Courage Coaching

30 common characteristics of a narcissist

I have also added a pdf with a few extra characteristics on my YouTube channel in the comments section below the video.

Please share this video if you find it helpful or think it might help somebody else ♥

DSM traits of someone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)

In this video I state the criteria that someone needs to have, to be diagnosed as having NPD (at least 5 or more to qualify ).

If you or someone you know has suffered greatly due to someone with this disorder, please leave a comment or share your experience. More and more people are realising that they have been abused by such pathologically ill individuals.

Most of the time, these individuals know that they are being abusive as they try to hide their actions in public. They are very good at turning people against the victim of such abuse if they dare speak out and making them out to be the abusive one.

Take care, always ♥

Love Athina

”The negativity of the world can’t put you down, unless you allow it to get inside you”

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The above quote is easier said than done when we are constantly surrounded by negativity, tragedy, pain and loss. If we were raised by mentally ill, abusive parents, the negativity that we carry with us takes years to change in therapy. It is a huge commitment but it is possible to change for the better.

If we have been lucky enough to only have certain certain negative experiences with others and in our life, then this of course makes it easier to not sink into the depths of negativity or despair.

If we have many loving, uplifting people in our life, a good job, a healthy lifestyle and a loving marriage then does negativity affect us less? It probably does but what is also important to consider is the amount of inner resilience and courage we have and the possibility of mental illness or physical illness which can touch anyone.

Every person is unique and each experience is also unique but how prepared are we to challenge that inner voice we might have of worry or destructive thinking? Not everyone is willing to reflect on themselves.

It is difficult to commit to changing a bad habit but if this habit is making us miserable then we should want to put in the effort to change it at whatever cost, right?

One of the biggest things I learnt is that we are the driver in our life. We get to choose what direction we go in and whatever comes our way is up to us how we deal with it. Making excuses in life is easy but when we are really passionate about something, excuses don’t exist. Maybe we should always aspire to finding passionate purpose in our life.Some of us may choose to dedicate our lives helping those less fortunate. Others may be passionate about art, science or education. Whatever we choose to do in our life, balance is very important, respect of others and ourselves is important and giving back as much as we take, is also important.

Currently, I wake up every morning with the ability to spend my days freely and I feel fortunate in so many ways. Although I have experienced tragedy, trauma and been surrounded by negativity in my immediate family for most of my life, I have chosen to give back, to share, to support and to be grateful for every single thing I have. When I watch the news, I feel overwhelmed with the state of our world. The greed that has destroyed so many lives, the fantasies of wealth and power that continue to kill innocence and safety. The constant lies that we are fed in the media, the poverty, the destruction and the neverending war are enough to erase any hope for a stable future.

What can we do however? Do we turn a blind eye and retreat into our own little bubble of life, work and family or do we make sure that we do one good thing for somebody else each day? If we earn an extra 100 or 200 a month, shall we donate it to charity to help others or do we keep it in case tragedy hits us and we need to pay medical bills?

There are so many questions to answer but the one most important thing I have realised is that we can always give back, that we can assist and share our love and be kind to others as much as possible. Keeping negativity away is very difficult, especially when you are a highly sensitive person but whenever you have the opportunity to help someone in need, then I believe you should do it. It is important to have a good conscience and that is the thing that drives me in most of my decisions.What is yours?

We are not infallible and just like any other person we have days where we feel that we haven’t done enough or could have been a bit more aware of our choices. The important thing however is that we keep learning and we keep growing.

Love Athina ♥

Dealing with criticism

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When someone criticizes us, it tends to touch a nerve and can sometimes leave us feeling very vulnerable, very angry and sometimes both!

This may be because there is absolutely no truth in the criticism and we feel it is completely unfair or actually because there is some truth in the criticism and we are just not ready to deal with it.

Being criticized is also especially difficult when the person criticizing us is someone we hold in high regard. It could be our boss at work or a new partner.

The thing that most people don’t realise is that criticism on it’s own isn’t what makes us upset. The meaning we attach to criticism is what affects us. As I mentioned in one of my previous blog posts, being a people-pleaser means that we give others too much power over our emotions and how we feel about ourselves. If others’ approval is extremely important, then we give them consent to always make us feel bad about ourselves.

In order to stay away from seeking approval, we have to learn to practice self-acceptance and only rate our actions or traits but not ourselves. We are responsible for our reaction to someone’s criticism and it is up to us to change how we respond.

If we already have low self-esteem, then criticism will be especially hurtful and it could take us days to recover from it.

Are you someone who struggles from others’ criticism? Do you find that you always get overly upset when someone criticizes you or overly agree? Do you avoid contact with that person after the criticism occurs? I would love to hear your experiences.

If you are a childhood abuse survivor, I am especially interested in your experiences. When you have internalised your parents’ negative and unhealthy criticisms, this will then follow you around and will be brought to the surface everytime someone criticizes you. This is actually quite a painful, traumatic reaction because a present criticism can send you into an emotional flashback of your parents’ abuse. This is something I am particularly experienced in through my own recovery from abuse but also through talking to others who still struggle with this internal self-critic.

Love Athina ♥

The healing journey of Chiron

Very insightful post! Love this quote! Thank you for sharing Deborah.

”On some level we are being asked to die to old ways of being and it may be a tough call. The losing of that habit or thing will have a cost but it will also have a benefit which we can often not see when we are captured by the pain of loss and it may far outweigh the cost of loosing it in the long run”.

Emerging From The Dark Night

Chiron

Its part of being human, being part of the natural cycle of things, that all things change and end. There can be times when we hold onto old ways of being, old habits, old patterns of thought and even old defences that are not really helping us any more. At one time they may have kept us safe or helped us to cope but as we change and grow we begin to see how old patterns can repeat over and over leading us in circles which do now allow any forward growth.

