anxiety – Page 4

Symptoms of anxiety that you may not know about

Anxiety can affect our body in so many ways that sometimes it is very hard to differentiate between anxiety or something much more serious.Some symptoms are exactly the same as symptoms caused by more serious health problems, so how do we tell the difference?

It is usually helpful to get check ups with a doctor to rule out anything more serious but most of the time, a doctor can tell you if what you are experiencing is caused by anxiety.

The below symptoms were directly sourced from: www.anxietycentre.com This website is the most helpful and detailed website out there regarding anxiety, that I have recommended to clients, those suffering from an anxiety disorder & also therapists.

This would be useful, to anybody out there who suffers with Generalised Anxiety, OCD, phobias, panic disorder, PTSD, CPTSD & Social Anxiety.

This website, helped me identify a lot of my own anxiety symptoms several years ago, when I was in a constant state of hyperarousal and anxiety. Shortly after this period, I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD, which finally gave me more insight into my condition.

The symptoms list on this website, were very validating for me at a time that I literally felt like I was going crazy with anxiety.

I personally have experienced the following symptoms, in addition to the most well-known symptoms that most people know about.

Eye problems, vision symptoms
Eyes sensitive to light
Tingling & numbness in arms
Frequent urination
Bad taste in the mouth and anxiety
A tinny, metallic, or ammonia, or unusual smell or taste
Depersonalization
Derealization
Brain fog
Tremors

Which of these symptoms have you experienced from your anxiety disorder?

Below is a detailed list of all the symptoms associated with an anxiety disorder. Did you ever think there were this many?

Body Anxiety Symptoms:

Back pain, stiffness, tension, pressure, soreness, spasms, immobility in the back or back muscles
Blanching (looking pale, loss of color in the face or skin)
Blushing, turning red, flushed face, flushed skin, blushing, red face or skin
Body aches, parts of or your entire body feels sore and achy, feels like your body and muscles are bruised
Body jolts
Body zaps
Body shakes
Body trembling, shaking, anxiety symptoms
Body tremors
Body temperature increase or decrease, change in body temperature
Brain zaps
Burning skin, itchy, crawly, prickly or other skin sensations, skin sensitivity, numbness on the skin
Burning skin sensation on the face, neck, ears, scalp, or shoulders
Buzzing sensation in the feet, toes, hands, fingers, arms, legs
Chest pain anxiety symptoms
Chest pains anxiety symptoms
Chest tightness feeling
Choking
Choking feeling in throat
Chronic Fatigue, exhaustion, super tired, worn out
Chronic pain and anxiety
Clumsiness, feeling clumsy, co-ordination problems with the limbs or body
Cold chills, feeling cold all the time
Cold flashes, flash
Cold hands and feet
Craving sugar, sweets, chocolate, usual craving for sugar and sweets
Crazy thoughts
Difficulty speaking, moving mouth, talking, co-ordination problems with the mouth or tongue
Dizziness, feeling lightheaded, dizzy, feeling dizzy
Electric shock feeling, body zaps
Excess of energy, you feel you can’t relax
Falling dropping sensation
Feeling faint
Feel ill and sick, yet can’t describe how you feel but that you feel ill in some way
Feel like you are going to pass out
Feel cold, chilly, cold all the time
Feel wrong, different, foreign, odd, or strange
Feels like floor is moving, swaying
Flu-like symptoms, feel sick or ill, feel like you are coming down with the flu
Flushed face, red face, flushed skin
Frequent urination
Frequent urination at night
Frequent urination in men
Hair loss, hair is thinning, or clumps of hair are falling out, balding
Headaches, migraine headaches, anxiety headaches
Head and Brain Zaps
Head and brain zaps – medication causes
Heart palpitations, racing heart
Hot flash, flashes
Hyperactivity, excess energy, nervous energy
Hypersensitivity; super sensitive nerves, hearing, touch, tastes
Increased or decreased sex drive
Infection – increased infections, persistent infection
Motion sickness feeling
Mouth or throat clicking or grating sound/noise when you move your mouth or jaw, such as when talking
Muscle tension, stiffness, aches, pains
Muscles that vibrate, jitter, tremor, or shake when used
Muscle twitching
Muscle weakness
Nausea
Nausea vomiting
Neck, back, shoulder tension and stiffness
Neck tension
Nervous cough
Night sweats, waking up in a sweat, profusely sweating at night, anxiety night sweats
No energy, feeling lethargic, tired, exhausted, chronic fatigue
Numb tinging hands
Numbness
Numbness tingling, numbness and tingling
Numbness and tingling fingers
Numbness and tingling, and other skin sensations on hands, feet, face, head, or any other places on the body
Pins and needles: all over, in the hands and feet, fingers, left arm, etc.
Pounding heart, heart feels like it is beating too hard
Pulsing or throbbing muscles. Pulsing or throbbing sensation
Racing heart, heart palpitations
Red skin, skin looks like or is turning red
Rib or rib cage tightness, pressure, or feeling like a tight band around the rib cage
Sexual Dysfunction, sexual uninterest
Shaking anxiety feelings
Shooting pains anxiety symptoms
Shooting pains, stabbing pains, and odd pressures in the neck, head, or face
Shooting pains in the face
Shooting pains in the scalp or head
Skipped heart beats
Sore or tight scalp, headaches, neck tension
Startle easily
Sweating, profuse, excessive, uncontrollable sweating
The floor feels like it is moving either down or up, swaying
Tightness in the ribs or rib cage area, may also feel like a tight band around the ribs or rib cage area.
Tingling numb hands
Tingling, tingly, pins and needles sensations – anywhere on the body, including the hands, feet, legs, arms, head, mouth, chest, groin area
Throat or mouth clicking or grating sound/noise when you move your mouth or jaw, such as when talking
Trembling, shaking, tremors
Twitching
Unsteadiness, dizziness, feeling dizzy or lightheaded
Urgency to urinate, sudden urge to go to the washroom, sudden urge to pee
Warm spells
Weak – feel weak, weakness, low energy, light, soft, like you may faint
Weak legs, arms, or muscles
Weak limbs/extremities
Weight gain; sudden weight gain
Weight loss; sudden weight loss

