Mental illness has always been a part of my life. Whether it is through my own personal journey, through my family’s or watching friends struggle.
Although I haven’t been writing on here much, mental health will always remain a very important cause that I will always talk about. It is crucial for anybody struggling with mental illness to feel heard, to feel validated & to feel safe.
Empathy & understanding are necessary and we must all do our best to listen without judgement.
Life can sometimes throw us a curveball and none of us will ever know when this might happen.
Talk about mental health!
Be open & honest!
Be understanding!
Listen & give plenty of hugs to those struggling!
Sometimes that is enough to make someone’s day a little better!
The sad thing about healing from abuse is that many people who haven’t themselves been abused, can’t possibly understand the survivor’s journey.
Healing from abuse is unique to each individual who has experienced it. The survivor will be emotionally damaged and/or physically hurt and unfortunately this damage is sometimes irreversible. Abuse leaves behind scars unique to each survivor’s experience.
Although healing means that your mind and body are able to recover, this doesn’t mean that the person can return to being ‘normal’.
The aftermath of abuse is usually permanent.
There might be long-lasting Complex PTSD for those who suffered child abuse, human trafficking, kidnapping or other severe types of abuse.
For some individuals abuse might be all they have known. They don’t have a pre-trauma or pre-abuse identity. They might not know what it is truly like to feel safe.
To all survivors of abuse or trauma,it is very important to remember this:
Being in a relationship with a narcissist, whether that is a family member or partner, is like constantly being sucked into a vortex with no escape. Every time you think you are getting somewhere, you get sucked in deeper and deeper. Your confidence is constantly eroded, you start doubting your feelings and logic and the narcissist continues to do what he or she does best: Turning the tables on you everytime you have an argument.
They are masters at saying things like ” I never said that”, ”you are imagining things”, ”stop being so sensitive”, ” you hurt me way more than I hurt you” etc. …
Everything can & will always be used against you
Everything is always your fault
Everything is about how you hurt their feelings more than they hurt yours..
They are always one step ahead..
You will never win, you will never beat them..
The worst part is, that being in a relationship with a narcissist can become extremely addictive…
A trauma bond is created over time and the victim in this dysfunctional relationship clings onto the hope that the narcissist will become the positive person they remember from the beginning..The caring side that they were lured in with at the start, is what keeps them from walking away from the relationship..
If the relationship is with a narcissistic parent rather than a partner, then it is ever tougher for the adult child to break free..The trauma bond is even stronger, especially because a child’s love for their parents never dies and also because the brainwashing that goes on in the family home, is even more long-lasting and intense.
If you are in a relationship with someone whom you think is a narcissist and are starting to come around to this realisation, then please feel free to comment.
For support, please email me at courageisallyouneed@gmail.com
Today’s post and youtube video is about the more hidden type of narcissism known as covert narcissism.
I know how destructive this type of narcissism can be from personal experience and I believe that more people need to be aware that covert narcissists sometimes hide behind a mask of generosity, fake empathy and self-sacrifice.
They walk among us more often than anyone realises and they can be doctors, healthcare workers and psychologists.
Covert means: not openly acknowledged or displayed, concealed or hidden
If you find the video or this post useful please feel free to comment, like & share it with anyone who might benefit.
After a wonderful 10 days off work, celebrating my birthday with friends and exploring new places with my husband, I am feeling grateful and refreshed.
Today’s topic is especially important to me, as someone I care about deeply is currently suffering with this type of depression.
Although high functioning depression is a milder form of depression, it is equally as important as other types of depression.
When it comes to depression, many of us envision a person caught in the depths of despair and hopelessness, who wants nothing more than to stay in bed and avoid people and work completely. We envision someone who has lost all interest in the things they love, who may be feeling suicidal and is barely holding it together.
Although the above isn’t inaccurate, it doesn’t portray life as a high functioning depressive.
When someone suffers with mild or high functioning depression, the typical joy and laughter they once felt, is usually replaced by an absence of emotion and a very deep feeling of emptiness.
This is known as anhedonia and it is the loss of interest in previously rewarding or enjoyable activities.
To the outside world they seem like they are coping fine. They are still able to go to work every day and communicate effectively. They are still able to reach goals and get out of bed in the morning.
The most unfortunate part of those with this milder form of depression is that when they talk about their feelings to loved ones and even doctors, they aren’t taken seriously enough.
Unless someone is literally unable to function, they seem to be dismissed as not having anything to worry about. This isn’t good!
When life circumstances change, those experiencing mild depression may be at greater risk for moderate to severe depression if treatment isn’t sought early enough.
This is also discussed in my youtube video, so feel free to share if you think it may help someone you know.
As much as I dislike watching the news and tend to limit what I take in, it is increasingly difficult to not be affected by the constant bombardment of war footage, terrorist attacks, murder and suffering.