This is not to imply that the trajectory of growth occurs only in a straight line. Often we have to cycle and recycle through and around old experiences, re-experiencing the original imprint or wound in a common way, we may have to do this many times, until we spiral up to a new level of consciousness and see the reality of what we have…

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The importance of persistence

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When some of us decide to take on a new goal, we tend to put in a lot of effort at the beginning and then as time progresses we don’t sustain the same effort to reach it. This is sometimes the case when people have New Year resolutions. An initial goal is set at the beginning when motivation is high but when the going gets tough, the less effort is put in. We tend to start procastinating and the more we put something off, the worse it gets.This then results in our failing to reach our goal.

Wanting to make a change, especially when it comes to bad habits, requires commitment, effort and persistence. To really make a change we have to commit to something 7 days a week! This might seem extreme but it really isn’t. Thomas Edison famously remarked that ‘genius is 1% inspiration, 99% perspiration.

Most of us wish there could be a ‘quick fix’ for most things in life but this really isn’t possible when we want to make lasting change. It’s an in-built human urge to free ourselves from painful patterns of behaviour and seek peace, happiness and contentment immediately. When an individual has deep-rooted beliefs and unconscious patterns that have kept them stuck in unhappiness most of their life, this is something that requires persistence to change.It means that an individual would have to keep persevering through the ups and downs, through the disappointments and sometimes inevitable frustration.It means that the same goal might have to be looked at from different angles until a breakthrough happens.

Do you find yourself setting a goal and then getting overwhelmed too quickly?Do you find that the minute you hit a difficulty, you give up straight away? Do you have a low tolerance for frustration?

I would love to hear some of your experiences ♥

Facebook page

Dear friends,

I have added a facebook community page recently, which I am hoping to also use as a platform to talk about issues regarding self-improvement, practicing self-compassion, dealing with dysfunctional/toxic people and how to stop people pleasing!

If you are on facebook, then I would greatly appreciate if you stop by and say hi! 🙂

Love ♥ Athina

Take control of your own healing

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Every healing journey is unique to each person. No journey should be judged, minimised or discounted.

Whether it is childhood abuse, emotional, sexual or physical abuse, domestic abuse, grief, a single trauma or multiple traumas, nobody has the right to criticize someone else’s journey.

If you have compassion and maybe share what helped you, it doesn’t necessarily mean it will help others in the same way. Having compassion and empathy is so crucial. Listening, without trying to fix is also important.

After you reach a certain point in your healing, you will notice that things get easier. The intensity of certain emotions lessen and your sense of self-protection and boundaries are solid. If you suffer from a mental illness, it doesn’t necessarily mean it will go away. You eventually just learn to accept that it is a part of you and that you can handle it in a self-compassionate way.

What is your experience with healing?

Do you believe you will reach a point in your recovery where things eventually feel better?

Are you persistent in practicing self-care and healing with appropriate professional support?

Don’t forget that healing is a very up and down process. It isn’t always straightforward. Sometimes just as you are starting to feel better, something else comes along which needs processing. It might feel that you are back to square one again but this really isn’t the case.

Changes happen in very small ways sometimes and it depends on whether you have regular support.

Always be kind to yourself and others going through a process of healing ♥

Love Athina ♥

Thank you for the follows and support!♥

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Sending you all warm wishes for a peaceful and hopeful day. I really appreciate your support of this new page and if there are any topics you would like me to talk about, then let me know in the comments below.

♥ Athina

The importance of resilience

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So what is resilience and is it common?

Resilience can be defined as an individual’s ability to properly adapt to stress and adversity. It is about an individual’s ability to manage difficult emotions that arise in times of difficulty, without supressing them.

Research shows that resilience is actually more common, than uncommon, as life has many ups and downs and people are having to adapt all the time to many difficult situations.

A person’s attitude is the most important element of having resilience. If someone generally has a negative thinking style, this is not helpful to having resilience.

There are a few many important attributes associated with resilience:

The capacity to make realistic plans and take steps to carry them out.
A positive and self-accepting view of yourself and confidence in your strengths and abilities.
Skills in communication and problem solving.
The capacity to manage strong feelings and impulses without complaining about any struggles or falling into self-pity when setbacks arise.
Adaptability-The ability to act flexibly in changing or challenging circumstances.
Asking for support or accepting support from others. Positive, supportive relationships are key to coping in tough times.
Having humour- Finding light moments in depressing times can sometimes help lift the mood.
Being aware of unhealthy thoughts that may pop up and don’t benefit you in times of adversity.

Now that you are aware of what makes someone resilient, what happens when you need to develop more resilience? What steps could you take?

Here are a few things to keep in mind:

Take care of yourself and treat yourself with respect, comfort & acceptance.
Try and be hopeful for the future no matter what the current circumstances. A positive outlook is very important.
Ask for support from friends or family
Look for opportunities of self-discovery. Adversity isn’t obviously welcomed but if something negative happens, look at how you handle it and learn something about yourself.
Accept that change is part of living
Make decisions or take actions when confronted with a difficult situation. Don’t avoid it!
Set small goals that are easy for you to reach. It doesn’t matter how small. The more you achieve, the better you will feel
If you are spiritual, use your faith to support you.Prayer or meditation can be very helpful
Journaling, blogging, art therapy or other therapies can also be useful in developing resilience.

I would love to hear your thoughts on resilience. Is there anything in particular that happened which improved your resilience? Do you think you are resilient or do you think you could develop better resilience?

♥ Athina