Fears Anxiety Symptoms:

A heightened fear of what people think of you
Afraid of being trapped in a place with no exits
Constant feeling of being overwhelmed.
Fear of being in public
Fear of dying
Fear of losing control
Fear of impending doom
Fear of making mistakes or making a fool of yourself to others
Fear of passing out
Fear that you are losing your mind
Fears about irrational things, objects, circumstances, or situations
Fears of going crazy, of dying, of impending doom, of normal things, unusual feelings and emotions, unusually frightening thoughts or feelings
Feeling afraid all the time
Heightened self awareness, or self-consciousness
Need to find nearest washrooms before you can feel comfortable
Need to sit near exits

Head Anxiety Symptoms (associated with the head):

Anxiety headaches, migraines headaches
Brain fog
Burning, itchy, tight scalp
Dizziness or light-headedness
Frequent headaches, migraine headaches
Feeling like there is a tight band around your head, pressure, tightness
Hair loss, hair is thinning, or clumps of hair are falling out
Having a humming, droning, rumbling, throbbing, vibrating-like, hissing, fizzing, or other types of sounds in your head
Headaches, migraines
Head, neck or shoulder tightness, stiffness, or pain
Head zaps, head tremors. brain zaps
Giddiness
Numbness
Numbness tingling, numbness and tingling
Shooting pains, stabbing pains, and odd pressures in the neck, head, or face
Shooting pains in the face
Shooting pains in the scalp or head
Tingling in Head
When you close your eyes you feel like are beginning to, or will, float upwards
Sore jaw that feels like a tooth ache
TMJ (Temporo-Mandibular Joint) – clenching of the jaw or grinding of the teeth

Heart Anxiety Symptoms (associated with the heart):

Chest pain or discomfort
Chest pains anxiety symptoms
Concern about the heart
Find it hard to breath, feeling smothered, shortness of breath
Frequent yawning to try and catch your breath
Heart attack or anxiety attack (panic attack)
Heart Palpitations – beating hard or too fast, rapid heartbeat
Heart – Irregular heart rhythms, flutters or ‘skipped’ beats, tickle in the chest that makes you cough
Pounding heart, heart feels like it is beating too hard
Radiating pain in the left shoulder and arm
Shooting chest pains
Shortness of breath
Stabbing pains in the back, fear heart problem
Tight band around the chest, fear heart problem

