Tag: moving forward
How to be assertive-Steps to healthy self-assertion
This post is the last one on assertion and hopefully the most useful to those of you who struggle with being a people-pleaser and/or are quite passive in your relationships with others.There is also a YouTube video attached for those of you who are auditory & visual learners.
Here is a quick guide on how to be assertive:
- Firstly get the person’s full attention when you are trying to make an important point. This may seem like a given however it is important to ensure there are no distractions.
- Describe in an objective way, what you are having difficulty with in regards to the other person’s behaviour. EXAMPLE: ” I said I wanted to speak to you and you have just turned on the tv”.
- Express constructive feelings using ”I” statements. Don’t say ”You completely ignored me”.Instead, choose to say ” I feel upset that you are not listening to me”. It is ok to state feelings of disappointment & annoyance, as these are constructive feelings.
- Check your statements & make sure the other person gives you a response. This will hopefully enable some sort of resolution later on. EXAMPLE: ”I feel that you are hiding something from me. What do you think about this”?
- Listen to the other person’s response with an open mind and give feedback in a controlled manner. Avoid dismissing the reply as soon as it is given.
- State your preferences clearly. EXAMPLE: ”I would like if you could always be honest with me”.
- Request agreement from the other person.If they don’t agree or try to avoid the subject, clearly state ”Are you willing to make any changes?”
- Communicate any relevant information concerning future occurences.State what you will do if the same problem re-occurs.
Facebook page
Dear friends,
I have added a facebook community page recently, which I am hoping to also use as a platform to talk about issues regarding self-improvement, practicing self-compassion, dealing with dysfunctional/toxic people and how to stop people pleasing!
If you are on facebook, then I would greatly appreciate if you stop by and say hi! 🙂
Love ♥ Athina
Take control of your own healing
Every healing journey is unique to each person. No journey should be judged, minimised or discounted.
Whether it is childhood abuse, emotional, sexual or physical abuse, domestic abuse, grief, a single trauma or multiple traumas, nobody has the right to criticize someone else’s journey.
If you have compassion and maybe share what helped you, it doesn’t necessarily mean it will help others in the same way. Having compassion and empathy is so crucial. Listening, without trying to fix is also important.
After you reach a certain point in your healing, you will notice that things get easier. The intensity of certain emotions lessen and your sense of self-protection and boundaries are solid. If you suffer from a mental illness, it doesn’t necessarily mean it will go away. You eventually just learn to accept that it is a part of you and that you can handle it in a self-compassionate way.
What is your experience with healing?
Do you believe you will reach a point in your recovery where things eventually feel better?
Are you persistent in practicing self-care and healing with appropriate professional support?
Don’t forget that healing is a very up and down process. It isn’t always straightforward. Sometimes just as you are starting to feel better, something else comes along which needs processing. It might feel that you are back to square one again but this really isn’t the case.
Changes happen in very small ways sometimes and it depends on whether you have regular support.
Always be kind to yourself and others going through a process of healing ♥
Love Athina ♥
© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.
Self-care chart
When you are struggling from a mental illness, self-care can sometimes take a back seat.
You forget or are unable to eat properly. You have trouble sleeping which then results in not having the motivation and energy to do much at all. You can become more isolated when trying to cope and can even forget to ask for support.
This little chart above gives you a little insight into the important things to consider.
The 2 most important areas in my opinion are physical and mental self-care but a balance amongst all 5 of these areas is crucial, as they are interlinked.
If you feel that there are any areas of self-care that you are particularly struggling with, then please let me know in the comments below. I would be happy to help you come up with an easy action plan, that might enable you to move forward.
Love Athina ♥
Surround yourself with supportive people
When you suffer from a mental illness it is very difficult to feel hopeful when you are really struggling.Every day can be a battle and those negative thoughts can be very hard to silence. Sometimes feelings can overcome you at the most inappropriate times and others may think you are overreacting or being a drama queen. Paying close attention to the people in your life can determine how much your overall mood is affected. If you are an empath or highly sensitive person, you suck in other peoples’ emotions like a sponge. For this reason, you need to have the right kind of people around you or limit your time with those who aren’t enriching to your life.
Think about how the people in your life make you feel 80% of the time? Are they supportive & uplifting? Are they encouraging and empathetic? Do they understand your struggles and offer to help?
This is very important when you have a low tolerance for stressful situations due to a history of toxic child abuse. When complex trauma is part of your life, you need to feed your brain with the things you were starved of as a child. You should provide yourself with unconditional love, acceptance, validation and comfort. It is also important to have friends and family that can also provide these things for you. It might feel unnatural at first and almost feel silly to tell yourself that you are worthy and lovable every day, however this is what your brain needs. It needs a new healthy habit!
Recent studies have shown that victims of childhood abuse and combat veterans actually experience physical changes to the hippocampus, a part of the brain involved in learning and memory, as well as in the handling of stress. The hippocampus also works closely with the medial prefrontal cortex, an area of the brain that regulates our emotional response to fear and stress. PTSD sufferers often have impairments in one or both of these brain regions. Studies of children have found that these impairments can lead to problems with learning and academic achievement.
