Love Athina ♥
© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.
Tag: Mental illness
Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing -EMDR (Short term therapy for trauma)
Happy Monday dear friends! I have reached 100 followers on this page and I am very grateful for those of you who have supported this new venture. My other blog mychildwithin , documents a lot more about my healing journey and has already been around for just over 1 year. For those of you who already follow it, you may have read about how successful EMDR therapy has been for me, in regards to treating my trauma.
I uploaded a very quick informational video on Youtube about what EMDR is. I will be following this video with 2nd one that focuses on EMDR in a little more detail, in which I will talk about how it feels to have EMDR and what the different phases are that you go through.
As a narcissistic childhood abuse survivor, it has helped me neutralise my biggest traumas. That said, it isn’t of course suitable for everyone. I would recommend it through my own positive experience with it but I would urge you to research it really well and only find a qualified therapist who has training in it.
Love Athina ♥
© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.
How to deal with loneliness
Loneliness is an unpleasant feeling that a lot of people experience at some point in their lives. Loneliness is a feeling of emptiness or hollowness inside you.You might experience loneliness as a feeling that something is not right, a kind of minor emptiness. Or you might feel loneliness as a very intense deprivation and deep pain.For the most part, it is something that can be remedied quickly by reaching out to family or friends.
What happens however if you have a chronic feeling of loneliness? What happens when you don’t have any supportive family to turn to? or even friends? Do you end up feeling even more isolated? Do you retreat further into your shell and just tell yourself that this is how you are meant to be? Lonely and helpless?
A lot of the time unfortunately this happens. Loneliness is paired with depression and this can lead to further complications.If you don’t have the appropriate support, the downward spiral gets worse and worse. Loneliness is a passive state.
The most important thing about loneliness is that we have to remind ourselves that it is a state of mind, a feeling, not a fact.So what are we doing to enable our loneliness? This is a really important question to ask ourselves.
If we lost a loved one to death or have grief related to trauma, then it is important to acknowledge our feelings. Acknowledging our feelings of loneliness is the starting point to dealing with them. Expressing these feelings in numerous ways is the bext step. If we don’t have a friend or family member to express these feelings to, then we have to try and find someone else who might listen, like a counselor or mental health volunteer. We can also express our loneliness through art or writing a blog.
As I said before, loneliness is a passive state. So how do you change something passive? Your turn into something active.This might be a simple thing to state and some people might find it hard to make changes, but it is crucial to understand that if you do nothing about it, it won’t change.
Being active means that we reach out to others and that we maybe take up a class doing something we enjoy.This is a good way to connect with other people. It means that we can choose to maybe do some volunteering, as helping others can bring a feeling of fulfillment and reduce the feeling of loneliness. It means practicing different acts of kindness towards people that really need it. It also means the possibility of getting a new pet, or helping in an animal shelter.
It is very helpful to write a list of the things we enjoy and which things in particular helped us feel less lonely in the past.
It also very important to fight those self-defeating thoughts we may have, that tell us we can’t feel better and that we will always be lonely. Even if we are very depressed, we must fight this feeling and push ourselves past the negative feelings of not wanting to leave the house or connect to others. We have to challenge the passiveness and do things that might makes us a little uncomfortable.
What are your experiences of dealing with loneliness?
Love Athina ♥
© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.
Trauma bonding
Trauma bonding is the reason people choose abusive partners time and time again.
Trauma bonding is also known as Stockholm syndrome, something that is mentioned a lot when someone has been abducted.
Trauma bonding is something that starts in a person’s childhood, if they have suffered abuse or neglect.
If you are someone who keeps choosing emotionally unavailable partners or abusive partners, then this is why.
Love Athina ♥
© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.
It is wrong to silence survivors of abuse
As a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and in honour of some of my followers who are also survivors of abuse, I want to do a short but very important post today about the unfortunate shaming & silencing that happens to survivors.
It is absolutely horrendous to deny someone of their right to freely talk about their abuse and to deny them the ability to heal.Every time a survivor talks about the abuse to someone who validates them and acknowledges their pain, there is a small layer of healing taking place.
On the other hand, every time a survivor shares their story and isn’t believed, is shamed for not forgiving their abuser or is told to not go public about their abuse, it is destructive & extremely painful. It shows that the person shaming the survivor lacks empathy & understanding for the pain & trauma they have been through. It is re-traumatising and makes the survivor feel isolated & abused once again.
For those of you out there, who don’t know much about child abuse because you have been fortunate enough to grow up with healthy, loving parents please understand this:
Survivors require acknowledgement of their pain & suffering
Survivors require kindness & empathy
Survivors need to hear ‘I am so sorry for what you have been through’
Survivors need to be shown healthy lovely, healthy boundaries because they never learned these in their childhood..
Survivors DON’T want to be told to forgive their abusers
Survivors DON’T want to be told to stop talking about what happened to them just because you are uncomfortable with it.
