely talented in her blog writing.

Despite her incredibly unfair childhood, I am pretty sure she was put on this earth to do amazing things..and she already is..Spreading love, encouragement, positivity and suicide awareness with this hashtag # go fix ..

I am sending her hap-pea vibes, as I know she will soon be ‘Hap-pea’ again! giphypea and just to be sure…Imani…I am sending you many, many cyber hugs to help you feel a little better! You are loved ❤

Love Athina ♥

Narcissistic abuse survivors

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As some of you already know, I have great insight into narcissistic abuse, after a tumultuous life with 2 narcissistic parents, many narcissistic ex-partners and narcissistic ex friends. Before my father discarded my mother in 2000 and filed for divorce, he had already met his second narcissistic wife. He had already lined her up to fill his emptiness and later had a child with her. The cycle of abuse unfortunately continued and there was nothing I could do to prevent it.He has been married to her for 16 years now and it has been the most destructive, soul destroying relationship I have ever witnessed.

My histrionic/covert narcissistic mother, on the other hand, luckily didn’t re-marry. She just had 2 relationships which didn’t work out.She has remained irritable, negative and critical. She still blames everything & everyone else for her misery and struggles to cope with her own depression.

My childhood in general was always hot & cold.One minute things were relatively normal and my parents would be kind & thoughtful and the next they would be extremely hurtful & abusive. This almost made coping with the abuse harder, as the kind moments would give me hope as a child and then when the abusive moments would come around, I was utterly devastated and confused. I then learnt that whenever my parents were kind, there were always strings attached to this kindness. I was told many times as a child ‘After everything I have done for you, this is how you treat me?’. I felt guilty and ashamed. I felt worthless and no good.

The one thing I know for certain is that for those of you who have also been affected by narcissistic abuse, you have developed a deep sense of self-awareness, a sense of gratefulness for the tiny moments of kindness that others have shown you and a high level of empathy from a young age. Most of you sought out therapy and have always helped and be-friended the shy or needy. Yes you have made many mistakes along the way, by getting involved with people who resembled your family of origin, however this is a logical result of growing up in an abusive or neglectful home.

The thing that helped me the most in my recovery was forgiving myself for struggling so much in my life. Self-compassion is the best gift you can give yourself as an abuse survivor.Recovering from narcissistic abuse means that you have to dig deep to reveal the many layers of trauma. You have to acknowledge that it isn’t going to be easy to go through all the painful realisations of your past but that is extremely important to work through each layer and grieve your losses. Trusting that others won’t hurt you is a huge struggle for those who have been abused. If your primary caregivers let you down so badly, why on earth would you trust complete strangers?

The most important thing to remember is that there is no time frame on healing and that everyone copes and heals differently.

My advice will always be to ask yourself ‘What do I need’? ‘What am I scared of’? ‘How can I look after myself’?

For those of you who can relate and understand, just remind yourselves daily that you survived an unfair childhood and that from now on you can give yourself the unconditional love your parents weren’t able to give you. In every low moment, remind yourself that you are brave and resilient.

Now in my 30’s I have already been through the darkest moments of despair and have healed extensively through many years of trauma therapy. I am now armed with knowledge,coping skills and the most important thing: the knowledge that healing is possible and that you ARE able to live a more fulfilling life. If you had asked me this same question 2 years ago, I wouldn’t be feeling so optimistic.

Now I am putting all my knowledge into helping others and it feels good! It feels good to see that others feel validated & comforted, because this is a feeling I missed out on a lot! It feels good to be there and pass on information, even if it only helps one other person. Free advice is so valuable and we can all do it! So many of us are already doing it!

Love Athina ♥

Take control of your own healing

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Every healing journey is unique to each person. No journey should be judged, minimised or discounted.

Whether it is childhood abuse, emotional, sexual or physical abuse, domestic abuse, grief, a single trauma or multiple traumas, nobody has the right to criticize someone else’s journey.

If you have compassion and maybe share what helped you, it doesn’t necessarily mean it will help others in the same way. Having compassion and empathy is so crucial. Listening, without trying to fix is also important.

After you reach a certain point in your healing, you will notice that things get easier. The intensity of certain emotions lessen and your sense of self-protection and boundaries are solid. If you suffer from a mental illness, it doesn’t necessarily mean it will go away. You eventually just learn to accept that it is a part of you and that you can handle it in a self-compassionate way.

What is your experience with healing?

Do you believe you will reach a point in your recovery where things eventually feel better?

Are you persistent in practicing self-care and healing with appropriate professional support?

Don’t forget that healing is a very up and down process. It isn’t always straightforward. Sometimes just as you are starting to feel better, something else comes along which needs processing. It might feel that you are back to square one again but this really isn’t the case.

Changes happen in very small ways sometimes and it depends on whether you have regular support.

Always be kind to yourself and others going through a process of healing ♥

Love Athina ♥

Breaking the cycle of your childhood abuse-Start being kind to yourself

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Of course it isn’t as simple as the 4 things written in the photo but it is definetely true that in order to break the horrible pattern of abuse from your childhood, you have to stop abusing yourself. YOU hold the answers to how much you will recover and it is up to you to start changing your thought patterns day by day..Nobody ever said it would be easy but it is possible..

The internalised messages of ‘You are not good enough, you are stupid’ are just repeats of what your abusers told you. They aren’t the ‘real’ you! The real you is a worthwhile person who deserves love and happiness.The real you is a person who deserves to heal and doesn’t need a nasty inner critic. With the help of a therapist or a coach, you can keep yourself on track. By having someone to report to, this might help you be more motivated. It is very important to keep trying as your brain needs sustained effort to learn ‘new, healthier messages’. That is why it is important to practice the above steps every day.

Your brain needs time to destroy the old habit wiring already in existence and then build new wiring for your new empowering positive affirmations.

Whatever your mind keeps hearing, it will eventually accept as truth. So what you want to do is to start repeating your new positive thoughts to yourself. Do it constantly. Do it repeatedly. Do it daily. Do it with passion, conviction and belief.