Mind Anxiety Symptoms (associated with the mind and thinking):

Afraid of everything
Altered state of reality, consciousness, or universe feeling
Brain Fog
Crazy thoughts
Deja Vu, a feeling like you’ve done or experienced something before
Depersonalization
Derealization
Desensitization
Difficulty concentrating, short-term memory loss
Difficulty speaking
Difficulty thinking
Disorientation
Easily distracted
Fear of going crazy
Fear of losing control
Fear of impending doom
Feelings of unreality
Frequent feeling of being overwhelmed, or that there is just too much to handle or do
Having difficulty concentrating
Memory loss
Nightmares, bad dreams
Obsession about sensations or getting better
Slow motion feeling
Repetitive thinking or incessant ‘mind chatter’
Short-term learning impairment, have a hard time learning new information
Short-term memory impairment, can’t remember what I did a few days, hours, or moments ago
Spaced out feelings, feeling spaced out
“Stuck” thoughts; thoughts, mental images, concepts, songs, or melodies that ‘stick’ in your mind and replay over and over again.
Trapped in your mind feeling
Underlying anxiety, apprehension, or fear
You often feel you are carrying the world on your shoulders

Mood Symptoms; Emotion Symptoms (associated with mood, emotions, and feelings):

Always feeling angry and lack of patience
Chronic Fatigue Anxiety Symptom, Syndrome
Depersonalization
Depression
Dramatic mood swings
Emotionally blunted, flat, or numb
Emotions feel numb; emotionally numb
Emotional flipping (dramatic mood swings)
Emotions feel wrong
Everything is scary, frightening
Feeling down in the dumps
Feeling like things are unreal or dreamlike
Frequently being on edge or ‘grouchy’
Frustration, frustrated, anxiety frustration
Feel like crying for no apparent reason
Have no feelings about things you used to
Irritability, irritated, easily annoyed
Mood swings
Not feeling like yourself, detached from loved ones, emotionally numb
Underlying anxiety, apprehension, or fear
You feel like you are under pressure all the time

Mouth, Voice, Stomach, and Digestive System Anxiety Symptoms (associated with the mouth, voice, stomach, and digestive system):

Bad taste in the mouth and anxiety
A tinny, metallic, or ammonia, or unusual smell or taste
Aerophagia (swallowing too much air, stomach distention, belching)
Burning mouth, feeling like the inside of your mouth is burning, or tingling, or like pins and needles, or all of these together or at different times
Burping, belching, frequent or excessive burping and belching, gas
Burning tongue, feeling like your tongue is burning, or tingling, or like pins and needles
Choking
Constant craving for sugar or sweets
Constant lump in the throat feeling
Constipation
Diarrhea
Difficulty swallowing
Difficulty talking, pronouncing certain letters or sounds, mouth feels like it isn’t moving right, slurred speech
Dry mouth
Esophageal spasms
Feeling like you can’t swallow properly or that something will get caught in your throat
Feeling like your tongue is swollen
IBS
Lack of appetite, Loss of appetite
Lump in the throat, tight throat, something stuck in your throat
Mouth muscles twitching/jumping
Mouth or throat clicking or grating sound/noise when you move your mouth or jaw, such as when talking
Nausea
Nausea vomiting
Nausea or abdominal stress
Nervous stomach
Stomach upset, gas, belching, bloating
Teeth grinding
The thought of eating makes you nauseous
Tight throat, lump in throat
Throat or mouth clicking or grating sound/noise when you move your mouth or jaw, such as when talking
TMJ
Tongue symptoms – Tingly, stretched, numb, frozen, itchy, crawly, burning, twitching, jumpy, aching, sore, or swollen tongue (when it isn’t).
Urgency to urinate, frequent urination, sudden urge to go to the washroom
Voice changes: shaky, crackly, raspy, unsteady, hoarseness, broken, cracked, weak, random pitch, uneven tone, loss of voice, etc.
Vomiting

Skin Anxiety Symptoms (anxiety symptoms associated with the skin):