Survivors DON’T want to be told to ‘Get over it because it was a long time ago’
Survivors DON’T need any more abuse, silencing or shaming.
Much love Athina ♥
© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.
Poor sleep-One of many side effects of CPTSD, anxiety & depression
Are you somebody who struggles to sleep well and ends up waking up exhausted in the morning rather than refreshed? Do you find that you often have vivid stress dreams which can at times disrupt your sleep in the middle of the night?
If you are someone who also struggles with depression, anxiety or (C)PTSD, then this will no doubt have an impact on your quality of sleep.
Both anxiety & depression, involve a thinking style known as ruminating. Ruminating means that we go over the same thoughts over and over again,without any resolution. These thoughts are usually negative and if they aren’t resolved with some sort of action, they will then possibly play out in our dreams at night.
Apparently is has been stated that a memory is composed of a situation or thought, the emotions experienced from that situation or thought and then the actions taken. If something happened during the day for example, that was upsetting but you weren’t able to resolve the situation in some way, then this will most likely linger until you go to bed. Since ruminating means that our thoughts and emotions are stuck in a repetitive loop, we will then most likely have an anxiety dream, in which we will try and find a resolution to our initial problem. Our mind just isn’t able to switch off properly until our problem has been solved.
So basically, if you have had a stressful day and there is still stuff that needs to be resolved, you will then most likely be doing this in your sleep as well. Since stress and anxiety can be exhausting during the day, then it is pretty similar at night too.If the brain doesn’t get a chance to ‘switch off’ or relax at night, then you can understand why the quality of your sleep is compromised.
This causes a vicious cycle which looks a bit like this :
Worrying/Rumination → Poor sleep quality → Increase in stress during the day & trouble coping → Worrying/Rumination → Poor quality sleep .. etc
Too much ruminating can lead to feeling helpless. If you are too focused on the problem you are ruminating about, you tend to get stuck and this affects your actual problem solving skills.
A few tips to calming your worrying mind at night:
- Try and resolve the problem before going to bed (if this is possible).
- Talk to a friend or family member about your worries (A different point of view might do wonders)
- Write down your troublesome thought/s on a piece of paper or type up a document on the computer..This might help you find a solution, by seeing your thoughts clearly written in front of you..
- Another thing you can do is write a priority list (if your worries are work related). By organising your time and managing your tasks into more urgent, less urgent etc..this might help you relax more.
- Think about what is in your control and what isn’t..If it isn’t in your control, then try to ‘let it go’..
- If you are still not able to sleep, use lavender oil on your pillow and find some self-hypnosis tracks you can listen to while lying in bed..
What are your thoughts on this? Are you someone who suffers with ruminating and poor quality sleep? Do you also suffer with a mental illness? How often would you say you have anxiety dreams on average? Twice a week or more?
Love Athina ♥
© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.
Gratitude
Today I am grateful for my healthy body, my loving husband and the organic homemade food that I made for my little family.
I am grateful for the stability in my daily life, the ability to write my blogs & create YouTube videos and the love I share with my friends and family.
No matter how awful your circumstances, there are always things to be grateful for ♥
What are you grateful for?
Love Athina ♥
© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.
Are you a chronic over-explainer?
Where does over-explaining stem from?
People naturally feel the need to make sure their point of view is clearly understood when in conversation with someone else. Nobody wants to be misunderstood when expressing an opinion or thought.
What happens however when someone feels the need to always over-explain something?
Is this something that stems from an underlying anxiety, that they will be misunderstood?
Yes
Is this also something that happens because in the past they might have been misunderstood quite a lot and for this reason they have to make sure it doesn’t happen again?
Absolutely..
Does over-explaining ever make you think, that the person doing the over-explaining, must think that the person they are over-explaining to must be stupid. Does this make sense?
I have been on both sides of this. I have over-explained to someone who got what I was saying from the first sentence and said I didn’t need to explain further. They said, I am not stupid, I get it. I have also been over-explained to and could immediately tell that the other person was anxious and insecure about something.
In my experience, many individuals who suffer from low self-esteem or people-pleasing, have an almost compulsive need to over-explain. This usually stems from childhood abuse, where either 1 or both parents were unable to meet the child’s needs and were unable to understand the child’s feelings. If parents don’t have empathy, are self-centered and dont have the ability to genuinely listen and understand, then a child will chronically feel frustrated, misunderstood and alone.
Have you ever tried to explain a simple concept such as sadness or feeling alone to a person who lacks empathy?
The reply is usually uncaring and hurtful.
Have you ever tried to reason with someone who has a low IQ and has intellectual disabilities?
They are not able to understand certain simple concepts because they just aren’t able to and if you insist on trying to make them understand, you can make yourself feel crazy with frustration.
When does over-explaining become chronic?