We know that psychotherapy can really help survivors of severe trauma and also we know that EMDR is very helpful for reducing nightmares, flashbacks & overwhelming emotions.What you do for yourself however is equally important as you are the person that feels, thinks and reacts to your surroundings 24/7! It has been proven that with a mixture of validating affirmations, manageable goal setting, therapy and loving relationships, people can improve the quality of their life dramatically, especially in regards to their overall outlook.
Tips on forming a healthy relationship after you’ve experienced an emotionally abusive one
It can be quite worrying to think about a new relationship especially if the previous one was emotionally scarring for you. Emotional abuse in an intimate relationship can erode you self-esteem, your trust and your ability to believe in the possibility of healthy love. I have been there in the past and know really well how difficult this can be to overcome.
Here I have listed a few things that helped me move forward in my own life. I am now happily married after many failed emotionally abusive relationships. Maybe the following tips might help you too.There is always hope!
WHY – IDENTIFY ‘WHY’ YOU WERE DRAWN TO AN EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE PARTNER IN THE PAST, SO YOU CAN AVOID FALLING FOR ONE IN THE FUTURE (Low confidence, vulnerable time of your life, history of trauma)
FORGIVE YOURSELF – BE SELF-COMPASSIONATE AND DON’T CRITICIZE YOURSELF FOR HAVING CHOSEN AN ABUSIVE PARTNER.
SELF REFLECTION – GET IN TOUCH WITH HOW YOU TREAT YOURSELF FIRST (what is your self-belief system like? Do you respect yourself? )
BELIEF – BELIEVE IT IS POSSIBLE TO BE ABLE TO LOVE & BE LOVED IN A HEALTHY WAY.
RED FLAGS – MAKE A LIST OF ABUSIVE RED FLAGS TO WATCH OUT FOR IN FUTURE PARTNERS
SUPPORT SYSTEM – MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A SUPPORT SYSTEM OF FRIENDS AND FAMILY AROUND YOU THAT ARE HEALTHY OR A THERAPIST TO HELP YOU HEAL FROM YOUR PAST EXPERIENCE
TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS – IF SOMETHING DOESN’T FEEL RIGHT IT PROBABLY ISN’T
MAKE SURE ACTIONS MATCH WORDS – MAKE SURE THERE IS CONCISTENCY WITH WHAT SOMEONE SAYS AND WITH HOW THEY ACT
EMOTIONAL FLASHBACKS – BE MINDFUL OF WHETHER YOUR REACTIONS ARE ACTUALLY RELATED TO THE PRESENT OR WHETHER THEY ARE CREEPING UP FROM THE PAST.
TESTING THE WATER – TELL YOUR NEW PARTNER ABOUT YOUR PREVIOUS EMOTIONAL ABUSE BEFORE YOU ARE INTIMATE – THEIR REACTION WILL HELP YOU DETERMINE IF THEY ARE A ‘SAFE, CARING PERSON’
I will be talking about these tips in much more detail very soon on my youtube channel. I will post a link to this very soon when it is ready.
Thanks for stopping by!
Love Athina
Our choices have to reflect our values
I have met many people who have very strong morals and values and are stuck working in a company that doesn’t reflect these in the slightest.
I have also met people who are lucky enough to actually have a job that reflects their values but in their personal life this isn’t the case.
What is it that stops people from ditching the uncomfortable situations they find themselves in and going for what they really want? Is it timing or circumstance?Or maybe they are just unlucky in their choices. Things start off well and then things take a turn for the worse.
The reason that people struggle with changing something in their life is due to the fear of it being the wrong choice again. I mean if it has already happened once, it can happen again right?
This is very common and when it comes to jobs or relationships it is quite understandable that people worry about not finding the right one.
In cognitive behavioural coaching, the coach can help the coachee self-reflect on their thought processes and find the thoughts that may be blocking them from making a decision. It can also assist with the steps that the coachee needs to take to reach their goal.
As always stated in any coaching session, motivation is key. If the coachee isn’t motivated to make a change then change won’t happen.
Tackle goals one at a time
When you have set yourself a goal that you want to reach, you might set the actions you want to take (to achieve your goal) too high! By too high I mean that they aren’t achievable due to many factors such as lack of time, lack of motivation, no confidence etc.
It is generally best to suggest that you break down your ultimate goal into smaller chunks.
Create an action plan by listing small realistic steps that you can actually take to achieve your end-goal.
Thanks for stopping by
For any newly created site there is always a bit of a delay in the initial interaction. I am currently in Germany but hoping to reach more people via this platform.Since I am already familiar with wordpress and the people on here are very friendly, I decided that the creation of a page here would be ideal. I also have another blog site on here which focuses on trauma and healing from abuse. It is an anonymous blog so please be respectful of this if you know it. I will be creating YouTube videos very soon so bare with me.
Feedback is always wonderful so look forward to hearing from you!
couragecoaching.net 