Burning itching skin (hands, feet, face, lips, etc.)
Burning skin sensations, skin sensitivity
Itching burning skin but no rash
Numbness
Numbness tingling, numbness and tingling
Red skin, looks like your skin is red or turning red for no reason
Skin feels cold, wet
Skin problems, infections, rashes

Sleep Anxiety Symptoms (anxiety symptoms associated with sleep and sleep problems):

Difficulty falling or staying asleep
Frequent bad, bizarre, or crazy dreams
Hearing sounds in your head that jolt you awake
Insomnia, or waking up ill in the middle of the night
Jolting awake
Waking up in a panic attack
You feel worse in the mornings

Sight Anxiety Symptoms (anxiety symptoms associated with the eyes and sight):

Distorted, foggy, or blurred vision
Dry, watery or itchy eyes
Eye tricks, seeing things our of the corner of your eye that isn’t there, stars, flashes
Eye problems vision symptoms
Eyes sensitive to light
Spots in the vision
Flashing lights when eyes are closed
Your depth perception feels wrong

Touch Anxiety Symptoms (anxiety symptoms associated with the sense of touch):

Burning skin sensations, skin sensitivity
Feeling cold or chilled
Numbness
Numbness tingling, numbness and tingling
Pain
Pins and needles: all over, in the hands and feet, fingers, left arm, etc.

Love Athina ♥

Can’t afford Coaching or Therapy? Then try Co-counseling :-)

Apologies for not having posted since Friday..My laptop has been very slow so I have found it extremely hard getting stuff done on it.

In this post I would like to introduce Co-coaching to those of you who have never heard of it..

My YouTube video explains it in more detail and by watching it you can find out more about it. Hint hint 😉

I would love it if this post could reach as many people as possible, so please share away 😉

This is something you can practice with a friend or partner..

It’s free, it helps with personal growth, relieves stress and provides you with a weekly outlet for all your pent up emotions or thoughts.

So what are you waiting for ?

Help me spread awareness on Co-counseling 🙂

Love Athina ♥

Poor sleep-One of many side effects of CPTSD, anxiety & depression

Are you somebody who struggles to sleep well and ends up waking up exhausted in the morning rather than refreshed? Do you find that you often have vivid stress dreams which can at times disrupt your sleep in the middle of the night?

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If you are someone who also struggles with depression, anxiety or (C)PTSD, then this will no doubt have an impact on your quality of sleep.

Both anxiety & depression, involve a thinking style known as ruminating. Ruminating means that we go over the same thoughts over and over again,without any resolution. These thoughts are usually negative and if they aren’t resolved with some sort of action, they will then possibly play out in our dreams at night.

Apparently is has been stated that a memory is composed of a situation or thought, the emotions experienced from that situation or thought and then the actions taken. If something happened during the day for example, that was upsetting but you weren’t able to resolve the situation in some way, then this will most likely linger until you go to bed. Since ruminating means that our thoughts and emotions are stuck in a repetitive loop, we will then most likely have an anxiety dream, in which we will try and find a resolution to our initial problem. Our mind just isn’t able to switch off properly until our problem has been solved.

So basically, if you have had a stressful day and there is still stuff that needs to be resolved, you will then most likely be doing this in your sleep as well. Since stress and anxiety can be exhausting during the day, then it is pretty similar at night too.If the brain doesn’t get a chance to ‘switch off’ or relax at night, then you can understand why the quality of your sleep is compromised.

This causes a vicious cycle which looks a bit like this :

Worrying/Rumination → Poor sleep quality → Increase in stress during the day & trouble coping → Worrying/Rumination → Poor quality sleep .. etc

Too much ruminating can lead to feeling helpless. If you are too focused on the problem you are ruminating about, you tend to get stuck and this affects your actual problem solving skills.

A few tips to calming your worrying mind at night:

Try and resolve the problem before going to bed (if this is possible).
Talk to a friend or family member about your worries (A different point of view might do wonders)
Write down your troublesome thought/s on a piece of paper or type up a document on the computer..This might help you find a solution, by seeing your thoughts clearly written in front of you..
Another thing you can do is write a priority list (if your worries are work related). By organising your time and managing your tasks into more urgent, less urgent etc..this might help you relax more.
Think about what is in your control and what isn’t..If it isn’t in your control, then try to ‘let it go’..
If you are still not able to sleep, use lavender oil on your pillow and find some self-hypnosis tracks you can listen to while lying in bed..