When you are a highly sensitive & empathetic person, it is easy to get overwhelmed by the sadness of others. I am very much aware of the cruel injustice in our world and it hurts me deeply to see so many suffering. It is even tougher when this is repeated in your own country. Due to the fact that I know what it feels like to have your life threatened, I decided to make the following video on the aftermath of trauma. This is my small contribution towards all those affected.
Despite my traumatic childhood, I was also once caught up in armed robbery, where a gunshot went off right next to me and a woman was lying on the floor with blood on her leg. The disbelief of what I had witnessed was indescribable. The terror I felt shook me to the core. I couldn’t comprehend how someone could shoot a gun, when everyone at the cashier was cooperating and the robbers had managed to get their money.
This armed robbery happened at a time where I was very vulnerable already as my CPTSD was really bad. All I could think of after this robbery was ‘not again, not another trauma to add to my list’. Life felt so unfair and scary on that day and my mind was telling me that there was more damage done and that I would not recover this time.
If it wasn’t for my kind therapist at the time, to ground me and tell me that I wasn’t going to let this swallow me, I don’t know how I would have coped in the long term.
So this video is for those of you who are new to trauma. It is helpful in understanding yourself after a traumatic experience and it gives you the tools you need to ride the emotional waves that may at times feel like they are taking over.
Although I am not a qualified psychotherapist, I do have a lot of insight into trauma through my own journey and I know the many things that helped me, as well as others. If you are someone who is in deep distress, then please call a qualified mental health professional.
Thank you so much for reading & watching! ♥
Please share this post if you think it will help others.
Check out my patreon page below, if you would like to support the creation of more videos, documents and fact sheets.
Inspired by a comment made by a friend on her facebook page, I wanted to address the difficulty of finding a balance between self-soothing and running away from emotional pain. I also wanted to write about what it actually means to self-soothe.
Self-soothing is about allowing yourself to experience any uncomfortable emotions by using healthy techniques to comfort and restore balance. Successful self-soothing doesn’t mean that you make the feelings more intense. It means that you will eventually enable the emotions to pass. Self-soothing is about tolerating an uncomfortable experience, without acting in ways that are not helpful in the long run. This is when running away from emotional pain comes in. If you choose to block your emotions or run from them, this will then make the emotions grow in intensity or come out in ways you didn’t intend in the future.
Running away from emotional pain looks like the following:
Compulsively drinking, smoking or self-medicating
Using meaningless sexual encounters to numb emotional pain or fear of abandonment
Compulsively working or keeping busy to avoid feeling
Sleeping too much to avoid feeling
Comfort or emotional eating – Eating too much sugar or fatty foods whenever you feel low
Compulsively exercising
Gambling
Compulsively shopping
Do you see a pattern here? The more addictively or compulsively you do something, the more it means you are running away from what needs to be dealt with. It’s like an ostrich burying its head in the sand — just because you are hiding from everything and pretending everything is okay, does not mean that it will be okay.
We are all guilty of running away from our emotions. Sometimes they are just too painful to deal with and nobody wants to feel pain of any sort.
My biggest vice seems to still be comfort eating. I love my cakes & biscuits unfortunately, although apart from those, I generally eat a very balanced diet. Chain smoking used to be my biggest coping mechanism from the ages of 15-22 but I am so glad that I was able to quit.
Luckily, I have become better at self-soothing. I have realised that the more I deal with my emotions, the better I feel in the long term.
When feelings are dealt with head on, you talk about them, you cry, you blog about them, you ask a friend for support and you do something in that moment that will help you feel a little better, safer or comforted.
Self-soothing means that you wrap yourself in a blanket and play your favourite music. It means that you take yourself for a walk in nature. It means you find a quiet space in your home and you focus on breathing slowly and deeply and calming yourself down. It means that when you are feeling especially low, you read out some positive affirmations to help empower you. It means that you run a bath with your favourite oil or bath foam.It means that you engage in something creative. It means that you listen to your body.It means that you practice self-compassion and kindness to yourself. Self-soothing can be done using all 5 senses.
It’s been an extremely busy few days for me recently, which means my blog posts and youtube videos have had to take a back seat.
Work has been a priority, with little time for writing and reflecting.
I have also had an influx of emails from people needing immediate support dealing with narcissistic individuals. It always deeply saddens me to hear all the grief so many are currently experiencing and sometimes I wish I could just take all their pain away.
The ‘No contact’ question has been popping up a lot, so in this video I stress the importance of acceptance. Acceptance in this case, of the fact that a narcissist isn’t able to love or empathize and isn’t going to change and treat you better.
Once you manage to reach a place of acceptance through grief and talking with a professional, it is then easier to make the decision to go ‘no contact’.
In yesterday’s video, I decided to talk about Avoidant Personality in a little more detail, as my first video became very popular in a short amount of time and many viewers reached out to me with questions .
In this video I discuss some examples of what avoidance may look like, not only in full blown Avoidant Personality Disorder but also with people who just have a lot of the avoidant traits. I also talk about what specifically causes avoidant traits and what the consequences are.
couragecoaching.net 