This usually happens when someone is unable to simply state something, that doesn’t need explaining, to someone who hasn’t even asked for an explanation. It becomes chronic when a person feels the need to explain in great detail and repeats themselves over and over again.It becomes chronic when it is a habitual thing that someone does all the time, even with people that are understanding and empathetic.
The particular thing I would like to highlight in this post, is that over-explaining becomes habitual for people who have suffered narcissistic abuse. If you are constantly around someone who makes you doubt yourself by gaslighting you, who doesn’t validate and understand your feelings and always tries to manipulate you, then it is only natural that you will be chronically frustrated when communicating..
I would love to hear your thoughts on this..
© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.
Much Love Athina ♥
Blogger recognition award-I am humbled!
This blog post today is to officially accept my nomination for the ‘Blogger recognition award‘ by the lovely https://perceptionschange.wordpress.com
I am very humbled by the nomination, especially as this blogger is a mental health blogger. She writes about her own experience with depression & anxiety, offers tips on what helped her and this is very useful for others who also struggle and might find some solace in her writings.
Rules for participating in the Blogger Recognition Award
Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
Write a post to show your award.
Attach the award to the post.
Give a brief story on how your blog started.
Give a piece of advice or two to new bloggers.
Select 15 other blogs you want to give the award to.
Comment on each blog and let them know you nominated them
TIPS FOR NEW BLOGGERS
If you have the time to interact with your followers, then do so.
If you are able to keep an open mind and be encouraging and positive, then do so.
Make sure you write an ABOUT ME section on your blog, as it gives the reader a little background on who you are and why you write. I find this very important when checking out new blogs as I feel better connected to the content when I know a little about the writer.
WHAT IS THIS BLOG ABOUT & WHY DID I START IT
This blog is all about sharing free information to help those of you affected by mental illness, abuse from dysfunctional relationships and for those of you who are also interested in personal coaching. This blog is a result of my recent qualification as a life coach and I would be humbled to reach many more people that might need coaching to make changes in their lives. My particular focus is promoting self-care, self-compassion, changing negative thinking patterns & assisting anyone who is struggling with dysfunctional relationships and needs to break free. I create videos on YouTube which are also aimed at providing free advice on many different topics and I hope to help people in the same way I was helped over the years by mental health professionals & other empathetic people
NOMINATIONS
The 15 bloggers I will nominate are inspiring & courageous! Check them out!
https://runrabbitrunptsd.wordpress.com/
www.therichnessofasimplelife.wordpress.com
https://recoverytowellness.wordpress.com/
https://brokenfingernails.com/
https://piecesofbipolar.wordpress.com/
https://frombehindglass.wordpress.com/
https://hannahbolly.wordpress.com/
https://emergingfromthedarknight.wordpress.com/
https://thejourneytowardhealing.wordpress.com/
https://charsgirl.wordpress.com/
https://brokenyetcherished.com/
https://illyspeaks.wordpress.com/
Courage
Today’s post will be short and sweet as unfortunately my internet is playing up and keeps having long disconnection periods. I have barely been able to post anything today due to this, so my apologies if this blog post is a little short. I think short and sweet, will be the theme of this day! 🙂
I wanted to write a little bit about why I chose Courage as the name of my Coaching business.
First of all, courage is very important when challenging ourselves at times where we need to make big changes in our personal life, our work or our health.
Courage is necessary when we deal with grief, physical & emotional pain or overwhelming fear.
As survivors of abuse would agree, courage is crucial for getting through the trauma and emotional pain that starts with the abuse, continues throughout the abuse and then unfortunately becomes a part of the long journey of recovery after the abuse.
For those affected by war & overwhelming grief, courage is what keeps them going every day, when all they want is to stop feeling so frightened & devastated.
Courage is important for survival, for better quality of life, for the ability to self-reflect and for getting through adversity.
Below are some definitions that I found online when I was deciding on COURAGE as a name for my business.
Courage is:
- The ability to do something that frightens one; bravery.
- Strength in the face of pain or grief
- The choice and willingness to confront agony, pain, danger, uncertainty or intimidation.
- The power or quality of dealing with or facing danger, fear, pain, etc..
- Courage, also called fortitude, is the ability to confront fear, pain, danger, uncertainty or intimidation. It can be divided into “physical courage” — in face of physical pain, hardship, and threat of death — and “moral courage” — in the face of shame, scandal, and discouragement..
- The state or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger, fear, or vicissitudes with self-possession, confidence, and resolution; bravery.
I also selected a few of the most inspiring quotes about courage, in my opinion.
”You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along”.
Eleanor Roosevelt
”I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear”.
Nelson Mandela
”Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy”.
Dale Carnegie
”You will never do anything in this world without courage. It is the greatest quality of the mind next to honor”.
Aristotle
What is it about courage that inspires you the most?
Love Athina ♥
© All blog posts and images are owned by me and Courage Coaching. Please don’t use without consent and only re-blog if you would like to use the information on here.
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