What are your thoughts on this? Are you someone who suffers with ruminating and poor quality sleep? Do you also suffer with a mental illness? How often would you say you have anxiety dreams on average? Twice a week or more?

Love Athina ♥

The importance of feeling our feelings

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If we were able to count how many times we avoided our own suffering, I think we would fail miserably..

We have all at some point avoided emotions that are uncomfortable, by distracting ourselves, by numbing ourselves and by completely ignoring what is really going on..

This makes complete sense..Humans don’t like suffering..

By avoiding pain, we are temporarily soothing ourselves so we can better cope with what is bubbling under the surface. We might drink alcohol, do drugs, eat too much food, watch too much tv or spend too much time on the internet. We might develop addictions to numerous things and not even realise it.This is how we cope and in society at the moment, a huge percentage of us are addicted to the internet. If we are feeling down, we go online to search for clues as to what might make us feel better.If we are lonely, we announce it to the world on social media to get attention, instead of just reaching out to a caring friend. If we are happy, we also go online and share it with the world, instead of just enjoying the moment.

Since the focus of this post is on uncomfortable feelings, we need to acknowledge how often we avoid them..How will we ever grow and better ourselves if we constantly hide behind our suffering?

Distractions are good sometimes, don’t get me wrong..and also connecting with people online, blogging, watching videos etc..The important thing to remember is however, that we still need to be aware of what we still need to improve or change in our lives and actually do it!

For those of us who suffer with a mental illness, it is even more challenging to not run from suffering..Especially if it is a constant part of our lives to feel really low, anxious, terrified, lonely etc..If we have a history of trauma, no matter how much we try to ‘numb ourselves’, this will eventually start seeping out..

If we have been made to feel small, unimportant or ashamed in our childhood, then this will be incredibly tough to run from or avoid..We will feel it in the depth of our being..It will reveal itself in every step forward we may try to take..No matter what we do in our life, we will never feel good enough, lovable enough, deserving enough..It is a tough reality to bare..

Avoiding our feelings gives us temporary relief but with a whole life ahead of us, this isn’t enough..

If you are suffering at the moment, then face the pain..cry…ask for a hug..have human contact..Talk to someone who will genuinely listen..Don’t bury your suffering inside a tv or by reading about how you can make it better on numerous sites….This can also become addictive..gathering information about a certain area constantly but without actually taking any actions to improve that area of our suffering, is also avoiding pain..

Yes, of course we need validation for our suffering but make sure that you are making progress..If you want to deal with your anxiety, then take active steps to improve this..Talk to a qualified Coach or Therapist..Practice daily positive affirmations..Take ACTUAL STEPS to accept and manage your feelings..ACCEPTANCE is very important but ACTION is too!

If you want to change jobs but feel too scared, then face your discomfort head on and start applying for new ones..Attend interviews..Keep trying..

If you are scared of heights but would love to go trekking, then find a way to face your fear..

The list goes on..and applies to many areas of our lives..

No matter what uncomfortable feelings you are avoiding, face them..The longer you avoid them, the longer they will remain..

We have to face discomfort..

We have to face reality..

We have to face our fears..

This is how we will grow..heal..get better

This is how we will improve our confidence, reduce our suffering and release our fears..

and lastly, if a situation is unchangeable due to our lack of control over it, learn to ACCEPT it for what it is..

Love Athina ♥

Speak your truth..

Speak your truth, be yourself and if people don’t accept you then it is their loss, not yours!

If people don’t value your reality, your kindness, your honesty then they don’t deserve your time or your love.

When speaking your truth, have you ever felt overwhelmed with emotion? What has the emotion been? Anger, frustration, sadness, loss, disappointment?

The worst of all these for me was always frustration and then deep sadness..

When talking to a narcissistic parent, you feel all of these times 10!

Continuing to speak your truth despite the pain, frustration, loss and anger is very important…Don’t ever let anyone keep you silent..

Love Athina ♥

Tips on setting boundaries

A useful video for those of you who have trouble saying ‘No’ to others and have a general difficulty in setting boundaries.For those of you who had an abusive childhood, boundaries would have been invaded very often and you wouldn’t have been able to defend yourself. Now that you are an adult you ‘CAN’ protect yourself and practice self-care whenever you need to. It doesn’t matter if it is a family member, partner or best friend. Setting boundaries is essential for good psychological well being!

Much Love Athina ♥

Narcissistic abuse survivors

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As some of you already know, I have great insight into narcissistic abuse, after a tumultuous life with 2 narcissistic parents, many narcissistic ex-partners and narcissistic ex friends. Before my father discarded my mother in 2000 and filed for divorce, he had already met his second narcissistic wife. He had already lined her up to fill his emptiness and later had a child with her. The cycle of abuse unfortunately continued and there was nothing I could do to prevent it.He has been married to her for 16 years now and it has been the most destructive, soul destroying relationship I have ever witnessed.

My histrionic/covert narcissistic mother, on the other hand, luckily didn’t re-marry. She just had 2 relationships which didn’t work out.She has remained irritable, negative and critical. She still blames everything & everyone else for her misery and struggles to cope with her own depression.

My childhood in general was always hot & cold.One minute things were relatively normal and my parents would be kind & thoughtful and the next they would be extremely hurtful & abusive. This almost made coping with the abuse harder, as the kind moments would give me hope as a child and then when the abusive moments would come around, I was utterly devastated and confused. I then learnt that whenever my parents were kind, there were always strings attached to this kindness. I was told many times as a child ‘After everything I have done for you, this is how you treat me?’. I felt guilty and ashamed. I felt worthless and no good.

The one thing I know for certain is that for those of you who have also been affected by narcissistic abuse, you have developed a deep sense of self-awareness, a sense of gratefulness for the tiny moments of kindness that others have shown you and a high level of empathy from a young age. Most of you sought out therapy and have always helped and be-friended the shy or needy. Yes you have made many mistakes along the way, by getting involved with people who resembled your family of origin, however this is a logical result of growing up in an abusive or neglectful home.

The thing that helped me the most in my recovery was forgiving myself for struggling so much in my life. Self-compassion is the best gift you can give yourself as an abuse survivor.Recovering from narcissistic abuse means that you have to dig deep to reveal the many layers of trauma. You have to acknowledge that it isn’t going to be easy to go through all the painful realisations of your past but that is extremely important to work through each layer and grieve your losses. Trusting that others won’t hurt you is a huge struggle for those who have been abused. If your primary caregivers let you down so badly, why on earth would you trust complete strangers?

The most important thing to remember is that there is no time frame on healing and that everyone copes and heals differently.

My advice will always be to ask yourself ‘What do I need’? ‘What am I scared of’? ‘How can I look after myself’?

For those of you who can relate and understand, just remind yourselves daily that you survived an unfair childhood and that from now on you can give yourself the unconditional love your parents weren’t able to give you. In every low moment, remind yourself that you are brave and resilient.

Now in my 30’s I have already been through the darkest moments of despair and have healed extensively through many years of trauma therapy. I am now armed with knowledge,coping skills and the most important thing: the knowledge that healing is possible and that you ARE able to live a more fulfilling life. If you had asked me this same question 2 years ago, I wouldn’t be feeling so optimistic.

Now I am putting all my knowledge into helping others and it feels good! It feels good to see that others feel validated & comforted, because this is a feeling I missed out on a lot! It feels good to be there and pass on information, even if it only helps one other person. Free advice is so valuable and we can all do it! So many of us are already doing it!

Love Athina ♥

Leaving your comfort zone

Moving out of our comfort zone can be extremely rewarding if we are able to manage the anxiety that pops up. Humans are creatures of habit and having a steady routine, a safe haven in our home and the people around us that provide love and validation,becomes so important.We fear uncertainty, loss, pain, and so we seek to keep ourselves cooped up in our ‘safety net’ of comfort.

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The difficult thing about comfort zones, is that they can at times foster an attitude of learned helplessness making progress harder.

Personal discovery and personal development tend to happen more when we are outside our comfort zone but how often do we actually manage to venture outside it?

The one thing that my coachees always find helpful, is to start off with setting 1 small goal. It is easier to focus on 1 thing at a time if you want to make progress. The goal has to be something that is achievable and a little scary, but not overwhelming. Once you succeed in reaching this initial goal, this will then give you the courage and further motivation to tackle something bigger.

Sometimes, people overstretch themselves by doing too much at once, too quickly.

If someone has never left home, has never gone on a holiday abroad and then suddenly gets offered a job in another country where they don’t even speak the language, then this is an example of something that can be too much.

How do you cope when you have to leave your comfort zone? Have you had any experiences which were overwhelming? I am particularly interested in people who also suffer from anxiety often. How do you tackle this? I would love to hear your experiences.

Love Athina ♥

Take control of your own healing

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Every healing journey is unique to each person. No journey should be judged, minimised or discounted.

Whether it is childhood abuse, emotional, sexual or physical abuse, domestic abuse, grief, a single trauma or multiple traumas, nobody has the right to criticize someone else’s journey.

If you have compassion and maybe share what helped you, it doesn’t necessarily mean it will help others in the same way. Having compassion and empathy is so crucial. Listening, without trying to fix is also important.

After you reach a certain point in your healing, you will notice that things get easier. The intensity of certain emotions lessen and your sense of self-protection and boundaries are solid. If you suffer from a mental illness, it doesn’t necessarily mean it will go away. You eventually just learn to accept that it is a part of you and that you can handle it in a self-compassionate way.

What is your experience with healing?

Do you believe you will reach a point in your recovery where things eventually feel better?

Are you persistent in practicing self-care and healing with appropriate professional support?

Don’t forget that healing is a very up and down process. It isn’t always straightforward. Sometimes just as you are starting to feel better, something else comes along which needs processing. It might feel that you are back to square one again but this really isn’t the case.

Changes happen in very small ways sometimes and it depends on whether you have regular support.

Always be kind to yourself and others going through a process of healing ♥

Love Athina ♥

Fear of negative emotions & being a People pleaser

If you are afraid of experiencing other peoples’ negative responses or emotions, then you will do everything you can to avoid this.This fear will make it hard for you to say NO to someone and you end up doing things you really don’t want to do.You feel compelled to always do as they say and become completely submissive to their needs. This is the core of being a people pleaser.

These fears usually stem from childhood abuse, where you had an overbearing, manipulative parent or parents. If your parents would punish you severely if you didn’t do what they wanted, then you will have been conditioned to be obedient at all times.

Some really important characteristics of being a people pleaser is when you have low self-esteem, are addicted to others’ approval and are always dependent on them for your self-worth and validation. This happens especially when you might have had a narcissistic/psychopathic parent that criticised you negatively all the time and made you feel excessively guilty and shameful when you didn’t do as they said. With extremely self-centered parents, everything is always about their needs and your needs take a back seat. Every time you want to take a step forward and be more independent in your thinking & behaviour, they will always find a way to pull you back and make you feel dependent on them and their way of thinking.(codependent).It is a very strong type of conditioning that happens in abusive homes and as a young child you aren’t able to escape this environment.

Something that is very common when you are people pleaser is always rationalising peoples’ abusive behaviour to the point of always forgiving it. You always make excuses for others’ bad behaviour and say things like ‘Yes my father beat me but at least he provided a roof over my head’ or ‘I know my mother is very manipulative but deep down she has a good heart’.This has a lot to do with ‘toxic bonding’ or stockholm syndrome’, where you are extremely attached to your abuser in a very emotionally damaging way. You aren’t able to accept the reality of how bad something actually is, because it is extremely painful.

Another couple of traits that make someone a people pleaser and also make them more susceptible to emotional abuse is the fact that they may be emotionally immature and have very weak boundaries. They don’t know what is theirs and what is others’. If they grew up in a home with a parent that would constantly go through their things as a teenager, always invade their space whilst at the same time parentifying them and giving them things to do that weren’t their responsibiliy, this has a detrimental effect on how they view others and how they view themselves. They grow up thinking that it is ok for someone to use them, to take advantage of their lack of assertiveness and self-respect.

A very important part of dealing with manipulative or pushy people is developing self- assertiveness. This is something very useful for people that are constantly submissive to others in an unhealthy way. Assertiveness can be taught and this is something I offer in Coaching.

If you think you might need assertiveness training, then please let me know.

Best Wishes

Athina